why women to date jerks, but chase after them also?

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Sound
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26 Apr 2010, 1:06 am

sinsboldly wrote:
it is like computer gaming for women. Really.

At first I didn't get what you meant, but then as it dawned on me....
That's brilliant. Guys get exactly the same about video games. It's why we b***h about games that are broken, and don't stop playing them.
Weird.



ToadOfSteel
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26 Apr 2010, 1:44 am

HopeGrows wrote:
When you have a relatively healthy relationship to observe as a child (both partners treat each other with respect, very limited drama, love and affection is demonstrated, actions have appropriate and predictable consequences, reasonable conflict resolution, etc.), you'll seek out a partner who can relate to you in much the same way.


I'm not so sure that a healthy family relationship guarantees anything. This is the kind of relationship my parents had, both with each other and myself, yet I still turned out broken.

That said, if I was raised by an abusive parent, I would have most definitely turned out a sociopath...



lotusblossom
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26 Apr 2010, 2:32 am

sinsboldly wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
sinsboldly wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
I thought people didn't like drama.

This is very interesting.


goodness! Theater is nothing but drama, TV is nothing but drama, songs are dramatic, romance is drama, read a book, the drama is caring about the characters and then the conflict comes and how they work and deal with and then the resolution and denouement . . .

how can you even think that people don't like drama? :roll:


Merle


He means in a relationship. People don't like drama queens and problems and hissy fits, and I think he's right.


now I think you are kidding, too, H_B!

Sorry, but I think you guys are missing the boat on why Jerks get chased by 'nice' girls. It is because they are bored by 'nice' boys and are searching for the drama that starts the juices flowing. Yeah, they think they can 'change him', and yeah, they think that somehow they (the girl) is the 'special one' that can make it happen, but even if this was done and somehow they could change him, they would go back to being bored again and out again for the challenge for the next jerk. You might even say it is a sort of 'fetish' to the girl, because that is what turns them on like nothing the 'nice' boy can do.

lots of research in discourse analysis supports what sinsbodly is saying, they think all the folk tales such as beauty and the beast, and romantic storys such as mills and boon and tv such as 'angel' all encourage this attitude of 'being the special one to change the bad guy'.



hale_bopp
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26 Apr 2010, 3:24 am

Its less of the parents relationships, more of the childs upbringing tbh.



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26 Apr 2010, 5:43 am

HopeGrows wrote:
People tend to choose mates who mirror the manner in which their parents treated them, and/or the dynamics of their parents' relationship.


You beat me to it, it's along the lines of what I was going to post.



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26 Apr 2010, 1:46 pm

League_Girl wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
They think they can change them.


What do they do when they realize that they won't change?



I dumped them.


What I don't understand is when this kind of thing happens, and ESPECIALLY with NT women, they get sick of us men because they can't mold us and shape us into EXACTLY the kind of pet that they want.

HOWEVER...

If such a woman actually SUCCEEDS, she gets sick of the man because "he's not the man I fell in love with."

What the FREEK is up with that?!?!?!
:roll:



League_Girl
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26 Apr 2010, 2:19 pm

My ex's were jerks. Pure and simple to understand. You can't change someone if they don't want to change so it's best to move on. They will change if they wanted to such as if they didn't want to lose their partner, they would change. What's ironic is, I told my first ex I was thinking about breaking up with him and he took it well and was like "if we break up, we break up" and one day I dumped him and he fell into deep depression. :roll:

I did tell him why I was thinking about breaking up with him and he took it so well. Then he claimed I gave up on him after I dumped him. Hello he didn't want to change so why was he saying I gave up on him? :roll:



machf
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26 Apr 2010, 5:44 pm

Wrackspurt wrote:
HopeGrows wrote:
People tend to choose mates who mirror the manner in which their parents treated them, and/or the dynamics of their parents' relationship.


You beat me to it, it's along the lines of what I was going to post.

I definitely have no intention of such a thing whatsoever.
Oh, well, "tend to" isn's synonym with "always will". No problem, then.



antique_toy
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26 Apr 2010, 6:26 pm

this pretty much sums up why i chase after as*hole guys. i'm sure it's why a lot of girls do. another reason why is probably because some women have low self-esteem and think if a nice guy likes her, it "doesn't matter" because something "has to be wrong with him" if he's into her and therefore he "doesn't count".



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26 Apr 2010, 7:03 pm

AngelRho wrote:
What I don't understand is when this kind of thing happens, and ESPECIALLY with NT women, they get sick of us men because they can't mold us and shape us into EXACTLY the kind of pet that they want.

HOWEVER...

If such a woman actually SUCCEEDS, she gets sick of the man because "he's not the man I fell in love with."

What the FREEK is up with that?!?!?!
:roll:


Oh poor little men. Funny thing is I have had exactly the same done to me by men, so It's not exactly a women's trait to try and change their partner.



machf
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26 Apr 2010, 7:04 pm

antique_toy wrote:
this pretty much sums up why i chase after as*hole guys. i'm sure it's why a lot of girls do. another reason why is probably because some women have low self-esteem and think if a nice guy likes her, it "doesn't matter" because something "has to be wrong with him" if he's into her and therefore he "doesn't count".

It works the other way around too. "She must be some crazy b*tch if she's after me, better to keep my distance or she may end up physically hurting me"...



dtoxic
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26 Apr 2010, 11:41 pm

Women are messed up in the head.
Men are too but at least our dysfunction is more predictable.



Tias
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27 Apr 2010, 2:51 am

Well people often DO desire for the things they cant get.
Plus when you are younger it's all about getting accepted by your peers or you would get bullied.

So sounds logical enough actually.



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27 Apr 2010, 9:15 am

Perhaps it comes down to the biological ideal that women are the choosers due to the amount of investment in offspring and chasing after the jerks at least allows for an assessment of the worth of their inherent biological value.

What I mean is that dating a "nice guy" gives no indicator of serious evaluation of the value of the female in the relationship... Due to eagerness (desperation some would say)... but just kind of automatic approval from the nice guy for the girl. This could lead to a false positive assessment of the female's worth... Whereas chasing after the "jerk" gives an active process of evaluating the female's status. It's kind of like what H_B was sayin in her post.... They want that approval from the jerk cause it's perhaps not given so freely. I'm just tryin to explain why that might be.

idk.


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27 Apr 2010, 10:22 am

Sedaka wrote:
Perhaps it comes down to the biological ideal that women are the choosers due to the amount of investment in offspring and chasing after the jerks at least allows for an assessment of the worth of their inherent biological value.

What I mean is that dating a "nice guy" gives no indicator of serious evaluation of the value of the female in the relationship... Due to eagerness (desperation some would say)... but just kind of automatic approval from the nice guy for the girl. This could lead to a false positive assessment of the female's worth... Whereas chasing after the "jerk" gives an active process of evaluating the female's status. It's kind of like what H_B was sayin in her post.... They want that approval from the jerk cause it's perhaps not given so freely. I'm just tryin to explain why that might be.

idk.


If that really is the case with women, or something along those lines, then:
1. What a load of crap.
2. I seriously overestimated the females then.

But luckely this isn't how every female is.



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27 Apr 2010, 11:15 am

I always thought it was an insecurity issue.


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