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zen_mistress
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02 Dec 2009, 1:46 am

Ok, I have been keeping this to myself as I felt it was a personal thing. But I have received my diagnosis today. And it turns out.... that I have Aspergers. The psychiatrist said I had mild Aspergers, but I filled the criteria.

He said his next move was to refer me to a clinical psychologist for my anxiety, and sort things with my benefit agency.

It was an interesting process, a bit tearful in some places too... I am surprised at how it has made me feel though.. like a great weight has been taken off my shoulders. For some reason I dont feel so bad about the weird things about me now. I find that odd, as really nothing has changed. I only did this for practical reasons but I am sort of stunned at the feelings.


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Boomkin
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02 Dec 2009, 2:16 am

I, too, am going through an assessment. The most surprising thing for me was watching all my home videos. I thought I would have trouble locating the signs, but the opposite was true. It's been a great relief fo rme as well, but mixed with shock. I've never looked at myself quite this way before and some of my behaviors have really surprised me.


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pensieve
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02 Dec 2009, 4:59 am

zen_mistress wrote:
Ok, I have been keeping this to myself as I felt it was a personal thing. But I have received my diagnosis today. And it turns out.... that I have Aspergers. The psychiatrist said I had mild Aspergers, but I filled the criteria.

He said his next move was to refer me to a clinical psychologist for my anxiety, and sort things with my benefit agency.

It was an interesting process, a bit tearful in some places too... I am surprised at how it has made me feel though.. like a great weight has been taken off my shoulders. For some reason I dont feel so bad about the weird things about me now. I find that odd, as really nothing has changed. I only did this for practical reasons but I am sort of stunned at the feelings.

This was my reaction too.


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M_p_furo
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02 Dec 2009, 5:51 am

zen_mistress wrote:
It was an interesting process, a bit tearful in some places too... I am surprised at how it has made me feel though.. like a great weight has been taken off my shoulders. For some reason I dont feel so bad about the weird things about me now. I find that odd, as really nothing has changed. I only did this for practical reasons but I am sort of stunned at the feelings.


I'm glad you feel like you have some answers. I've been trying to decide whether to push the issue of getting evaluated with my psychiatrist as he didn't feel comfortable with his limited knowledge. But I think I understand what you are saying about having a "weight lifted off your shoulders".....but also like you, I don't think I can actually explain it.

Maybe it's the fact that you are now able to explain why these things are occurring? For me at least, I must have a reason for everything....especially when things follow a strong pattern. I could be totally off base though.



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02 Dec 2009, 9:36 am

zen_mistress wrote:
Ok, I have been keeping this to myself as I felt it was a personal thing. But I have received my diagnosis today. And it turns out.... that I have Aspergers. The psychiatrist said I had mild Aspergers, but I filled the criteria.

He said his next move was to refer me to a clinical psychologist for my anxiety, and sort things with my benefit agency.

It was an interesting process, a bit tearful in some places too... I am surprised at how it has made me feel though.. like a great weight has been taken off my shoulders. For some reason I dont feel so bad about the weird things about me now. I find that odd, as really nothing has changed. I only did this for practical reasons but I am sort of stunned at the feelings.

Congratulations! I had similar feelings about my Dx. For me, it was a sense of validation for what I had been feeling that gave me the "lifted weight" sensation.


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zen_mistress
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02 Dec 2009, 1:55 pm

Boomkin wrote:
I, too, am going through an assessment. The most surprising thing for me was watching all my home videos. I thought I would have trouble locating the signs, but the opposite was true. It's been a great relief fo rme as well, but mixed with shock. I've never looked at myself quite this way before and some of my behaviors have really surprised me.


Yes, there is something a bit shocking about it...I was in quite a daze after the appointment, I went out and bought little things, like some art supplies and a small bag of chocolates, sort of on autopilot...

pensieve wrote:
This was my reaction too.


Yes I honestly thought it would all be a bit of an anticlimax as I first read about AS in 2003... I am amazed at the power of a diagnosis and how it can make me feel.


