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MissConstrue
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Sat Feb 06, 2010 2:39 am

So I know there's been threads regarding creepy men and I can see why a guy might feel insulted or take the term creepy offensively. Most aspie men might be mistook for being creepy or taken the wrong way but what about women?

Well personally I'm always paranoid of guys taking me to be the creepy type. It's not easy for me to socialize in a way that might seem "appropriate" or on a friendly term. I know sometimes I'll either come off too shy and detached or to the extreme of being annoying. I think this might be why I can't keep friendships or develop relationships. I have trouble understanding what could be taken as offensive or what could be taken as irritating. Sometimes my thoughts come so random that before I think about what I'm going to say, I say it anyway without thinking only to regret it later.

This also seems to happen whenever I have a crush on a guy. I think in some ways I'm emotionally distancing myself because I don't want to get hurt. So I just come off friendly or distant. However my friendliness may turn into something like fatal attraction except for the part where I admit how I truly feel about the guy.

Not sure if I'm explaining myself very well. Do any females encounter this problem or have this fear of being branded as a stalker or creep?

What are your experiences regarding relationships with guys/friendships?


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IdahoRose
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Sat Feb 06, 2010 3:43 am

I definitely come across as "creepy" to other people. It has nothing to do with my special interests - it's all about this certain vibe I give off. I think I may as well be wearing a neon sign that says "HEY! I'm mentally ill!" (Keep in mind I have other mental issues besides AS, so I'm not implying all people with AS are mentally ill.)

Anyway, I seem to really give men and children the creeps - the majority of guys I meet avoid eye contact and conversation with me, and my nieces and nephews are reluctant to play with me and even more reluctant to get hugs and kisses from me. :(

However, that same vibe seems to illicit other women's maternal instincts, because it seems like a lot of women around my age or (especially) older are kind to me and are even willing to be my friends; probably out of pity for me.



MissConstrue
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Sat Feb 06, 2010 12:06 pm

IdahoRose wrote:
I definitely come across as "creepy" to other people. It has nothing to do with my special interests - it's all about this certain vibe I give off. I think I may as well be wearing a neon sign that says "HEY! I'm mentally ill!" (Keep in mind I have other mental issues besides AS, so I'm not implying all people with AS are mentally ill.)

Anyway, I seem to really give men and children the creeps - the majority of guys I meet avoid eye contact and conversation with me, and my nieces and nephews are reluctant to play with me and even more reluctant to get hugs and kisses from me. :(

However, that same vibe seems to illicit other women's maternal instincts, because it seems like a lot of women around my age or (especially) older are kind to me and are even willing to be my friends; probably out of pity for me.


Huh that's interesting.

I seem to attract children and old people. I think most guys are more comfortable being in the friend zone with me. As for women, I don't seem to get along too well with many. Some of them seem overly sensative or tend to take me the wrong way. I will say though that most of the elderly women seem to understand me better than most people it seems.

As for feeling mentally ill, I've been in enough psych wards to know that maybe I am mentally ill or don't function in the same way "average" people do. I remember making more friends in psych wards than in clubs, classes, and social gatherings all together. I sort of wonder if normal is more or less a facade or front.

I think another issue I have is communication. It's not easy for me to respond or converse with people in the same way most people do. My conversations come off one-sided like I'm trying to find something to say or reciprocate but it ends up being revolved around me or a discussion that they're not interested in.


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Elementary_Physics
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Sat Feb 06, 2010 12:19 pm

Yes! Definately give off the Creepy vibe.
I can even feel it sometimes - I usually have my head down and kind of keep to myself. There is this boy who likes me and he was talking to me yesterday and I was kind of being awkward - because I like to talk about old men. He doesn't mind that though, he probably thinks it adds to my quirkyness
That is another reason why people assume me to be creepy - Because I talk about my attraction to older men openly and I just say awkward things.
A while ago, some girls came up to me and started a conversation with me and ended it by saying "You are actually nice. I always thought you were creepy".

But. It seems like children like me because I can't say "No" or scold people. Minorities, like black girls, and hispanics like me alot, probably because I live in a rich, racist town and I am not racist or rich by any means.



ebec11
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Sat Feb 06, 2010 5:26 pm

I used to give that impression a lot, but I'm getting much better, though sometimes I still seem starkerish when it comes to guys :P I'm trying to make sure that I'm reading guys correctly now and only start asking a lot of questions if they seem interested in me too. Right now there's a guy I'm interested in my business class, he seems very interested in me and my stomach feels sort of fluttery when I talk to him. He's not hot, but he's very cute and nice :D



aspiegirl2
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Sat Feb 06, 2010 6:12 pm

I've definitely come off as creepy before. It's mainly because I tend to say weird jokes, and before I used to not have very many friends, and I used to be around people a little too much. I've learned a lot about social life so I don't come off as creepy very often anymore. This is mainly due to having very supportive friends on my university's XC team. I don't know if I come off as creepy to guys, although I think they view me as more of a friend than a girlfriend (or would-be girlfriend for the matter). I also don't know how ready I am for a serious relationship; I've been struggling to keep the most basic of friendships. Someday, though, I'll find the right person and hopefully I'll be ready to be serious with them. I'm not really sure how to be a "proper" girlfriend. I don't know how to balance being a girlfriend vs. being solely myself quite yet. This is very confusing to me.


