Does anyone get attached to people?



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Tim_Tex
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06 Feb 2010, 7:41 am

The "Do you miss friends and family?" thread has got me to thinking if anyone has deep attachments to people.

I get extremely attached to people if I feel I connect with them, to the point that if I go a day without hearing from them, I worry that they have abandoned me.


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EnglishInvader
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06 Feb 2010, 8:28 am

I have had problems with this. I get round it by taking other people with a grain of salt and applying my obsessive tendencies to personal interests.

Funnily enough, I actually found it easier to relate to people when I stopped feeling dependent on them. I interact with people from all over the world in relation to my hobbies, but it's more to do with finding and supplying information than making friends.

My advice is to focus on your own life and let the rest take care of itself.



Kaleido
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06 Feb 2010, 8:59 am

I think this is related to the perseverative tendencies of the autistic brain.

I get 'attached' or stuck on topics or a forum or a person or an idea or anything and it goes on until the next thing comes along, so I might enjoy going for a walk then I want to keep going for walks or I might like eating beef and I end up eating beef for every supper for the next week.

Our brains seem to have missing bits in them and I think this accounts a lot for our being stuck in one place continually doing the one thing over and over. I think 'normal' brains have connections that help them shift to other things more easily.



ASdogGeek
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06 Feb 2010, 11:39 am

YES!! !! ! I do have this I thought I was alone. When I was litttle I used to meltdown when ever I couldn't see my mother unless I went to be by myself. I hated leaving my mom and got really upset when she was late. Since I have grown up I have developed this to other people and it is ussually to one person in particular. I do this with subjects too. though I don't meltdown cause I can't see them I do get upset if I don't hear from them. Right now I am VERY attached to my boyfriend Patrick and I need to hear from him atleast once a day too (though he has ADHD so I have gotten better because He has missed more then just 1 day before :cry: ) I think it is part of why I do have trouble with him going home, because I am often worried about him forgetting or abandoning me. I know it sounds odd. I think those fears are escalated because of the times he has forgotten to call me for a day or or for 6 days. I know he does love me alot though there are days that I have trouble remebering how much he really does love me because he forgets to call or contact me. He is the only guy who has been able to handle the meltdowns and obsessions. He understands I can't read his tone or facail epressions too and I understand he sometimes just gets distracted and forgets.

yeah we make an odd couplebut we love eachother and thats all that matters.

oh as a kid I also had over attachments to certain toys and pets. I am also over attached to my dog too :)



Elementary_Physics
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06 Feb 2010, 12:22 pm

Yes. I had an English teacher whom I am very attached to. I stop seeing my friends at lunch just to see him - I don't mind missing my School Bus because I like to see him after school too. Very attached.



passionatebach
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06 Feb 2010, 12:26 pm

This is one of the most annoying and defining aspects of my AS diagnosis. I am not sure if attachment is any different than an obsession with a person.

I have been attached to people, sometimes inapropriately since the 2nd grade. It seems as though I get older, the manafestations of this become more troublesome.

I am currently attached to a 25 year casual friend/acquaintoverimance whom I would like to have back in my life. I assisted him with community flood recovery when he was mayor of that community. He got very upset with my overinvolvement.

There is some hope in this situation. I got word from a mutual friend this week whom recently had a conversation with my mayor friend. In his eyes he thought that I thought he wasn't doing a good job as mayor. I know that I offered unsolisited advice, and sometimes did things behind the scenes to help him and his community out. My feelings for him were the exact opposite, I admired him for the job that he did, and would of responded in many of the situations the same way he did.

The 6-8 months that I helped him was one of the most fulfilling times of my life, because I felt that I was helping a friend and the people that he represented and I could see that results of that work. To have happen what happened made me feel like the floor was ripped out underneath me (the perceived loss of a friendship and fulfilling work). I have been depressed over this situation ever since. The information that I got last week, I hope is a segue into rebuilding the friendship.



ProfessorX
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06 Feb 2010, 12:47 pm

Yes, I've tended to get attached to people in a very strong way yet, sometimes these attachments have come at a price either in the form of being tormented and abused or wherein; people walk away or something tragic happens.Still, I'm not some emotionally,cold robot though...



Spatulas
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06 Feb 2010, 1:00 pm

Most definitely. It's the thing I hate most about myself. I know friends come and go but I hate it >.< I want them to always be there.



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06 Feb 2010, 1:52 pm

I get really attatched to people. I get really distressed if they 'dissapear' even for a short while although I rarely tell anyone this. I think with me it is because my Mum used to dissapear out of the house without telling me she was going when I was still quite young and it frightens me to feel alone.


