Question about your speech and other ppl's speech

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crocus
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14 Apr 2010, 11:36 pm

I have some questions about the way I speak and a quirk I have as well as some difficulties I encounter when listening to other people speak.

First of all, I will describe my speech.

I would define my voice quality as soft, quiet, but not too quiet, gentle and very young sounding for my age. I am often mistaken for a teenager or someone much younger than my age when I'm speaking on the phone. It's not squeaky or high pitched. It's merely young sounding.

I speak fairly slowly and deliberately and enunciate everything precisely. I don't drop endings on words.

I take a lot of time to deliberate over what I'm going to say before I speak and I frequently pause to think of what I'll say next. I do believe some people mistake this as insecure hesitation (which I can do in other circumstances but it's not the reason for my pauses), however it's more to do with making sure I express myself exactly the way I want to.

That's the way I speak in all circumstances except for when I am stressed or anxious or feel unsafe. Then I get this weird, embarassing quirk. I will stammer over words and jumble them up. It's not a mispronunciation. It's a complete unintelligible jumble. Once it starts (ie. once I do it for the first time in a situation), I will keep doing it more frequently until I get completely frustrated with myself and feel like a humiliated idiot who can't even speak properly.

This mostly happens when I feel stressed, but it can happen other times too

Has anyone else had this kind of experience?

The other thing has to do with listening to someone speak. I have trouble with some people's voices and speech.

One problem I have is with those who speak very fast, so that all the words run into each other and it's just one long sound to me. First of all the speed is too much (I want to tell them to SLOW DOWN) and secondly I can't distinguish each word they are saying because the sounds are all slurred together. It gets worse if the person mumbles or if they leave off sounds in words.

I end up having to ask people who speak like that to repeat themselves because I can't understand WTH they said. If I do this a few times it pisses them off.

Earlier someone in my family who speaks like this, said to me, "whatahorrilbwaitatleastoneofthdoctorsputthestaionononthehockeygamethetvinthewaitingroom"

I said, "Pardon me? All I got out of that was "doctor, tv and hockey""

I'm wondering if anyone else has problems with fast speakers?

Lastly, some people's voices irritate me so much I can't stand to be around them. I would guess that's not uncommon considering hyper sensitivity to sound.

Other people I know or have known - my family, what friends I have had, any other aquaintances or co-workers over the years do not seem to have this problem like I do.

I'm wondering if this is another Aspie thing.



druidsbird
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15 Apr 2010, 12:20 am

I stammer and jumble words too. I do it especially badly when I'm upset, but also frequently when I'm not upset. My understanding is that it is related to my AS.


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15 Apr 2010, 12:33 am

People say that i speak like a robot. I also have trouble understanding most speech.


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Upochapo
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15 Apr 2010, 4:49 am

This happens to me when I get really excited or agitated. I also have trouble understanding people sometimes too like you, so you are not alone in that department. I will sometimes have to have the person repeat what they said several times. But, the manner in which you reply and how you handle it can be overcome. Even the use of body language can help you big time.

I speak the same way you do. I'm very soft spoken, I think about what I would like to say and all that stuff. And, it has to be exactly what I wish to say.

Since this is what you do as well, you may be able to use some body language to help with this and look as though you are deep in thought as to what the person tried to convey to you. So, like the example of doctor, tv and hockey. You can give a quizzical look and try yourself to say back what you THINK may have been said. Of course, what you will probably say is something sooo far off the mark that they will more than likely be pulled back a little and they may slow it down naturally and you can throw in an apology or two because you spaced out or had a thought. This is what I do. This pulls your focus back and also pulls back the focus of the speaker to make sure it wasn't them that misspoke. There will be a temporary hiccup of a thought that the speaker will think that they may have actually said that. You can then break it down in to a few questions. Breaking down what someone says to you with questions should help slow it down for you.



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15 Apr 2010, 5:52 am

I occasionally jumble syllables, like just a couple of days ago when saying something to someone about needing to bleed some brake lines. It took three tries before I finally got "bl" and "br" in their right locations.

Then, and like in your example of the report about the doctor's waiting room, I do not do well at all in hearing things said by fast talkers unless I already know the context and my listening can "sync" from the very beginning.

As long as one's speech does not become robotic, it is a good thing to speak slowly and clearly so others can understand. Anyone who gets upset after being asked to repeat something needs some lessons in civility as well as communication.


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crocus
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15 Apr 2010, 2:18 pm

Upochapo wrote:
This happens to me when I get really excited or agitated. I also have trouble understanding people sometimes too like you, so you are not alone in that department. I will sometimes have to have the person repeat what they said several times. But, the manner in which you reply and how you handle it can be overcome. Even the use of body language can help you big time.

I speak the same way you do. I'm very soft spoken, I think about what I would like to say and all that stuff. And, it has to be exactly what I wish to say.