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zen_mistress
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02 Dec 2009, 2:02 pm

M_p_furo wrote:
Maybe it's the fact that you are now able to explain why these things are occurring? For me at least, I must have a reason for everything....especially when things follow a strong pattern. I could be totally off base though.


zeichner wrote:
Congratulations! I had similar feelings about my Dx. For me, it was a sense of validation for what I had been feeling that gave me the "lifted weight" sensation.


I am not sure about the source of the feelings, I think it was maybe a feeling of acceptance, as if finally how I am is somehow acceptable. I still dont understand how this has happened though... :)

Anyway thanks all of you for the good wishes.. I have also received an animation and an online greeting card so feeling happy... :)


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pandd
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02 Dec 2009, 2:08 pm

zen_mistress wrote:
But I have received my diagnosis today.

I am pleased you have diagnostic clarity for you own informational purposes and very importantly, clinical recognition necessary to facilitate quality health care. It's unfortunate you had to wait as long as you did.



makuranososhi
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02 Dec 2009, 3:45 pm

zen_mistress wrote:
Ok, I have been keeping this to myself as I felt it was a personal thing. But I have received my diagnosis today. And it turns out.... that I have Aspergers. The psychiatrist said I had mild Aspergers, but I filled the criteria.

He said his next move was to refer me to a clinical psychologist for my anxiety, and sort things with my benefit agency.

It was an interesting process, a bit tearful in some places too... I am surprised at how it has made me feel though.. like a great weight has been taken off my shoulders. For some reason I dont feel so bad about the weird things about me now. I find that odd, as really nothing has changed. I only did this for practical reasons but I am sort of stunned at the feelings.


It is good to hear that the process of diagnosis has helped you so; I experienced something similar when I discovered that I matched the criteria. While the doctors concur, there is not an 'official' diagnosis for me... and I think there is a part of me that desires the concrete and known, to take the question out of the equation - but simply learning and sharing has made an immeasurable difference in my life. Congratulations on making progress, and for taking it in such a positive manner.


M.


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zen_mistress
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02 Dec 2009, 4:51 pm

Thanks pandd and Makuranososhi for your posts. :)

pandd, yes it is a shame I had that bad experience with the first psychologist and it took a while to contact this one.. eventually I worked out that the only way to make an appointment was through email as their clinic was sort of mobile... and at that point I was able to make contact with someone there..

But yes the main reason I went for this assessment was for health, particularly due to my anxiety. My new GP said that if my anxiety wasnt the whole story to why I couldnt work at the moment, she wanted information on this, so that helped me make my decision.
~

Makuranososhi, I also had unofficial opinions before yesterday, but from counsellors who worked at autism centres and with autistic and aspergers people... they had that experience though not the qualification to diagnose.

It was great having a more concrete diagnosis, though I dont think it is a necessary thing for every adult, unless that is what they want.. and I think the learning and sharing of information with other people on the spectrum is what can really make a difference.

Anyway thanks both of you.


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bhetti
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02 Dec 2009, 5:24 pm

zen_mistress wrote:
It was an interesting process, a bit tearful in some places too... I am surprised at how it has made me feel though.. like a great weight has been taken off my shoulders. For some reason I dont feel so bad about the weird things about me now. I find that odd, as really nothing has changed. I only did this for practical reasons but I am sort of stunned at the feelings.
I feel the same way. it is a relief to know why I am the way I am. there's nothing really wrong with me, I just have asperger's! :D

I have ambivalent feelings to a degree, though, because some of the things I don't like aren't going to go away, like sensory stuff and hyper-focused interests and social discomfort, but at least now I know why and I'm not constantly down on myself for not being able to figure out how to be normal. and really the occasional depression over that is mild compared to the constant depression from not understanding my interpersonal failures.



zen_mistress
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02 Dec 2009, 11:22 pm

Thanks bhetti... yes it is true. Things are still far from perfect.. I guess in many ways they are still the same as yesterday but somehow I feel like I have a new perspective..

Its strange because I feel like it has taken a weight off my shoulders, but I didnt actually realise the weight was even there until it was taken off... I guess that is the best way to describe it.


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~ Amin Maalouf

Taking a break.