How to respond to playfully inappropriate comments?



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oshibka
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Sun Apr 11, 2010 2:49 pm

So I've had some experiences with friends when we are just goofing around talking about something, and I might say something sarcastic, and someone responds to me with something vulgar like "F--- you" or "Go f--- yourself". Now, they say stuff like that with a smile on their face, so it is clear that they are joking around and not meaning any harm. Also, I myself am not offended by these comments, because I recognize that they are just trying to be funny.

The problem is that I'm not a vulgar person myself and I seldom ever swear, so it doesn't feel natural to respond with an equally vulgar comment. What I usually end up doing is awkwardly smiling or laughing and not actually responding to the "F--- you" with any real statement. This seems to give people the impression that I'm offended though and that I'm just covering it up, and sometimes friends may say something "Sorry I'm being so vulgar" or something, and I don't know how to respond to that - I feel really lame saying something like "No, go ahead, I think it's cool!".

Anyone else have related experiences?



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Sun Apr 11, 2010 2:54 pm

I just ignore such comments. Comments like that, aren't worth my time.


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schleppenheimer
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Sun Apr 11, 2010 3:01 pm

I think that, going by your description, that the way you have BEEN responding is fine. Just laugh and shrug it off -- don't give it any more thought than that, and you don't need to respond with "No, go ahead, I think it's cool!" The fact is, their responses really ARE vulgar, and there is NOTHING WRONG with you for not chiming in with the same vulgar response. You have your way of responding, and they have theirs. You should feel ok with NOT being vulgar, and they, if they must, should feel ok with being vulgar.



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Sun Apr 11, 2010 3:44 pm

oshibka wrote:
. . . to give people the impression that I'm offended though and that I'm just covering it up, and sometimes friends may say something "Sorry I'm being so vulgar" or something, . . .

'That's okay.'

And so, if someone gives an apology, you can choose to just accept it in a brief and matter-of-fact way (this is usually best, but with us complex human beings, nothing works all the time, and it has to work for you, too).



PunkyKat
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Sun Apr 11, 2010 3:47 pm

If someone makes a really stupid comment, I tilt my glasses down a little bit and give the person a funny stare. I refuse to associate with people who have minds dirtier than toilots and make vulgar comments on the regualr basis and talk of nothing but sex. I'm quilty of being a potty mouth now and then but only when I am truely truely offended or angry and can't get out my frustration or anger with regualr words.



oshibka
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Sun Apr 11, 2010 4:03 pm

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
oshibka wrote:
. . . to give people the impression that I'm offended though and that I'm just covering it up, and sometimes friends may say something "Sorry I'm being so vulgar" or something, . . .

'That's okay.'

And so, if someone gives an apology, you can choose to just accept it in a brief and matter-of-fact way (this is usually best, but with us complex human beings, nothing works all the time, and it has to work for you, too).


That sounds like a good idea. The main thing is I don't want to make a big thing of it in the conversation.

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I refuse to associate with people who have minds dirtier than toilots and make vulgar comments on the regualr basis and talk of nothing but sex.


Generally I don't associate with people like that either. These are just normal friends who just occasionally throw in vulgarities from time to time. I think giving them a stare would draw too much attention to their vulgarity and give the impression that I'm offended.



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Sun Apr 11, 2010 4:03 pm

PunkyKat wrote:
. . . I'm quilty of being a potty mouth now and then but only when I am truely truely offended or angry and can't get out my frustration or anger with regualr words.


I kind of make a distinction between exuberant swearing (which I'm kind of in favor of) and angry swearing. And there might be a further distinction between swearing about a situation (understandable) and at a person (not so cool). But even if you do this.

[20 second pause]

'Sorry.'

And that's often enough! Even though the person might need some space for a while, which is fine, too.



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Sun Apr 11, 2010 4:07 pm

oshibka wrote:
. . . That sounds like a good idea. The main thing is I don't want to make a big thing of it in the conversation. . .

But it's okay if you do. It's okay if you make that mistake.

One thing I tell myself is to let a medium mistake just be a medium mistake.



msinglynx
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Sun Apr 11, 2010 4:59 pm

my brother has the vulgar type of tourettes so Ive developed quite an atrocious potty mouth myself but I do have some non vulgar advice for this.

This game is about one up-ing each other & you dont have to do it the same way they do, the purpose is to say the most ludicrous contextually appropriate comment & make each other laugh. Make sure they arent laughing at YOU but at your comment (comedy is my own little socialization trick & it works really well, puts everyone in a good mood & more inclined to explain things to you. Some Aspies might criticize the self effacing attitude but it works for me) and say something crazy but CLEVER like: No, I prefer not to have intercourse with pacaderms.
You've acknowledged their "f**k" & turned it around by saying that they are an elephant (can be interpreted as fat, ugly, etc) & saying you arent interested. You've just one up-ed them! Remember tho to stick to vocabulary they know tho, otherwise they just stare at you blankly & your statement has had no effect. Try it out, dont script it, just use this idea as a guide & think of funny appropriate responses. You dont have to be vlgar ;) And the "clean-ness" of your response may contribute to the comedy.


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Sun Apr 11, 2010 5:31 pm

oshibka wrote:
So I've had some experiences with friends when we are just goofing around talking about something, and I might say something sarcastic, and someone responds to me with something vulgar like "F--- you" or "Go f--- yourself". Now, they say stuff like that with a smile on their face, so it is clear that they are joking around and not meaning any harm. Also, I myself am not offended by these comments, because I recognize that they are just trying to be funny.

The problem is that I'm not a vulgar person myself and I seldom ever swear, so it doesn't feel natural to respond with an equally vulgar comment. What I usually end up doing is awkwardly smiling or laughing and not actually responding to the "F--- you" with any real statement. This seems to give people the impression that I'm offended though and that I'm just covering it up, and sometimes friends may say something "Sorry I'm being so vulgar" or something, and I don't know how to respond to that - I feel really lame saying something like "No, go ahead, I think it's cool!".

Anyone else have related experiences?


Yeah. I solved them by not hanging out with Russians. Also I learned to swear in case I do find myself in need to respond in kind.



sacrip
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Sun Apr 11, 2010 8:55 pm

People notice vulgarity, but rarely notice the lack of it. I hardly ever swear, even around swearers, and hardly anybody comments on it. Don't ever feel like you have to say "f**k" if someone else does.


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Ravenchild
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Sun Apr 11, 2010 9:50 pm

An effective response to the "F... you" (or "him" or "them" or "it"..... or whatever...) is
"Metaphorically, metaphysically or literally?"
It usually raises a smile, or a look of total incomprehension... Either is good!


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Sun Apr 11, 2010 11:55 pm

Ravenchild wrote:
An effective response to the "F... you" (or "him" or "them" or "it"..... or whatever...) is "Metaphorically, metaphysically or literally?"
It usually raises a smile, or a look of total incomprehension... Either is good!


that is classic :)
but we all have our moments :roll:



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Mon Apr 12, 2010 12:32 am

Hmm, I like to pretend that I took what they said literally.

"F**K you."

"Really? Here in front of all these people?"


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ProfessorAspie
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Mon Apr 12, 2010 12:59 am

Ravenchild wrote:
An effective response to the "F... you" (or "him" or "them" or "it"..... or whatever...) is
"Metaphorically, metaphysically or literally?"
It usually raises a smile, or a look of total incomprehension... Either is good!


My response to "F--- you" is usually "anytime, hon."



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