What is it like to have Asperger syndrome

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I have a strong need for Independence. When I express that need, I'm told that I'm stubborn. The thing is that I'd rather be seen as stubborn, than be seen as "Special", used in the context that people use it to describe people with Brain Disorders. I have it in my head that stubborn equals strong and "Special" equals weak.

I can only answer the question from the perspective of someone who has above average intelligence and was diagnosed with AS at age 34.

As you learn more about how your mind works you wonder if you have ever seen, heard, or felt anything in the same way as anybody else you have ever known. You have your up and down days as any notion you've had of coming out of your shell and having "normal" experiences, emotions and relationships is replaced by the reality that you were born this way and will die this way.

An aspie will get a lot of skepticism or outright disbelief from anyone in whom they attempt to confide that they have AS. You're used to trying to hide your quirks by now and there's no way you could have anything vaguely related to Autism because you're not walking around staring into space and counting your footsteps. Usually when people say they never thought there was anything wrong with you, they mean, anything that has a name...other than just being plain weird and creepy.

An aspie is never resented or rejected for having AS, but for not "fitting in", not "being a team player", not "projecting a good image." This is particularly true in Australia where the work/recreation culture is based much more strongly on mateship, politics and conformity than competence.

Aspies often make the fatal blunder of seeking social contact for its own sake, and on their own terms, not as a power play or an attempt to build a social hierarchy. Therefore they tend to be readily victimised by insecure, agenda-driven social climbers and so-called "alpha males"...which I'm not suggesting that any more than a minority of NT's are.

However, an aspie can often crack up laughing at little things like the smilie, agent79's avatar, anything with a strong visual or semantic aspect. In fact my sense of humour is so abstract that on a good day I can just crack up laughing at will...now you know why I don't drink or take drugs!!

Whew...ended on a happy note...

haaahahahaaahaaa.......

I've never had a problem with eating, asside from an egg alergy and a dislike of greecy food (more ingraned by family cooking that any automatic dislike...)

To me, being an aspie is about logic and extreemes....

I have a rather interesting outlook on this.

I think this feeling is average. Some people like me and respect me as a person. Other people do not.

The positive, caring, conscious people always say hi to me, and ask me how I am. Other people treat me like I don't even belong in the world.

For example, once I was flying from New Jersey to Seattle and the flight attendant asked everyone if they wanted a snack. However, she passed by me and acted like I couldn't even speak.

This brings me to another interesting point. Why am I here (or why are we all here for that matter?) We are here to communicate because we can express ourselves. So, it is like an oddity-turned comfort. We're nice people, but we just have social difficulties.

Yes, I am different because I have my own little quirks. If I said something to myself in my head in public, someone would wonder where it came from. But, my practical language skills (pardon the pun of using the name of my senior class in high school) are far beyond someone who is worse off than I am.

So, I am blessed to be here. Why do you think I have been a member here for so long? Because I understand that I have people to cope with about these issues. Even though I am not perfect, none of us are actually, I realize that I am here for support. I know that I have learned a lot from all of you, and I am happy to be back from my sporadic absence. Please let the support continue.

To me being an aspie is almost on the outside looking in. In elementry school I was the kid who wasn't even picked on the playground. Instead I watched over a book instead to hide my eyes and have somthing to do. In jr high at luch they played steal her book then I cyberschooled and now i'm cut off so it's being cut off but to me it's normal cause that's how i've always been.

its like living in a bubble floating around in the world. The things you are and know are in that bubble. You can see and sense things in your bubble 100%. The things outside the bubble is distorted and ununderstandible.

its like reaching out to humanity with your foot and not understanding why its not accepted.

Its like being the smartest person in the room all the time, but unable to get the ideas out because you dont speak the language.


Its knowing that your senses betray you and your judgement is flawed because of that. Because you cant trust the input the out put is skewed.

its the greatest thing and the worst thing in one sandwich.

OK, let's have a go:

Being an Aspie for me feels like:

- Being 'betwixt and between' all the time, not knowing whether you're coming or going, having little if any control over where you're going. Always searching for a niche. Feeling deprived and not being able to put your finger on why.

- Having not much of anything in common with most people. You feel like you have gone your own way and grown apart from most people. Being in my own world, like in some sort of faraway dream. You have a language all your own, and feel almost as if neurotypicals speak a different language from you.

- People (i.e. neurotypicals) constantly try to mould me, but I cannot be moulded.

- Being smart and intelligent, but never getting any credit for it. Feeling like only a few people understand you. Feeling that only a few people accept you for who you are.

- Knowing I am unusual, but still feeling offended when I'm referred to as unusual because I want to be seen deep down as just like everyone else.

- Being mechanistic in whatever I do, because it's the way I know how. This applies even to social interaction.

- Finding it hard to understand why everyone thinks you are different. Wondering what you have done 'wrong', when you know you've done nothing wrong. You feel a certain vulnerability.

- However, you know there is something unique and good about you. What it is you don't quite know, but you know you are special. You have a certain 'je ne sais quoi'.

- And I wouldn't change myself for the world.

One of the things I read that I identified alot with went something like :

as usual, i know the actual quote didnt go quite like that, but here of all places I resist the urges to tweak the message of what I am trying to say 100x, and just let it be

Nevermind...

Last edited by euphrosyne on 07 Feb 2007, 11:58 am, edited 2 times in total.

Hey Cockney, gimp, found at www.gimp.org is absolutely free for all time. Try that. I love it. or paint.net is free too. both are less system intensive than corel or photoshop.

Oh, yeah, the Gimp is Awesome!

What is it like to have asperger's?

-Spending my childhood treating everybody around me with respect, fairness, and civility, yet regardless of any attempts to making friends, I became everybody's target. The only thing my school peers recognized about me is my intelligence, so people who were too stupid or lazy to figure it out for themselves either copied from me or tried to force me to do theirs. I got beaten up a lot.

-Not realizing that everything I say is hilarious to people. I solve rubik's cubes because I like doing it. It's not my fault that they don't have the attention span to follow what I'm doing. I'm not that much smarter than they are. I just followed the guide and I remembered how to do it. I suck at math.

-Watching any attempt at meaningful relationships absolutely fail because of some little thing that you're not doing right.

What's it like to have AS? For me its a gift and in other aspects it a curse. All my life being in schools that my fellow students have bullied me, made fun of me, annoyed me to the point where I blow up in their faces. Having thoughts and dreams about being late for the school bus. Even though I never missed it. Going through life without friends, or little bit of friends, having the inside knowledge that you're about to be moving to another state. On the other side of it I have strenghts in writing which I love to write books. I can tell you the right way of formating you manuscript, how to edit it like professional editors do. All those things I can tell you about. Being not to be called down about not hugging girls that are younger than I am. My mother thinks I'm doing something wrong when I hug them at church. I could bring up all sorts of pictures of Final Fantasy 8 and all the rest. Even though I'm limited in the things I can do or know I make the best of it.

I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE REVIVE OLD THREADS!! !! !

Well sometimes these people who haven't commented on these "old" thread are not really "Old" to them.

This is not old to me, as it is the first time I've seen it.

I had a hard time growing up, but life is now quite good. There are some definite differences between me and other people, however:

I feel far more at home in the company of cats and dogs than in the company of most people, especially strangers in a crowded room. I tend to dislike crowds.

My interests are far different. I am 42 years old and like Roger Bannister, who became the first person to break the four minute mile. On my DVE of Four Minutes, there is an enhanced feature that has his real race at Iffley Road.

I tend to identify with Roger Bannister when he talked about his earlier days. He was very smart and liked the academic aspects of school, but found socialization difficult. He felt inferior, despite being very smart.