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06 Feb 2010, 2:13 pm

I find that I get really attached to friends and family.


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Tim_Tex
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07 Feb 2010, 2:38 am

ASdogGeek wrote:
YES!! !! ! I do have this I thought I was alone. When I was litttle I used to meltdown when ever I couldn't see my mother unless I went to be by myself. I hated leaving my mom and got really upset when she was late. Since I have grown up I have developed this to other people and it is ussually to one person in particular. I do this with subjects too. though I don't meltdown cause I can't see them I do get upset if I don't hear from them. Right now I am VERY attached to my boyfriend Patrick and I need to hear from him atleast once a day too (though he has ADHD so I have gotten better because He has missed more then just 1 day before :cry: ) I think it is part of why I do have trouble with him going home, because I am often worried about him forgetting or abandoning me. I know it sounds odd. I think those fears are escalated because of the times he has forgotten to call me for a day or or for 6 days. I know he does love me alot though there are days that I have trouble remebering how much he really does love me because he forgets to call or contact me. He is the only guy who has been able to handle the meltdowns and obsessions. He understands I can't read his tone or facail epressions too and I understand he sometimes just gets distracted and forgets.

yeah we make an odd couplebut we love eachother and thats all that matters.

oh as a kid I also had over attachments to certain toys and pets. I am also over attached to my dog too :)


My dog is also one that I become very attached to. I have trouble making friends, so it's more of an issue for me.


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ASdogGeek
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07 Feb 2010, 2:41 am

Tim_Tex wrote:
ASdogGeek wrote:
YES!! !! ! I do have this I thought I was alone. When I was litttle I used to meltdown when ever I couldn't see my mother unless I went to be by myself. I hated leaving my mom and got really upset when she was late. Since I have grown up I have developed this to other people and it is ussually to one person in particular. I do this with subjects too. though I don't meltdown cause I can't see them I do get upset if I don't hear from them. Right now I am VERY attached to my boyfriend Patrick and I need to hear from him atleast once a day too (though he has ADHD so I have gotten better because He has missed more then just 1 day before :cry: ) I think it is part of why I do have trouble with him going home, because I am often worried about him forgetting or abandoning me. I know it sounds odd. I think those fears are escalated because of the times he has forgotten to call me for a day or or for 6 days. I know he does love me alot though there are days that I have trouble remebering how much he really does love me because he forgets to call or contact me. He is the only guy who has been able to handle the meltdowns and obsessions. He understands I can't read his tone or facail epressions too and I understand he sometimes just gets distracted and forgets.

yeah we make an odd couplebut we love eachother and thats all that matters.

oh as a kid I also had over attachments to certain toys and pets. I am also over attached to my dog too :)


The great thing about Nim being a service dog is she helps me make friends but I still say she is my closet friend. I also find all the friend I have made are on the spetrum lol not that there are many but I have a few thanks to Nim.

How old is your dog?

What breed?

My dog is also one that I become very attached to. I have trouble making friends, so it's more of an issue for me.



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07 Feb 2010, 4:52 am

I'd say that i'm attached to my family.. but no *obsessions* with people. Ever since my little sister got married and moved out, i miss having her around. I try to get her to come over here or do things with her whenever i can now.. it just seems weird now. And, when i was little i was very attached to my grandmother. A few times when they came to visit and would then have to leave, i would chase after their car down the street.. lol. I wouldn't say this has ever been an obsessive type of thing with me.. But i just got used to them being around, and i wanted them to stay because they are familiar and i like them.



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07 Feb 2010, 5:19 am

Aside from my mother whom I was like glued to as a child (and it took her forever to get me to do that), I never got attached to people. I was more attached to objects and animals. I think I am more attached to my pet lizard than anyone else.


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Etular
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07 Feb 2010, 5:35 am

I've had so many terrible events due to this it's unbelievable. In Primary, I had a friend called Decklen (correct spelling) that always used to pick fights with others. You can already guess how that went bad. Second School, as I was just starting to make friends, a kid called Ralph thought it good to make me his own personal "headbutting bag". Every "friend", from then on, abandoned me. Third School, I had two friends, one of which I still see and am friendly with now. The first (whom I don't see anymore) moved away to Brussels. The second (who I do still see) thought it correct to sever our friendship (and the friendships of our two families) by thieving a PS2 Game. Our families have never spoken since, and I no longer trust him.

Now, when I view a friend, i see him as a pawn to be manipulated. Nothing more. That way, I try to stop myself growing an attachment to him/her.



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