Since this is what you do as well, you may be able to use some body language to help with this and look as though you are deep in thought as to what the person tried to convey to you. So, like the example of doctor, tv and hockey. You can give a quizzical look and try yourself to say back what you THINK may have been said. Of course, what you will probably say is something sooo far off the mark that they will more than likely be pulled back a little and they may slow it down naturally and you can throw in an apology or two because you spaced out or had a thought. This is what I do. This pulls your focus back and also pulls back the focus of the speaker to make sure it wasn't them that misspoke. There will be a temporary hiccup of a thought that the speaker will think that they may have actually said that. You can then break it down in to a few questions. Breaking down what someone says to you with questions should help slow it down for you.


Yeah, there are certain people that I have to ask them several times to repeat what they said. What happens is that they don't change the way they said it, when I ask them to repeat themselves. They don't get that it's their manner of speaking that it makes it impossible for me to understand them. Thus, having them repeat it, usually doesn't help me much. What I end up doing is deciphering from each repitition, what I think they said. When I've asked people I know well to slow down or speak more clearly so that I can understand them, I get the look, like, "what's your problem?!" Or they get annoyed with me. Which, I hate obviously. So, although it would help me, I'm reluctant to do it.

I've done the quizzical look. It does nothing to help me. My experience is that if I give a quizzical or thoughtful look, it is assumed by the other person, that there's something wrong with my comprehension ability, not something wrong with their transmission of information.

As for other body language, I have to look into this more. I don't know how much it can help. I've studied it numerous times over the years - read books on it, watched many videos, took a course in communication. It just doesn't come naturally to me. I feel really awkward and contrived doing the movements that are recommended in body language courses.

Thanks for your response and advice.



Upochapo
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15 Apr 2010, 2:33 pm

Oh wow. I see now. But, as far as hating because they become annoyed with you then that is THEIR problem not yours and don't see why you should hate that. I mean if someone has a problem with repeating what they had to say then they should speak a little more clearly and slowly instead of being so lazy with their speech. That's how I look at it and will point it out. And, if it seems like they really are irritated or annoyed, I will just tell them, obviously, it isn't that important and just move on. Or, they can find someone else to talk to. Because, if someone is going to become annoyed or start to give the slightest attitude, I can and do walk away. I'm not rude about it but also if I can sense a bit of attitude I have a reflex action that will give it back to them and depending on the circumstance it will come back at them ten-fold. No skin off my nose. Or just give them the old standby of oh really? or if they are expecting your opinion or something...I just usually say it is what it is. because, most of the time people talk to talk and/or it's venting. In fact it's mostly just white noise like you hear on a radio station that doesn't have a signal. But, those are just my views.



Last edited by Upochapo on 15 Apr 2010, 2:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

crocus
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15 Apr 2010, 2:35 pm

leejosepho wrote:
I occasionally jumble syllables, like just a couple of days ago when saying something to someone about needing to bleed some brake lines. It took three tries before I finally got "bl" and "br" in their right locations.


I do that. It's like verbal dyslexia. I just looked it up and what I have is called verbal dyspraxia.

leejosepho wrote:
Then, and like in your example of the report about the doctor's waiting room, I do not do well at all in hearing things said by fast talkers unless I already know the context and my listening can "sync" from the very beginning.

As long as one's speech does not become robotic, it is a good thing to speak slowly and clearly so others can understand. Anyone who gets upset after being asked to repeat something needs some lessons in civility as well as communication.


Yes, context is really important in comprehension with fast speakers. If I know the context and I'm not sure of a word or words they used, then I scan my memory of words and fill in what's most appropriate by context and sound. Maybe that's part of the reason why I have an interest and fascination for vocabulary and knowing the precise meaning and pronunciation of words?

My speech has never been described as robotic. I am very deliberate though and if I'm trying to make a point and someone interrupts me and tells me to speed it up, forget it. I've just lost it. It drives me crazy when that happens. I don't get angry with them because that would be stupid, but I do get extremely flustered. I feel like I need to start at "point A" again with what I was saying.

I find that there is no shortage of people who could do with lessons in civility.

Thanks for your reply :)



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19 Apr 2010, 12:25 am

People tell me that I speak with a Cockney accent. On the other hand, everybody sounds American to me.


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Firefox_577
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21 Apr 2010, 9:44 am

I speak in a monotone.



Leander
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21 Apr 2010, 9:25 pm

crocus wrote:
That's the way I speak in all circumstances except for when I am stressed or anxious or feel unsafe. Then I get this weird, embarassing quirk. I will stammer over words and jumble them up. It's not a mispronunciation. It's a complete unintelligible jumble. Once it starts (ie. once I do it for the first time in a situation), I will keep doing it more frequently until I get completely frustrated with myself and feel like a humiliated idiot who can't even speak properly.

