Does your family intimidate/bully you because you have AS?

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AnonymousAnonymous
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23 Dec 2009, 6:48 pm

As my family does to me, I would
like to learn the perspectives
of other WP members....

This is a link to Wikipedia's page on Intimidation....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intimidation

And the page on Bullying...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullying


Please note, as I know most of you are
really sick of hearing me talk about
my family, the "abuse" is ongoing.


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Jkid
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23 Dec 2009, 7:11 pm

AnonymousAnonymous wrote:


Please note, as I know most of you are
really sick of hearing me talk about
my family, the "abuse" is ongoing.


If you're family is abusive and you're 19 get out of there ASAP!



Ravenclawgurl
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23 Dec 2009, 7:55 pm

Jkid wrote:
AnonymousAnonymous wrote:


Please note, as I know most of you are
really sick of hearing me talk about
my family, the "abuse" is ongoing.


If you're family is abusive and you're 19 get out of there ASAP!


thats not not as easy as it sounds



PunkyKat
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23 Dec 2009, 8:13 pm

Not intentionaly but the youngest of my three oldest brothers always gave me trouble about my special intrests. Luckily, he's on the other side of the country now and I don't care if I never see him again. My dad gave me trouble about various things related to the AS now and then but he's cranky to everybody now and then.


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Last edited by PunkyKat on 25 Dec 2009, 7:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

leschevalsroses
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23 Dec 2009, 8:14 pm

Ravenclawgurl wrote:
Jkid wrote:
AnonymousAnonymous wrote:


Please note, as I know most of you are
really sick of hearing me talk about
my family, the "abuse" is ongoing.


If you're family is abusive and you're 19 get out of there ASAP!


thats not not as easy as it sounds


Yep. Both of my parents nag me about being more "normal". They want me to have fun like the typical college student, move into the dorm, go to parties, etc. It's hard to always hear them asking me why I don't have any friends, and telling me that I have to get my act together and grow up. My mom especially has a hard time accepting that I'll never being normal. I think it embarrasses her sometimes.

I'm 21, lived on my own for about six months two years ago and couldn't do it. It was very overwhelming for me and stressful. Even though it's hard to live with my parents and especially with my mom who can be very verbally abusive and takes advantage of me a lot, it's hard and expensive to make the step into living on your own. My only other option would be to move into the dorms at my school and...well, that would be horrible on so many levels.



Whisper
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23 Dec 2009, 8:40 pm

Mm, mine's an odd kettle of fish.

My mum deliberately taught me a lot of the coping mechanisms that I use today. How to hold my arms in a conversation, to always remember to make eye contact, to hold myself properly, etc. But at the same time, she used my ASness as a way of brushing off my opinion, and teased me for being different a lot. Which is why when a friend brought up the possibility, I pushed it away, because the idea of me having Aspergers had always had extremely negative connotations for me as a kid.



23 Dec 2009, 9:52 pm

Not really bullying. My mom used to get mad at me for being a big baby and not acting my age and she get mad at me about my obsessions. She understood me more when I got diagnosed.


But when I got to my mid teens, my parents started to get mad at me when I have anxiety and they let my brothers have parties and torture me with the noise they make and the messes and my parents get mad at me about my anxiety.


But I think my mom would occasionally play the literal card on me to get me to listen to her. She occasionally will tell me "That's part of Asperger's" but I wonder if she does that to get me to change something about myself. She used that on my Benny and Joon obsessions last year and said "I thought you don't let Asperger's control you, you're letting it take over" and I said maybe I want it to take over for now because it keeps me busy. I mean jeez she acts like it's not even there and treats me like a normal person and everything I do is normal but then she plays the AS card.

My parents just accept me for who I am. Even though I suffered emotional abuse in my mid teens and I blocked out lot of the details, I still love them and still see them occasionally and I let them come see me. I read my diary and it brought back my old feelings I suffered and my parents were insensitive. I have no idea what happened then but I figured out later in my life it was maybe the new house they were building and they were under stress and they couldn't handle me right now so they emotionally abandoned me and they had no patience for me. So all they could do was "shut up" and "deal with it" but no my mom said it was because I acted like a two year old and I was trying to be AS. No I was just trying to have ODD then so I could get my way and my life would be more peaceful, bye bye anxiety, but it didn't work. It worked with my aspie mate but not with my parents so he was trying to teach me how to fight and stuff but mom said he was just trying to teach me to be a bully. I was bad then, I mean confused. I was reading online how autistic kids get their way and I wished I could get my way too and my therapist said it's wrong to let your autistic kids have their way or else they never learn. Instead they learn to act up to get their way and it encourages them to have their meltdowns and not even try and control them. I thought back then I was supposed to get my way because I have AS. My mom says I took it all too literal. She said there are gray areas and they did the same for me like they let me shower at eight or else they face the consequence and that be me having anxiety and it ruins their day on the road so they had to find a campground with showers or else I'd keep them up all night because I couldn't shower. I would feel dirty at night and ugly. Just things they let me do that weren't a big deal.

