trouble thinking of things to talk about



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Einschmidt
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01 Mar 2010, 10:10 pm

For some reason when I talk to people I often have trouble thinking of things to talk about (I think cause of my aspergers). What should I do? I do have this book of interesting questions but I haven't memorized it obviously



atxa
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01 Mar 2010, 10:20 pm

Same with me.

Einschmidt wrote:
For some reason when I talk to people I often have trouble thinking of things to talk about (I think cause of my aspergers). What should I do? I do have this book of interesting questions but I haven't memorized it obviously



Brennan
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02 Mar 2010, 12:03 am

Me too.

I do okay asking the stock standard questions like what do you do for a living/what did you do on the weekend/what things do you enjoy doing but once they have been done, I have no idea what to talk to people about.

I really envy those people who can just keep a conversation going and not only that but make it an interesting conversation that doesn't bore the other person to death. I just never learnt that skill.



BeauZa
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02 Mar 2010, 12:28 am

I think that those "stock standard questions" are best used on the first conversation; you ask these questions and should hopefully create opportunities to learn about the recipient, whereas you will ask questions that expand on what they have told you.
Then during all conversations after that, you can ask them questions regarding what they have been up to regarding any sporting teams or special interest groups that they are involved in, or just what they have been up to in general! This shows the person that you were listening to what they told you about themselves and will be pleased that you went to the trouble to remember. :)


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02 Mar 2010, 5:22 am

My mum told me that talking about the weather is always a safe option when it comes to conversation topics. Just something like "It's a nice day today, isn't it? Do you have any plans to enjoy the sun?"...or..."What a horrible day, it interrupted my plans, what about yours?".


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mrsmithzero
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02 Mar 2010, 5:34 pm

Sorry to hear that. That's my biggest problem with socializing too. I try watching show like 'The Daily Show' and 'Tosh.0' to have something to talk about. I read a few news stories and check the headline each day. Doesn't seem to help me much I still geet just blank but its a start :(

good luck



swansong
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02 Mar 2010, 6:53 pm

What conversations are best to say at what times depends entirely on the moment, but here are two good ways to start a conversation.

clothing/accessories: Starting a conversation about how you like their shirt, or where did they get their hat from, or complimenting them on their new haircut.

their apparent interests: If you see them wearing a Bob Dylan shirt or holding a George Orwell books or pursuing one of their hobbies, then thats a perfect opportunity

Good Topics To Talk About

the news/politics: yes, this is a controversial topic and should be avoided by people who cannot handle it maturely, but overall it sparks a great conversation as many people have firm opinions that they want to express.

school/work: if they are classmates or coworkers, you can't go wrong with that.

entertainment: music, movies, television, reading, video games, everybody has some kind of entertainment they like.

ask them a question: such as what is your opinion on this or what would you rather

But ultimately, you shouldn't go into a conversation with a list of prepared topics. most of the time, you forget them or they never are needed. the best advice i have to be well-rounded with knowledge on many different topics, and start discussions based on the OTHER PERSON's interests - not yours.



auntblabby
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05 Mar 2010, 6:01 pm

Einschmidt wrote:
For some reason when I talk to people I often have trouble thinking of things to talk about (I think cause of my aspergers). What should I do? I do have this book of interesting questions but I haven't memorized it obviously


surely you must have an opinion about something under the sun. so as long as you have one, you can share it with somebody else, thus you will have at least one thing to talk about. you have preferences, discuss preferences. you can even talk about not having anything to talk about, like on this forum. only thing is you must choose your audience carefully. just my 2-cents' worth.



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05 Mar 2010, 7:04 pm

I find even with being a very opinionated person I too can be lost for words. So I watch the news or lighter news programs. I hang around with the music crowd so that's always a good topic to bring up. "Been to any good shows lately? Who are you seeing next? Have you been to that club?" It amazing that I can think of these things now and when I'm around people I can draw a complete blank. Complaining about the weather is a good topic starter. No one wants to be positive about the weather.
People don't tend to want to know about your special interests. I'm not likely to bring up astronomy or lobotomy.


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auntblabby
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05 Mar 2010, 10:18 pm

pensieve wrote:
People don't tend to want to know about your special interests. I'm not likely to bring up astronomy or lobotomy.


but lobotomytic [invented word] history is an interesting topic. you can start with frances farmer.



ConfoundGordon
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19 May 2010, 1:25 am

"...often have trouble thinking of things to talk about..."

That is up my alley too. It's been a real challenge on my part for some time. I can start a conversation if I'm able to force myself mentally, but carrying it on is torture. Especially if it's on a topic I have absolute no interest in. Find something going on daily, personal interests, or other subjects you feel the need to discuss. Nothing too helpful, but a hind. I think it also depends on which person you are talking to. Is he or she a good friend of yours or more of an acquaintance?


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grendel
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19 May 2010, 3:01 am

I'm not any good at this either. My fallback is weather (which actually might have some import on the day... it seems like there's always something considered unusual about it). You can always use the phrase "Hot enough for ya?". Unfortunately after the person thinks up some response it can only be carried so far.

I read a tip about this which seems to work the best, which is to comment on something in the environment. Look at anything around you and make an observation about it. The pattern on the floor tiles. A bug. The air quality. etc. the possibilities here are endless. I avoid mentioning anything on the person themselves usually (unless I already know them really well) because it makes me somewhat uncomfortable when people comment on my personal features or clothing (plus aside from the awkward "thank you" there's not much else you can say).

My first impulse is usually the first thought that comes into my head, which is usually very obscure, unrelated to the present situation except in a remote way, and revealing of some bizarre thought processes or philosophy which would require a lengthy explanation. My first impulse is always best suppressed unless I already know the person really well and am not going to scare them too much, otherwise it never goes over well.



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19 May 2010, 6:14 am

auntblabby wrote:
pensieve wrote:
People don't tend to want to know about your special interests. I'm not likely to bring up astronomy or lobotomy.


but lobotomytic [invented word] history is an interesting topic. you can start with frances farmer.


The problem is most people won't want to talk about that or anything else in depth and interesting.

I have problems thinking of things to say as well. My sister just can't understand this and pointed out to me the other day a conversation between Mr Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet from Pride and Prejudice:

"I certainly have not the talent which some people possess," said Darcy, "of conversing easily with those I have never seen before. I cannot catch their tone of conversation, or appear interested in their concerns, as I often see done."
"My fingers," said Elizabeth, "do not move over this instrument in the masterly manner which I see so many women's do. They have not the same force or rapidity, and do not produce the same expression. But then I have always supposed it to be my own fault- because I would not take the trouble of practising..."

Which I thought was quite clever of her even though it was quiet patronising. She doesn't understand that if I have nothing to say, I have nothing to say.



Kuramu
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19 May 2010, 8:00 am

I have a problem keeping conversations going. Usually, with the people that I run into, their interests bore me - Things like girl stuff, boys, and pop music and usually brought up in my classroom, which I don't find interesting at all.
When I bring up my tastes in music, it ends up going into a debate or argument (ie: "That isn't real music! This is!" Or "You don't like X?! How could you!").

Perhaps I should get a book on conversation starters - or, atleast, a "How To" book on how to keep a conversation going.



ambi
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19 May 2010, 10:25 am

there is a girl in my class I enjoy talking to about our major but as soon we try to talk about something else I blank out and I'm desperately trying to not talk obsesively about our major but for the life of me I cannot find anything else to say which sucks as she's the only person to talk to me more than once just cause she wants to in nearly a year.



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