This I can definitely sympathise with. It's worst for me during group discussions at work, when occasionally someone will notice that I haven't said anything and single me out, asking for an opinion. What follows is a guaranteed avalanche of words stuttered too quickly, despite the mental script I usually have prepared. Maybe I unconsciously speed up out of a desire to finish and move the spotlight off me as quickly as possible, but the result is usually that I have to elaborate a lot more before all the quizzical stares go away.

I really wish I could slow down more and get into the habit of giving myself time to think and articulate. Even when relaxed I still don't quite speak as precisely as I'd like.

I can relate to the need to ask people to repeat things a lot too - I thought I'd read somewhere that some slowness in comprehending spoken words was an Aspergers trait. I know it's a problem with my perception, because whenever it happens in the company of others they often do the repeating for me, before the person I asked has the chance to respond. Seems like they have a much higher threshold for understanding fast or slurred speech than I do.



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21 Apr 2010, 9:37 pm

My voice is also soft and monotonous. I sort of sound like a woman, actually. I have been mistaken for a woman while talking to somebody on the phone. I don't know if my feminine-sounding voice is related to my Asperger's or to my being gay, but it is what it is.

I also tend to talk fast a lot; and I jumble over words frequently too. I thought I was the only one, though. :lol:



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21 Apr 2010, 11:32 pm

I could have written the same post Crocus. It's frusterating for sure. I'm always like "HUH?" I just say I can't hear well. Then they're thrown when I hear them wispering about me in the next room. :lol:



crocus
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22 Apr 2010, 12:20 am

Leander wrote:
crocus wrote:
That's the way I speak in all circumstances except for when I am stressed or anxious or feel unsafe. Then I get this weird, embarassing quirk. I will stammer over words and jumble them up. It's not a mispronunciation. It's a complete unintelligible jumble. Once it starts (ie. once I do it for the first time in a situation), I will keep doing it more frequently until I get completely frustrated with myself and feel like a humiliated idiot who can't even speak properly.

This I can definitely sympathise with. It's worst for me during group discussions at work, when occasionally someone will notice that I haven't said anything and single me out, asking for an opinion. What follows is a guaranteed avalanche of words stuttered too quickly, despite the mental script I usually have prepared. Maybe I unconsciously speed up out of a desire to finish and move the spotlight off me as quickly as possible, but the result is usually that I have to elaborate a lot more before all the quizzical stares go away.

I really wish I could slow down more and get into the habit of giving myself time to think and articulate. Even when relaxed I still don't quite speak as precisely as I'd like.


The scenario you just described, is one of my worst for guaranteed verbal "screw up" on my part. See, the thing with me is that I have to have a lead up/warning to when I'm going to speak, to be prepared and think about what I want to say. It's one thing, if I decide I have something to say and then talk when I feel comfortable, the time is right and I have my thoughts and words ready. But, If someone springs that on me! OMG. Everything I was thinking about suddenly gets scrambled. I'm anxious. I feel like I can't think straight. I try to take a moment to collect my thoughts, but I feel all eyes on me and that makes it worse. I don't usually start out talking quickly, as you do. Conversely, I speak slowly and deliberately. But then usually as I'm speaking, I start to feel really uncomfortable because I didn't have my thoughts verbally figured out beforehand and that's when I start to jumble things up and sometimes stumble over words, totally forget words and ramble.

On the other hand, if I am prepared, I have been told that I am highly articulate and can sythesize and explain things in such a way that people can understand concepts that they never could before. Go figure.


Leander wrote:
I can relate to the need to ask people to repeat things a lot too - I thought I'd read somewhere that some slowness in comprehending spoken words was an Aspergers trait. I know it's a problem with my perception, because whenever it happens in the company of others they often do the repeating for me, before the person I asked has the chance to respond. Seems like they have a much higher threshold for understanding fast or slurred speech than I do.


Yeah, I think that's correct.



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22 Apr 2010, 4:27 pm

When I get excited about something, I start talking very quickly and jerkily, like the words are coming out in spurts, and sometimes I mix up syllables in words and have to go back and correct myself. When I'm happy about some idea, it comes off as enthusiastic and engaging. When I'm nervous or angry, I've been told it's offputting.



crocus
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22 Apr 2010, 4:45 pm

Mosaicofminds wrote:
When I get excited about something, I start talking very quickly and jerkily, like the words are coming out in spurts, and sometimes I mix up syllables in words and have to go back and correct myself. When I'm happy about some idea, it comes off as enthusiastic and engaging. When I'm nervous or angry, I've been told it's offputting.


Exact same for me. When I'm really nervous or angry, I'm completely useless even trying to express myself verbally. I figure it's pointless me even trying, I may as well be speaking swahili.

In close relationships when I get really upset by something. and the other person wants to talk about it and I just can't is the worst. No one understands this. It's like the connection from my brain to my mouth has a system failure :x I haven't met a single person in my life who understands this. I've also been told it's off-putting.

What's off-putting to me, is being pushed to talk when I can't. It's like, "Get a clue and back off".