Annoying non-verbal vs. verbal flirting situation

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Keeno
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23 Dec 2009, 1:48 pm

Something that happened the other day was that in the queue at Starbucks, the girl next to me kept looking round and cutely smiling. Not wanting to let a chance go a-begging, I tried to (verbally) start a conversation. There was no reply, at least not a verbal one, though she kept smiling so you could say she kept up a non-verbal conversation. I see a conflict between me relying on a verbal type of interaction, and her insisting on a non-verbal style of interaction. If I wanted to get something going with her, could I have handled this better?



Hector
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23 Dec 2009, 2:05 pm

If your goal was to ask her out, a necessary condition in general would have been to talk to her. Maybe (a) you are not expressive enough or (b) she is quiet and not easy to have a conversation with, or (c) you read too much into a smile. I don't think that talking in itself is a bad move here. If (b) you shouldn't be worried, same with (c) because this is where you need a bit of luck. If you're worried that it might be (a) or some other communication-related issue then ask a very close friend or relative if your body language is generally unwelcoming or otherwise inexpressive.

You can try to force conversations along by asking "what do you think?" or "what do you do?"-type questions, but you can only go so far with this if the other person is shy, a poor communicator, or especially if they're not that interested in talking to you.