Page 1 of 4 [ 55 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4  Next

IdahoRose
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2007
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 19,801
Location: The Gem State

12 Feb 2010, 3:38 am

huytongirl wrote:
Does anyone else get utter, consuming obsessions with men who don't feel the same way?


That's happened to me with one guy before - but it turns out the reason he continually rejected me is that he's gay.

I also had an obsession with another girl which lasted about 5 or 6 years after we stopped being on speaking terms. I feel inclined to point out that this obsession was entirely platonic; I just wanted to be her best and only friend.



poopylungstuffing
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Mar 2007
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,714
Location: Snapdragon Ridge

12 Feb 2010, 6:15 pm

IdahoRose wrote:
huytongirl wrote:
Does anyone else get utter, consuming obsessions with men who don't feel the same way?


That's happened to me with one guy before - but it turns out the reason he continually rejected me is that he's gay.

I also had an obsession with another girl which lasted about 5 or 6 years after we stopped being on speaking terms. I feel inclined to point out that this obsession was entirely platonic; I just wanted to be her best and only friend.


This happened to me when I was younger and messed me up for literally years....We briefly dated....and broken up..but remained "friends" which meant occasionally sleeping together....but that just made it all the worst...He devoured a healthy portion of my brain for years....and I was stigmatized and was called a stalker because I wrote him a mass of letters...so I got that reputation among a lot of people who knew the two of us.......even though he played his own part in exacerbating the stiuation by occasionally showing up in my life again....and then ditching me again..and I let it happen because I was "in love"....bleah....I finally got over him, but there are echos of his influence in my life..and he still occasionally appears in my dreams..which meant a lot more when I was actively hung up on him....

He recently contacted me through facebook and apologised for being such an as*hole to me. I am sure glad I am over him and I am double plus glad that he lives in another state.



alana
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Dec 2009
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,015

17 Feb 2010, 8:07 pm

poopylungstuffing wrote:

..even though he played his own part in exacerbating the stiuation by occasionally showing up in my life again....and then ditching me again..and I let it happen because I was "in love"....


I recently went through something similar...I have been thinking that I am so naive due to being on the spectrum that I am a good source of what is called Narcissistic Supply, or NS. If you learn about narcissistic personality disorder you will hear alot about NS. And this is how narcissists relate...they use you to fulfill their needs (for validation, praise, confirmation of their attractiveness or desirability) but they really don't care about you or what your feelings are. In your example it could have just been immaturity of the other person especially since they eventually apologized. In my case I had a relapse during the situation and I know in my heart if I had died during the relapse that person wouldn't have even cared, which really makes me want to kick myself for investing so much feeling. I think also that part of what is hurting me with stuff like this is that as a person on the spectrum I need so little stimuli...people being around me too much is overwhelming so just a nod in my direction here and there is more than enough to keep me interested in them. Unfortunately, too little goes a long way. Probably what an NT requires as proof someone is interested in them is way, way too much interaction for me. So I think I need to address this somehow and find out what is a normal investment to show that someone is interested in me, so I don't fall prey to someone who may be stringing me along, since what would be 'stringing along' for an NT might be an adequate amount of interaction for me, because I can really get too much of a person pretty quick.



patternist
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jul 2008
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,606
Location: at my computer

21 Feb 2010, 12:31 pm

MissConstrue wrote:
So I know there's been threads regarding creepy men and I can see why a guy might feel insulted or take the term creepy offensively. Most aspie men might be mistook for being creepy or taken the wrong way but what about women?

Well personally I'm always paranoid of guys taking me to be the creepy type. It's not easy for me to socialize in a way that might seem "appropriate" or on a friendly term. I know sometimes I'll either come off too shy and detached or to the extreme of being annoying. I think this might be why I can't keep friendships or develop relationships. I have trouble understanding what could be taken as offensive or what could be taken as irritating. Sometimes my thoughts come so random that before I think about what I'm going to say, I say it anyway without thinking only to regret it later.

This also seems to happen whenever I have a crush on a guy. I think in some ways I'm emotionally distancing myself because I don't want to get hurt. So I just come off friendly or distant. However my friendliness may turn into something like fatal attraction except for the part where I admit how I truly feel about the guy.

Not sure if I'm explaining myself very well. Do any females encounter this problem or have this fear of being branded as a stalker or creep?

What are your experiences regarding relationships with guys/friendships?


I totally feel this way all the time, like it's impossible to judge exactly how much affection and attention it is appropriate to give someone.



RichardP
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 19 Nov 2009
Age: 77
Gender: Male
Posts: 67
Location: Altamonte Springs, Florida

21 Mar 2010, 1:41 am

I am a male and an outcast and have been for as long as I can remember. Whenever I have sought out female company ideally of a platonic nature I have sought out anyone I would find who was weird, odd, angry, or frustrated with life: lesbians, confused dominatrixes, people who like me don't seem to like themselves. I am usually terribly shy but sometimes I put on a mask of boldness just to make contact with someone. I find that the company of women often calms me down. Creepy women are a good friendship match for me because I am often told and feel that I am a creepy, misfit, outcast guy.


_________________
RPPVW

"The purpose of the physician is to entertain the patient whilst the disease runs its inevitable course." -Voltaire

Autism-Spectrum Quotient (AT) Test: 46

Broad Autism Phenotype Test: 132 aloof, 114 rigid, 99 pragmatic


Friskeygirl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Jun 2009
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,865

21 Mar 2010, 2:16 am

I seem to be a creep magnet



RichardP
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 19 Nov 2009
Age: 77
Gender: Male
Posts: 67
Location: Altamonte Springs, Florida

21 Mar 2010, 3:58 am

We are what we are. Mockery hurts and serves no good purpose.


