Board index › General Discussion › General Autism Discussion

Why do people ignore me when other NTs are around?

Page 1 of 2 [ 21 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

superboyian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Sep 2009
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,704
Location: London

13 Apr 2010, 7:28 pm

nirrti_rachelle wrote:
I've noticed something that kind of perplexes me.

When there are other people around, people tend to ignore me and talk amongst themselves. It can even be me and two other people in the room and the other two will talk to each other but not me.

But if there is just me and another person in the room, all the sudden, the same people who ignored me before want to socialize with me. I'm in graduate school so it's not like I'm dealing with a bunch of teenagers who worship social conformity.

Why do they do this? Do I have some kind of involuntary invisibility ability? Can they only see me when others aren't around? Do they see the others as "default" people and only talk to me when they have no other choice?


I feel your pain too Rachelle, especially when all my friends are in a full group, I tend to not really say much and then I sometimes feel that they don't see me there when I've been in the conversation for a long time, I even have to sometimes occupy myself at times, I find that PRETTY annoying occasionally but at least they give me the chance to speak which I think is nice.

Are you one of those quiet types?


_________________
BACK in London…. For now.
Follow my adventures on twitter: @superboyian
Please feel free to help my aspie friend become a pilot: https://gofund.me/a9ae45b4


Xavren
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 12 Apr 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28
Location: PA

13 Apr 2010, 7:47 pm

Always hated that many ppl do not listen to my suggestion on things. My word has no value on the outcome of things in life ussually. I hate having groups any bigger than three because then i go to the sidelines on the conversation, i think it is because it take me to long to make a good reply.



pensieve
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Nov 2008
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,204
Location: Sydney, Australia

13 Apr 2010, 7:52 pm

Rose_in_Winter wrote:
That's good! Then I'd wonder, do you talk at all? Do you respond to what they say with positive reinforcement or thoughtful commentary? Do you make sure to share your own opinions on whatever the topic is? Not talking enough can be just as off-putting as talking too much; it sends the same negative messages. My husband often does not respond when I am talking to him, which I find very hurtful and highly aggravating!

This pretty much. I'm quiet because I'm well too aware of how I have appeared rude in the past for butting in or saying something inappropriate. If you go back years and years ago I would not have not only not talked to people I wouldn't even hang around them.

I find that people don't always listen to me and talk amongst each other. Actually since hearing damage in the left eardrum I've not cared as much. It takes me even longer to understand what someone has said.


_________________
My band photography blog - http://lostthroughthelens.wordpress.com/
My personal blog - http://helptheywantmetosocialise.wordpress.com/


nirrti_rachelle
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2005
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,302
Location: The Dirty South

14 Apr 2010, 2:30 am

superboyian wrote:
I feel your pain too Rachelle, especially when all my friends are in a full group, I tend to not really say much and then I sometimes feel that they don't see me there when I've been in the conversation for a long time, I even have to sometimes occupy myself at times, I find that PRETTY annoying occasionally but at least they give me the chance to speak which I think is nice.

Are you one of those quiet types?


Yes, I'm quiet and find verbal conversation difficult unless it's family or a really close friend I'm talking to. Others probably interpret this as me being weird. Or worse, when I decide to join in the conversation, I mess up, and they think I must not the "sharpest knife in the drawer".

One of my professors told me he thought I had schizophrenia before I told him I had AS. He used to be a psychiatric social worker and many of his patients were schizophrenics. :(


_________________
"There is difference and there is power. And who holds the power decides the meaning of the difference." --June Jordan


alana
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Dec 2009
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,015

14 Apr 2010, 3:23 am

like attracts like?

I don't know but it's that way with me too I think. It depends, though, I have experienced people out there that like me. And when I am around cynical people like me I have a good time. But around NT, like my family, they tolerate me, they humor me, they throw each other the side-eye, but I never feel I fit in. And they don't 'get' my humor at all. My sister actually 'got' a joke of mine the other day for the first time in our lives I think. Her ex- husband is civilian labor in Afghanistan and he's home & taking her to the beach w/ their daughter...she said, it is going to be so weird going to the beach and I don't know if he will want me there and I said, just wait, if he thinks dealing with the Taliban is hard wait til he has to take care of a two-year old. I wish I had a camera to capture the look of shock on her face when it hit her that what I said actually made sense in a funny way. It was so funny watching her process that. Because most of the time they treat me like I have two heads.



Katatonic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Nov 2008
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 673
Location: Bowling Green, KY, USA

14 Apr 2010, 9:58 pm

I have this friend at work that I'm around quite often and I'd say 90% of the time its like I might as be a wall. They don't look at me, speak to me, nothing. But they give my friend their undivided attention. In a way I like to just kind of be a fly on the wall and not be noticed, but in another I find it insulting. This happens almost every time when a female is present. And its not like he's a great looking guy. To be quite honest I look much better then him.....but still. I'm ignored and thats that. Maybe its cause I look like a bald hitman or something........


_________________
No.