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starlighter
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Sat Feb 06, 2010 10:04 pm

Although creepy seems too much but I think sometimes I could be considered like that. Like maybe for an example when I tend to like a boy I put sometimes myself, very flirty, very obvious (looks, smiles, touchs,..), and I may be ending also a little stalking, and I do not seem embarrassed to show off more than the one who's being under my sight ( they will run first, lol). Is not always, but I guess that it would be my most creepy side :wink:



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Mon Feb 08, 2010 11:25 pm

I got that 'you scare me' thing but that was from a kid in high school. Which baffled the hell out of me.

Aside that I have NO idea. I don't have enough interaction with single guys that theoretically could be interested to be able to know.



Ray_Carver
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Tue Feb 09, 2010 11:04 pm

i used to get the "you're creepy" reaction alot... from the time i was in fourth grade until i got to high school, my peers were afraid of me for some reason. i didn't understand it at first, but as time went on, i did my best to take advantage of it. i discovered that since everyone thought i was creepy, they left me alone, which meant i didn't have to pretend i was "normal" or make any attempts at socializing. which was nice, because i had enough going on during those years anyway. i never viewed it as a bad thing until my freshman year of high school. i had this one guy that i really liked, and one of the things i tend to do when i like someone is i find out all that i can about that person. my obsessive nature expands to people when i decide i like someone. i find out where they hang out, what they like to do on the weekends, what classes they take, who their friends are, things like that... well i never saw anything wrong with this. it was my way of displaying my interest, because i am too shy to just go up to someone and say "i like you". apparently, it is creepy to some people though. his friends accused me of stalking him. i still don't fully understand what i did wrong... don't think i ever will.

i also remember, in eighth grade, i went on a field trip with my entire eighth grade class (it was a private school, and there were only 28 of us) up to Oregon, to go see Shakespeare. it was an amazing preformance. we saw Twelfth Night and Richard III... but i digress. anyway, my mom went with me on this trip, and it was her first time seeing me interact with my classmates. she never realized that when i would tell her the kids were afraid fo me, i was serious. imagine her shock when she found out i had better control over the little hellions than the teachers did...

that all being said... people are not afraid of me anymore. i'm not sure what changed. maybe the majority of the human populace finally woke up and realized that people, in fact, terrify me, and as such, concluded i am not something to be feared. who knows? i must admit that as confusing as it was, sometimes i miss the days when no one was pushing me to be social. now i have my best friend, who either doesn't care or just ignores that i am an Aspie, and he insists on me obtaining a so called "social life", despite my arguments about it. it's quite disconcerting.



huytongirl
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Wed Feb 10, 2010 3:14 pm

Does anyone else get utter, consuming obsessions with men who don't feel the same way? I am struggling hard with this at the moment. Thie Women Who Love Too Much thing - the attraction to distant, emotionally unavailable men... Sound like anyone you know? Always had this problem of obsessions with men I can't have in my 20s: now, in my 40s, it has hit me again like stepping on a rake. I can't decide if this aspect of me is part of Asperger's (rife with obsessions, after all) or if it's just some other wonky part of my mental machinery. I'd love to know is anyone else is in this horrible sick neurotic state, and if anyone has the slightest clue about how to shake such consuming and miserable obsessions out of the head.

I mean, can there be some link - the drive to spot every train, the drive to spend every second with this baffled and wary man... Could this be the female version? Maybe not. Maybe it's just me. I'd like to know, though.



Shebakoby
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Wed Feb 10, 2010 4:18 pm

Ray_Carver wrote:
i used to get the "you're creepy" reaction alot... from the time i was in fourth grade until i got to high school, my peers were afraid of me for some reason. i didn't understand it at first, but as time went on, i did my best to take advantage of it. i discovered that since everyone thought i was creepy, they left me alone, which meant i didn't have to pretend i was "normal" or make any attempts at socializing. which was nice, because i had enough going on during those years anyway. i never viewed it as a bad thing until my freshman year of high school. i had this one guy that i really liked, and one of the things i tend to do when i like someone is i find out all that i can about that person. my obsessive nature expands to people when i decide i like someone. i find out where they hang out, what they like to do on the weekends, what classes they take, who their friends are, things like that... well i never saw anything wrong with this. it was my way of displaying my interest, because i am too shy to just go up to someone and say "i like you". apparently, it is creepy to some people though. his friends accused me of stalking him. i still don't fully understand what i did wrong... don't think i ever will.