_________________
RPPVW

"The purpose of the physician is to entertain the patient whilst the disease runs its inevitable course." -Voltaire

Autism-Spectrum Quotient (AT) Test: 46

Broad Autism Phenotype Test: 132 aloof, 114 rigid, 99 pragmatic


auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,605
Location: the island of defective toy santas

21 Mar 2010, 4:09 am

RichardP wrote:
I am a male and an outcast and have been for as long as I can remember. Whenever I have sought out female company ideally of a platonic nature I have sought out anyone I would find who was weird, odd, angry, or frustrated with life: lesbians, confused dominatrixes, people who like me don't seem to like themselves. I am usually terribly shy but sometimes I put on a mask of boldness just to make contact with someone. I find that the company of women often calms me down. Creepy women are a good friendship match for me because I am often told and feel that I am a creepy, misfit, outcast guy.


am glad you said this, now i know that there are others who feel the same way.



Postures
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Mar 2010
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 853
Location: Polska Rzeczpospolita Ludowa

21 Mar 2010, 8:42 am

I always come off as very creepy because I get too obsessive too quickly.


_________________
...at play amidst the Strangeness and Charm.


sinsboldly
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Nov 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,488
Location: Bandon-by-the-Sea, Oregon

21 Mar 2010, 4:33 pm

I am creepy too, because I know way too much for most guys to feel comfortable around me.



RichardP
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 19 Nov 2009
Age: 77
Gender: Male
Posts: 67
Location: Altamonte Springs, Florida

21 Mar 2010, 9:57 pm

I don't understand what you know or know too much of that would make men feel uncomfortable around you.


_________________
RPPVW

"The purpose of the physician is to entertain the patient whilst the disease runs its inevitable course." -Voltaire

Autism-Spectrum Quotient (AT) Test: 46

Broad Autism Phenotype Test: 132 aloof, 114 rigid, 99 pragmatic


Rose_in_Winter
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Sep 2009
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 741
Location: Kansas City, MO

22 Mar 2010, 10:39 pm

Hrm, never thought about this. I would say that women find me off-putting; I always assumed it's because I am assertive and masculine in certain ways, but perhaps I am also creepy, or being "like a guy" is creepy! My assertiveness was not really a problem for me until grad school; I attended an all-girls's school where assertiveness was seen as a good thing. I attended a college where just about everyone was assertive! I still felt I had trouble making friends in college (until I met other goths) and wasn't sure why. In grad school, the women were often outright mean to me -- at one point I was in a discussion group and the others were talking about a restaurant. I asked if it was any good, and they kind of looked at each other and then one said, "Well, you'd probably like it." I said, "Why me?" She said, "Well, the decor...it's really aimed at guys." I said, "Oh, I probably would like it, then," and the rest all kind of murmured "Yeah." So apparently they thought I was a guy, or a lot like a guy, or something. (I don't look at all male, so I think they thought I was like a guy and it freaked them out that I look like a woman and think like a man, or something.)

Guys, OTOH, I have no trouble with. Despite my female-heavy schools and career choice, most of my friends have been guys for a long time. I only have a couple close female friends, but they both live in New England and I live in Missouri. I have female friends here, but I'm not close to any of them. My husband was my best friend for two years before we began dating, and he is still my best friend. Guys don't seem to find me creepy; they seem to find me kind of cute and funny. (Since I am most certainly not a funny person, I just go with it and make sure to be myself!)



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,285
Location: Stalag 13

24 Mar 2010, 2:20 pm

All the lesbians always seem to come after me. I have two lesbians after me, right now. Ellen and Liz the Les.


_________________
Who wants to adopt a Sweet Pea?


sinsboldly
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Nov 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,488
Location: Bandon-by-the-Sea, Oregon

25 Mar 2010, 9:00 pm

RichardP wrote:
I don't understand what you know or know too much of that would make men feel uncomfortable around you.




in other words, I have been around the block a couple of times, seen backstage at the puppet show, I am not as naive as I once was; I trust, but verify. A man needs to know himself if he is interested in me and yes, I have had several men commit to marriage with me. I loved them dearly. But they were men that knew themselves and wanted a woman that took no guff, either.
I miss them.

Merle



astaut
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2009
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,777
Location: Southeast US

26 Mar 2010, 1:33 am

I haven't heard the term "creepy" used, but people have described me as cold, intimidating, hard to approach, stuff like that. More of a non-warm person that looks hard to approach, not so much a creepy obsessive-type person. Haven't thought about creepy before.



MEATGRINDER
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 20 Dec 2009
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 50

26 Mar 2010, 12:08 pm

Friskeygirl wrote:
I seem to be a creep magnet


:lol:

Just about EVERY woman I've met says this, I guess that's just the way people are.

MissConstrue: If I were you I really wouldn't worry too much about guys finding you "creepy", unless of course they're effete passive-aggressive gay guys :P . Since men for the most part are bigger and stronger than women and women are far less violent then men on average, there's no rational reason for men to be fearful and apprehensive of women. I mean when you say someone is *creepy* you're implying that there is something threatening about them. I think many women, especially when they're young(teens through 20s), are always worried that a guy they find unattractive who shows interest in them might try to rape them and rape certainly IS a big risk for younger women.