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princesseli
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06 Feb 2010, 5:09 pm

So, I had this one friend who started blowing me off so I got into his face trying to ask what was up and after so much "harassment" from me. He didnt wanna be friends with me. Now I have another friend whos starting to blow me off except hes an internet friend. After losing a friend, I really dont wanna loose this friend. I wanna get to the root of the matter, its just in my nature. When I feel theres something wrong I always wanna know why. I already asked them and they said they dont wanna talk about it. They forgave me in part cause im aspie. I dont know what to do. I dont wanna "harass" them so much that they dont wanna be my friend for sure. Do I just leave it alone, do I confront them about it, something else. I always get bothered when stuff like this happens. :(



Paula
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06 Feb 2010, 6:22 pm

You've asked, and thats all you can do. If you do harass it will only get worse. I know it's hard, but you have no choice, let them go and move on...in the mean time...you have everyone here who will understand you better and be more tolerant and if they wanna blow you off, you know why because they will tell you why. But I have a feeling you won't need to worry about that. I may be wrong here but when you get a friend are you always needing to be with them, do you call them constantly,do you try to be involved in every little aspect of their lives, do you think they may feel a bit smothered by you? It's just a guess but when we come off as desperate we can scare people away. I could be wrong, but maybe thats what happened. Let them go, you'll always have friends here.



Etular
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07 Feb 2010, 6:27 am

I myself, tend to cancel arrangements quite alot, however, I always give a reason (even if I do so quite close to the date of arrival, or even slightly overdue). In that respect, I can empathise with your former friends, however, they should have at least gave a reason. The reason that I cancel arrangements, mostly, is because of parental issues, anxiety, lack of information about the arrangement or more important matters to be done at the time.



princesseli
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08 Feb 2010, 12:33 am

Let me just say first that he is an online friend who is aspie. He did ive me reasons for blowing me off and at first they seem understanding enough. Hes working full time and going to school full time which I realize means hes real busy. But then he started giving restricitions on how many times I should contact him(admittedly I do go a bit overboard at times). He told me at one point that we cant talk till summer. To me, it just seems a bit excessive, it comes down a strong suspicion that he dosent wanna talk to me anymore without giving me a reason. He never replies to my emails and rarely answers my phonecalls. I figured if he was just busy(and nothing else) he'd give me a quick reply and make it understanding enough that its just busyness. But I cant help but suspect theres something else going on except Im not quite sure what. But then I realize hes aspie and I dont know if its just a misunderstanding. Cause I know it happens, we give off certain messages that we dont mean. So basically Im confused.



Tory_canuck
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08 Feb 2010, 4:41 am

If its an NT, Save yourself the agony and pain of being "dumped" due to their superficiality..Dump them before they dump you...That way, you will feel like you had more control of the situation at least.Them not being your friend anymore is inevitable, so it's best you do the dumping instead of them doing it to you.
I have been dumped many times my whole life (excuses and all).Now, after a few times of a person blowing me off and making excuses, I just consider them not a friend anymore....basically, I dump them before they dump me...I feel less pain as a result because I had more control over things.NT's have a thing for


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Etular
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08 Feb 2010, 10:59 am

Somewhat agreed. If he's restricting your contacting - you need to start asking questions. Why are you restricting our contacting? Do you realise doing so is damaging our relationship? Do you care about our relationship? etc.

However, prepare for the worst.



princesseli
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08 Feb 2010, 4:57 pm

Etular wrote:
Somewhat agreed. If he's restricting your contacting - you need to start asking questions. Why are you restricting our contacting? Do you realise doing so is damaging our relationship? Do you care about our relationship? etc.

However, prepare for the worst.


Hmm...thats normally what I would do. I feel like I would just need to find a better angle in approaching the situation. In both situations Im getting the whole, you should respect a persons decision if they dont want to contact you of something like that. How do I get around this whole concept of so called disrespectful. Whenever I try to approach the situation I get the whole, your being disrespectful. And its making me mad, whats respect and whats not. Cause in my opinion avoiding the subject and or just straight up cutting it off is disrepectful too.



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10 Feb 2010, 7:27 am

I feel that one of my three closest friends is blowing me off, at the moment. Yes, the same one who admitted me to the emergency ward at my local hospital, in October. She hasn't been returning my calls, again, and she hung up on me, before I even had the chance to say anything, with me crying on the phone. I was only going to leave a message, telling her that she didn't have to phone me, if she didn't want to.


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10 Feb 2010, 6:33 pm

Speaking as a person who has been in said friend's position before I can sort of empathize. Some people just need space and don't like friendships that become too consuming, if you want to keep said person as a friend you gotta respect that.

A sign that this may be the case is said person is responding either very briefly or not at all to any messages over a period of time. Never send too many, you'll only make them feel guilty. When they start to feel guilty the friendship starts to feel like a burden.


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