Can Boys and girls with Autism be boyfriend and girlfriend?



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regularcat
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Wed Feb 17, 2010 6:42 am

I've had a NT girlfriend before, and it was pure hell...i thought i fell in love, then she says "I don't know what love is", "[removed - M.]", and all these mean things, and in the back of my mind i'm sayin' "WOW, are you serious?", and she kept asking if i loved her....she screwed me up bigtime, plus i hated hugging her...well to my point, can 2 Autistic's be lovers?...cuz that'd be quite awesome



Tim_Tex
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Wed Feb 17, 2010 7:11 am

There have been relationships between two people on the spectrum. In fact, there are couples who met on WP and its sister site, Aspie Affection.

I was in a relationship with a fellow spectrumite for three years. The relationship ended nearly four years ago, but she and I are still very good friends.


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Fiz
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Wed Feb 17, 2010 7:50 am

I don't see why not, particularly as two autistics are likely to understand each other. I've seen couples on here that are both on the autism spectrum, so I guess it must work for some.



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Wed Feb 17, 2010 7:51 am

Of course! That dosen't mean two people will get along and be perfect for each other just because they're both on the spectrum, we're all indiviuals like anyone else. But they will understand each other, can be more open, and have a good relationship.



ursaminor
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Wed Feb 17, 2010 8:26 am

Yes.
But both being autistic rarely leads to understanding.
For me, at least.
I do not unerstand anyone and I do not want to.
What is the use of understanding someone?
Will you be able to predict their next move?



superboyian
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Wed Feb 17, 2010 8:39 am

Yes, they can be together off course.... I have an girlfriend and she is however autistic... :wink:
I don't see anything wrong with that... and so far i've been in a good state since then. :D :heart:

Good luck if you are planning to do so and hope it does go well for you. :)


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Wed Feb 17, 2010 9:38 am

I have found that it IS possible but difficult. It took four months for us to be okay with hand-holding, and another three before we kissed. :oops: He kept saying he loved me but I was thinking that semantically speaking, it wasn't that big of a deal. Just chemicals telling him that, you know? I felt something closer to scientific interest until 11 months of being with him.
He understands why I can't express myself well, and why I pace in circles on my tippy toes.. mostly..and it doesn't always bother him when I'd rather read than listen to him talk about models from his favorite anime..It's really comfortable now, and I know he wouldn't push me into doing anything too socially taxing, since he hates that kind of thing as well. So it has been a year and eight months.



MizLiz
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Wed Feb 17, 2010 4:30 pm

I think it would probably be easier for him to understand my sensory issues and why I require so much time alone (I just can't handle so much time spent with other people, even just one... I need to be able to retreat into my head to work shit out).

But I wouldn't date me if I were a guy.



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Wed Feb 17, 2010 5:02 pm

Yes.


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Wed Feb 17, 2010 6:24 pm

Yeah it could work well.

It could also be awful.

Compatibility is just as important for two aspies as an aspie and anyone else.


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Villette
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Thu Feb 18, 2010 7:34 am

hi book_noodles my situation is quite similar to yours. this guy and i fell in love with each other due to intellectual interests. we live in different countries but email each other. (we've met each other before at a family gathering.) recently he said he would like a relationship so i suppose he wishes to further our friendship. however i have a difficulty in socialising so i'm scared he will be put off by my inability to talk like a normal person. i've told him about my social awkwardness but not my AS. I said something about relationships not being everything and he hasn't replied since. i'm scared he will be put off by the fact i'm alone and don't hand out with friends like a normal teenager (I'm 19). Should I tell him about my AS? Do you think I should give this future relationship a chance? if all goes well i should be seeing him this december. so far he has been patient with my social inadequacy but i can't expect him to suffer because of my syndrome. he also appreciates emotional support and is close to his family. i am not close to my family. on another note his mum seems to approve of me because i'm the studious, nerdy innocent sort and my family has a number of professionals and academics.



book_noodles
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Fri Feb 19, 2010 12:39 am

Villette wrote:
hi book_noodles my situation is quite similar to yours. this guy and i fell in love with each other due to intellectual interests. we live in different countries but email each other. (we've met each other before at a family gathering.) recently he said he would like a relationship so i suppose he wishes to further our friendship. however i have a difficulty in socialising so i'm scared he will be put off by my inability to talk like a normal person. i've told him about my social awkwardness but not my AS. I said something about relationships not being everything and he hasn't replied since. i'm scared he will be put off by the fact i'm alone and don't hand out with friends like a normal teenager (I'm 19). Should I tell him about my AS? Do you think I should give this future relationship a chance?...so far he has been patient with my social inadequacy but i can't expect him to suffer because of my syndrome.

That sounds familiar..My boyfriend's younger brother has AS, so he knew about my little situation before I even told him. I guess the mannerisms are a giveaway. By the time we discussed it, he already knew me so well it barely mattered. He doesn't even mind it when it is too loud for me to stay outside with his friends...and I drag him into the library! It's hard to say how your "guy" would react to your lifestyle. It might help that you have your difficulties articulated in writing so that he will mostly know what to expect when you interact in real life... Not sure what else..



Descartes30
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Fri Feb 19, 2010 12:51 am

I would have really liked to try. But I've never had a female aspie be attracted to me. It seems like it would be nice to try a relationship with someone that can at least relate to me some.


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Ad
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Fri Feb 19, 2010 8:46 am

I am an Autistic transgirl and I am far more attracted to Autistic guys than NTs. I have also dated autistic boys online but haven't met one like me.

I think its far easier for us to date one of our own kind than an NT.



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Fri Feb 19, 2010 1:50 pm

Ad wrote:
I am an Autistic transgirl and I am far more attracted to Autistic guys than NTs. I have also dated autistic boys online but haven't met one like me.

I think its far easier for us to date one of our own kind than an NT.


I would agree. While there can also be pitfalls in relationships between two spectrumites, they don't have to deal with having to read hidden cues and hints that non-spectrumites often give.


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