i also remember, in eighth grade, i went on a field trip with my entire eighth grade class (it was a private school, and there were only 28 of us) up to Oregon, to go see Shakespeare. it was an amazing preformance. we saw Twelfth Night and Richard III... but i digress. anyway, my mom went with me on this trip, and it was her first time seeing me interact with my classmates. she never realized that when i would tell her the kids were afraid fo me, i was serious. imagine her shock when she found out i had better control over the little hellions than the teachers did...

that all being said... people are not afraid of me anymore. i'm not sure what changed. maybe the majority of the human populace finally woke up and realized that people, in fact, terrify me, and as such, concluded i am not something to be feared. who knows? i must admit that as confusing as it was, sometimes i miss the days when no one was pushing me to be social. now i have my best friend, who either doesn't care or just ignores that i am an Aspie, and he insists on me obtaining a so called "social life", despite my arguments about it. it's quite disconcerting.


I'd only call it 'stalking' if you like, called him like 30 times a day or something, or tried to interact with him at every turn particularly if he desired little or NO contact. Finding out stuff in and of itself is not bad, it's what you do with it that can make it a problem.



Shebakoby
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Wed Feb 10, 2010 4:21 pm

huytongirl wrote:
Does anyone else get utter, consuming obsessions with men who don't feel the same way? I am struggling hard with this at the moment. Thie Women Who Love Too Much thing - the attraction to distant, emotionally unavailable men... Sound like anyone you know? Always had this problem of obsessions with men I can't have in my 20s: now, in my 40s, it has hit me again like stepping on a rake. I can't decide if this aspect of me is part of Asperger's (rife with obsessions, after all) or if it's just some other wonky part of my mental machinery. I'd love to know is anyone else is in this horrible sick neurotic state, and if anyone has the slightest clue about how to shake such consuming and miserable obsessions out of the head.

I mean, can there be some link - the drive to spot every train, the drive to spend every second with this baffled and wary man... Could this be the female version? Maybe not. Maybe it's just me. I'd like to know, though.


It's hard to obsess about something that isn't there, in my case. There literally is nobody that I'd obsess over, living or dead. Occasionally I'll mull over possibilities, which gives me a funny ticklish feeling in my stomach, but these are by no means hard and fast positive signs of attraction. It's just a slight worry that there isn't anyone for me. Eh well, I can pretty much resign myself to being single. Hell, I'd rather turn into a cat and be someone's pet, than be someone's mate.



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Thu Feb 11, 2010 12:05 am

I am creepy... always have been... likely always will be. This has not much been a problem for me as the people I tend to enjoy are unusual, and unusual people tend to be more tolerant of me. The people I scare away... well, I figure it is best for them to run away early to avoid a more problematic situation later. I used to have a disclaimer that I gave people when I still went out in the world and socialized. Heh. If they later would comment on my creepiness, I would remind them of the disclaimer and tell them that I did warn them... not my fault if they opted to not believe me. I come across to forward and scary or too introverted/aloof which is also uninviting. I do not play well with others.

It does not help my creep factor any that I do sometimes become obsessed with people. To my advantage (or more likely theirs) I do not usually desire a relationship with the people I obsess over... not only would it kill my fascination with them to have them in my face, but I tend to see them more as a delightful 'shiny' than a human being and that does not work well in relationships. That being said, after knowing my husband awhile, I did become obsessed with him. I find him captivating and he is the best shiny ever. That could have been disastrous for me had he not felt the same about me. He and I are both creepy people in several different ways... it is alright though because our oddities mesh well. I think that is the trick... everyone is weird... it is just a question of whether or not people can deal with how the other is weird and even better, like them more for it.


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alana
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Thu Feb 11, 2010 5:34 pm

yes unfortunately on the internet but never in real life. There is a game being played online that I don't discern until it is too late and I invest my feelings before I realize none of it is real and then it's hard to let go. I'm foreswearing internet for that reason. There is just no point. It's so in opposition to my real life experiences...so that comforts me that it is an anomaly but to answer your question honestly, yes, I have been a 'creeper-outer' I think.



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Fri Feb 12, 2010 1:16 am

I am not creepy as long as I don't talk to people...once soemthing happens that makes me start talking...it is then that I might become "creepy"....However...I am "scary" all the time...there are tons of people who are "scared" of me....like all the people who work for me...they all think I am some sort of monster....their diminutive boss on her hand flapping on tiptoes with head lowered...like some sort of ghoul out of a horror novel...



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