Now I'm against us having our way. I see this as my family did me a big favor, even if it was hell and torture. I even wanted to kill myself and I was very depressed and felt unloved. I was just a brat. But my anxiety was genuine.



Eggman
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23 Dec 2009, 9:55 pm

no


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zeldapsychology
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23 Dec 2009, 10:07 pm

Well I try to be myself and I get told don't do this/that!! !! ! That's bad behavior etc.! !! (Next day think so hard on changing behavior of yesterday) Oh you seem upset/depressed/oh what's wrong with you. Well IMO I'm trying to change my behavior from yesterday since you complained about it and yet now you complain since I'm trying to change my behavior! IMO MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND!! !! #1 AS issue for me showing emotions differently I laugh inappropriately which REALLY causes tension in the household and I agree moving out isn't always an option in a perfect world IMO for me I'd have an understanding boyfriend some friends to do stuff with (nothing major no drugs/skipping school work etc.) and a place to live on my own. :-)



pippilngstkngpr
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24 Dec 2009, 1:28 am

I haven't been diagnosed yet with Asperger's.

But my sister bully's me about how different I am. A few days ago it's how weird and stupid I am that I don't look at someone's eyes when speaking to them like a normal person. She said it's weird I look around at things, and makes me feel angry.

I been through 1st grade to graduating high school of bullies, and still having it when I live at home. Sometimes I can ignore it, other times I can't and I can't say anything back because I can't think and process and know what I want to say back so fast as she is yelling and calling me horrible names.

My mom has always been overprotected of me because I am not normal. She has always known that, she was the reason I got tested for a learning disability at 7 years old and out came APD. My mom sticks up for me with my sister at times, and used to when I got bullied and beaten up. My sister and the things she makes fun of me for and makes me feel bad. She does it and she tells me she's just telling the truth but she's being a sarcastic jerk. She never stops, it's every day. Today it was the fact I spend hours online and that she couldn't do that she gets bored. How weird I am and that it's not normal for someone to spend so many hours interested and learning something online. I just told her to shut up and I don't care what she says when I am interested in something that is what I do and I don't care what she does. My mom does do the intimidation and whatever. But it's mostly when she's angry at something and taking it out on me or she's drunk.

I have always been told to move out of my house but I just can't do it. It makes me too nervous plus I don't work so money wise I am stuck there.

I have grew up in everyone was "normal" or my friends had a learning disability but everything else about them was "normal". I have found out I am not "normal". I do things differently or don't do them at all like people I know. Then I used to always copy people and do whatever they did. But learned to be my own person.

I didn't and don't like being pushed to be "normal", I like who I am. And people just need to get the fact I won't ever be "normal" do everything my way.



LuxoJr
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24 Dec 2009, 5:36 am

Well my mom doesn't know, but I think she knows somethings wrong with me, but she stills asks me anyway.
So whenever i do something wrong, I don't know that I have to apologize so she gets mad and makes me apologize.
sometimes when she's mad at me or like yelling at me she asks me questions I don't know how to answer, usually questions like, as I just said, "Whats wrong with you?" or "Why you do that even though I keep telling you not to?" or "Why you act like child?"
I remember a few instances where she asked me why I keep doing the things she hates, as if I want to piss her off, however I didn't know she hated it. Also this one time where she said that it was okay before since I was a child, but it's not okay now, and then she asks me how old I am.

Normally what I do is just go all Spock on her and act emotionless and plainly answer her weird questions, but other times I will just go into meltdown like she does...
Also, when I go into meltdown, I break stuff, then she tells me not to break stuff since they cost money. Even though what I usually break is easily replaceable, like paper or pencils or other random office supplies.

What'd I'd do however, in a situation like urs, would probably be to try talking to them, unless u already tried that... which I'm sure u did...
but in case u haven't, or unless u haven't mentioned these things: tell them they jus need to accept u or somethin...


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Who_Am_I
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24 Dec 2009, 7:50 am

No, my father bullies me and my brothers because he's a prize c**t.


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howzat
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24 Dec 2009, 3:10 pm

My mum does because she wishes i was more like my sister living alone going out with her friends getting pissed and have relationships.



alana
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24 Dec 2009, 5:46 pm

what happened in my life is that my aspie gullibility made it so that I accepted alot of projection onto me from the people around me in my family. It's taken me years to figure out it wasn't 'me' after all. I only believed it was 'me' and 'my fault' because they told me, and why would they say that if it wasn't true. It's disturbing to me how easily this can happen to a child on the spectrum, amongst a family of personality disordered and/or addicted people. Really harrowing.



LuxoJr
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26 Dec 2009, 3:09 am

That they say something is your fault when it isn't or even their fault?


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trojan51
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26 Dec 2009, 3:35 am

they make fun of me somewhat but its not too bad, like i know theres a ton of people on here who have it worse than i do