Getting worse as I'm getting older

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I'm about to turn 19 next month. I've noticed that the older I get the worse my AS seems to become. I've noticed that I very easily get sensory over loads and am more panicy around people. When i was really young I never had issues with being around people I didn't know and now it seems that if I get seperated from people I know, in say a store, I tend to get very upset. I've also started picking up on the actions I do when I get upset. It seems ive been having meltdowns more often and I'm doing different things to calm myself down (some of which are self harming and I am trying to stop them) Does anyone else notice that they are getting worse with age and if so what can i do to help myself?

we become more aware of how we actually are when we mature. Sometimes this seems like we are 'getting worse' but actually we are only becoming more aware.

that has been my experience, anyway, your mileage may vary.

Merle

I think the signs vary considerably, both by situation & over time (long-term). Much like how day-to-day weather varies but one must consider too the climate.

I've definitely had periods when it's worse, nearly to intolerable levels, and I can become entirely mute. For one ex: When I was 9 I quit talking for months (I saw something one should never see). But then it does get better - flux. Then, on the opposite side, I LOVE being Autistic when my thinking flows and I'm really productive; my senses are on as well.

Samara1991, this factoid may be of relevant interest: The philospher Kant is accepted as an AS individual (post humously) and evidenced in his prolific writings. Anyway, he quit speaking for 11 years! But during this time his philosophy flourished.

Maybe when your situation changes, and it will, then you'll notice less "worse" characteristics. I cannot know, of course, but when one is 19 that usually means leaving home, finding college/university - many changes. That's a precipitating factor. sinsboldy gave good insight too - enhanced introspection and just being more aware of that constrast.

Agree, I think we become more aware, and for me it also becomes less acceptable - I really regret my temper outbursts after the fact, versus when I was young, I really had little regret.

Yes, in that, IMO, most Aspies are genuinely very kind/well-mannered & gentle. In reality, I don't do anything "wrong" & I'm fortunate in that I don't have those behavioral problems much. But, about what you wrote, once in high school, I bit my teacher's arm bloody. I felt badly but, if the situation were repeated, I'd likely do it again. I did like her BUT what she did accidentally (which I took seriously at the time): She was "play-teasing" with me (not in a mean way) and she extended her arm as if she was to hit me. That I bit her was not impulsive but reasoned; self-defense on my part. I can be somewhat like an animal in this way. Of course, I know now to never bite!

To confess, I did this fairly recently & very sorry. At University another grad student whom I now like very much, picked up my small stuffed animal I had on the desk (I was a TA at that time, office hours). Almost instinctively, I said "NO. Mine" and started to cry hard. I guess this was really immature, but I just did not know. I thought she'd tease me or be upset - she was not at all. In fact, quite the opposite. Maybe that's why I do like her. But in general I don't do that sort of thing, obviously.

About OP, clearly Samara1991 has not done anything "wrong" but now feels the effects more strongly, in all respects. Samara1991, you asked if it gets better, or how to make it better. I don't know, but I imagine it will get better - maybe one of those situational "humps?" Or like cmate wrote, somewhat like growing pains (apologies if I mis-quoted in paraphrase, cmate, but I do know what you mean).

When my senses HURT, then everything else is harder as a consequence.

Just have to add (apologies for the double post) - I do wish NTs could know how hard we do try. And be more understanding.

As I understand, Aspies do have a maturational lag (I know I do) and never really catch-up. But this is precisely what I like about Aspies. My always child-like curiosity is a boon to my science. Unfortunately, many "adult" NTs lack this very quality.

I haven't seen a regression in myself as I've gotten older. However, I have become much more aware of my anxiety. From your description it sounds like you are having more issues with anxiety, not just AS issues (like socializing, etc). Do you see a psychologist or psychiatrist? Maybe taking an anti-anxiety medication would be helpful to you. I always was really against taking them, but now that I've tried them I do have to admit I find it helpful in some anxiety relief. Temple Grandin mentions anti-anxiety meds in some of her books as well. I take a low dose of Prozac.

I hope you're able to resolve your problems without medication, that was just the first thing that came to my mind upon reading your post.

I couldn't agree more with LabPet and sinsboldly.

It is nice when like minds coincide

Merle

Thanks for your input. It probably does have to do with more anixiety and me just consiously picking up on things.

^ I've considered your post - good question, & so relevant.

I am VERY conscientious (& critical of myself). Maybe that's a big part of why what you have described can be so difficult. When I make a "mistake," or even perceived mistake, I feel positively sick. Being a perfectionist, coupled with AS, is tough & quite a common combination as well.

I have noticed NTs can be far more easy-going - maybe they're onto something? I hope all becomes smoother (& it will), Samara1991

I've had EXACTLY the same thing. My sensory overloads are more often so I carry earplugs with me all the time now. I get scared in crowds even when walking between classes which I did not last year. As a little kid I didn't have sensory problems, I even loved chalk. Now when I hear a chalky sound or feel chalk it's as though I'm tasting it, I can literally taste the chalk in my mouth. I don't know why but it has been getting worse and I think it will continue to do so sadly.

Sounds like my experience. However, I think I'm actually getting better. You see, in my case, I recently realized that when I was young, I as so 'bad' that I honestly didn't notice. I'm getting 'better' in a way, since I'm far more aware of how I appear to others.

I feel the same, but I've realised that I'm probably just becoming more aware of my actions, and understanding them. I've also gone through my earliest memories to see if I can find any early AS traits, I found a few.

Check the timestamps CozPoz, you're bumping up old threads.

I've always got better with age, as I understand more about what is or isn't "normal" in the eyes of NTs.

I felt like my symptoms got much worse around 16. I'm now 19 and it doesn't seem to show any signs of improving. I used to be able to hide being shy and awkward very well, its almost non-existant anymore.

Asperger's is a chronic problem, just like asthma or diabetes. Symptoms really can vary day to day. Some days, its not a problem. Other days, I am thinking 'f**k the world' because I get so frustrated by other people and their BS!

Symptoms can change overtime, but at some point you wonder if its Asperger's, or something else. Anxiety, depression, medication, stress... can really add to the symptoms and severity. For me, several traumatic events led to what I feel as the worsening of my symptoms. Or it can be a mood thing. It can have many factors.