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lostinparadise
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08 Jan 2010, 8:52 am

i have always been a shy person inside.i hardly talk to people.specially in group situations.one on one talk is little easier for me.but recently situations occurred where some people specifically a guy approached towards me.i felt a bit of discomfort around the guy.so i dont talk with him when people are around.but i try not to be rude by not talking.which i think some how made me look like i was being flirty with him or playing hard to get.i am though not sure about his intention whether he is just making fun or real interest.but it was a mere shyness for me that happens around some guys i consider good enough.i don't know how many others have these such situations.but this is so devastating for me.i feel this makes me look bad.i don't even talk to my girlfriends when more people are there.cause they always make fun of me.

now the bottom line is this thoughts are now raising question in my mind whether i have some faults(of course i have i have asperger but what else?).but i don't know or did not care about what people think of my actions or talk before.but now i am too self conscious so i refrain from talking.

i don't know what to do cause i feel like being in continuous humiliations in social situation.feel like shut the door and stay in my room forever and never see any people again :(
is being shy around guys not normal.why do i feel shy i wonder that too.



jc6chan
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08 Jan 2010, 9:44 am

One thing I can tell you, I'm a guy and I'm shy around girls :shrug:



MissConstrue
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08 Jan 2010, 12:05 pm

You're not the only one.

I get very shy and confused whenever I'm around guys. Also I've never been able to grasp or understand the mind games people play to show their affection for someone. For now I think I'll blame it on my social retardation...


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smokiethebear912
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08 Jan 2010, 2:12 pm

jc6chan wrote:
One thing I can tell you, I'm a guy and I'm shy around girls :shrug:


I second that. I talk on the phone all day for work so if I am talking to a female in the course of work I am alright, but if it is outside of that framework I can't even look them in the eye let alone speak to them.



mysassyself
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08 Jan 2010, 8:08 pm

wow, great topic. I relate - I can be not shy at all around guys IF it is a work situation or friendship. Like MissContrue touched on, I get confused by the whole 'attraction' scenario and I am extremely shy usually in that scenario.
I am pretty laid back in my attitude toward it - like I've learned not to place a lot of value or draw self esteem from whether or not I have a boyfriend, it's just that I actually do find it somewhat confusing when it happens. :shrug:

It always makes me feel weird because it can end up feeling like the 'real me' that I am most of the time is SO different to the 'shy (= excessively quiet) me. Is that normal ??


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sizzlera
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09 Jan 2010, 5:30 pm

I completely agree, everyone. If there is someone whom I know there is a potential for being a great match or I find them intriguing, my automatic reaction is to clam up or act in silly unpredictable ways, which annoys me. I find that if I remind myself they are just a person then so what- saying something is better than nothing.

Relationship-wise, I act quite distant. I prefer to be friends with a guy and if it is so desired, with benefits, but this invariably does not go so smoothly. I do not like holding hands, hugging, being cuddly nor do I coddle them- which many expect. I do not like disruptions to my plans and they're turned off by this. Too bad for them because I'm not that flexible.

More importantly, I feel as if I've never been in love and cannot relate with my friends- it bothers me (missing out on something that I've never known). I often wonder what exactly to tell guys. I can normally tell right away meeting someone whether or not they will be 'safe'. They are normally quirky or confident which I find very admirable.

One of the main hurdles is finding a potential- I try to stay guarded as I cannot tell well at all if a guy is just playing games or if he really likes me. It was mind boggling to conceive that a guy would be able to act so wonderful but really be a jerk. I just never see it coming. 8O



Shiznown
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09 Jan 2010, 8:11 pm

Reminds me of me, at a young age. When I was little I'd only talk to my mom and grandmom and not around people. As I got older I talked to people if I was around them afew times. It would take about four or five times, before I felt comfortable talking to them. I was always nervous around girls since my teens. Now I'm not so much, because I push myself to talk. I remember not too long ago, I wanted to talk to this girl in my class and I was very nervous. I went into the bathroom, splashed water on my face, went back to class and commented on her artwork. I started talking more to her, now we are friends. Too bad she has a boyfriend, go figure. What you have to do is just push yourself. I know it seems hard, but you just have to do it. It won't get any easier, until you are tired of being shy.



Jaejoongfangirl
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11 Jan 2010, 1:42 am

I'm not a shy person, but around guys I don't know or am attracted to I automatically want to revert into the old, 'shy' me (before I learned how to talk to people). I just want to walk away or not speak with them at all to avoid the strain.

It's like I'm afraid of men or something, but it's not like I have a reason to be... I don't know what's wrong with me. It's as if my developed social skills that I have practiced since I was a kid just... revert back to the way they were when I was completely inept and therefore habitually shy.

It's awful.



release_the_bats
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11 Jan 2010, 3:30 pm

When I have a crush on a guy, I tend to act stupidly shy and socially awkward around him. What's worse is that my nervousness is so distracting to me that I fail to pick up on signs of whether or not he likes me too.

When I just like a guy as a friend, or we're in the early "getting to know each other as friends" phase, I'm relaxed and can be myself.



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