Why is being "clingy" seen as bad?

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Felgen
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10 May 2010, 3:52 pm

I think clingy people are annoying.



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10 May 2010, 3:54 pm

Constantly calling, texting. Jealousy. It's hard to describe but you'll know it when you're experiencing it. It sounds much more desirable than it actually is.

"Hey where are you going" "How long will you be gone" "Will there be any women there""What's up?" "Why didn't you call me when you got back" "Why won't you let me in" "I just want to talk" "We'd have such cute babies" "Why are you ignoring me" "Why can't we just stay in together"



hale_bopp
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10 May 2010, 4:26 pm

Asp-Z wrote:
The way I see it, being "clingy" just shows that you care about your partner and want to talk to them a lot... I don't see why so many people see it as such a bad thing. :?

Anyone care to shine some light on this mystery? :P


From a female perspective, it's seen as submissive to follow along your partner and get all emo and wont let go of them like a small child, and women usually don't find that sort of thing attractive.

From a general perspective, its suffocating. Its bad enough to have to deal with yourself sometimes and your life without being pressured to talk to or be with other people.

Often it really depends on the person. I am very independent, and absolutely cannot stand clingy people. Its nice sometimes if you're really into the person but not all the time. Some women who need people around all the time would like a clingy partner.

Toad, your clinginess comes from the fact if you get someone you will seem to hold onto them with dear life because of fear of losing them. If you can get past that I'm sure you wont be seen as clingy.



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10 May 2010, 4:45 pm

Being clingy is bad because it's pathetic. What's good about insecurity, low self esteem, being so emotionally unstable that you put someone on a pedestal, submissiveness to the point of being a pushover, and a lack of self-sufficiency?



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10 May 2010, 4:52 pm

Strange. I have been told by one person I was
clingy and by another I was distant.

I don't date anymore.

Stingle and staying that way


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10 May 2010, 7:07 pm

I liked the mildly clingy tendencies of my last partner. I say mild, because I didn't see any of the negative sides to it that some people are describing, like being overly dependent or obsessive. She was just very openly affectionate in an innocent way, which was good for me because back then it was a long time before I could believe that I was genuinely loved. It helped me shed off some of my silly angsty delusions about not deserving her.

Provided there weren't unhealthy motivations behind it, I'd much rather have a clingy partner than one who withheld affection to avoid seeming dependent or submissive or something.



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10 May 2010, 7:19 pm

My ex was clingy. He acted like he wanted me around 24/7 and I need some time alone. He also wouldn't like it if I went to bed when he wanted to stay up. He expected me to stay up with him but he said I was self centered when I be tired and wanted to go to bed. He claimed he didn't want to be a control freak but I felt he was trying to control me with emotions and feelings, giving me the guilt trip by trying to make me fee bad. Everyone else says he was controlling.

When I first met my husband, he wouldn't stop hugging me and touching me and it was annoying. I described him as being over affectionate but I got told lot of men are that way.



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10 May 2010, 7:52 pm

I usually do not have a problem with clingy people. I may be a borderline codependent because I can be very clingy in a relationship. I do understand why it can annoy some people but I do not see it s a problem myself. I also like codependent woman :wink: because I generally feel better when I'm helping people. I only have two friends offline & one of em is really needy & stuff at times but it really doesn't bother me. Also a majority of my friends online run to me for advice about stuff & I honestly like helping em out. Does anybody have any tips on how to find a woman who's clingy :roll:


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10 May 2010, 7:58 pm

I need a woman to be 'clingy' enough to come back next time. I enjoy my alone time, and do not like short or pointless phone calls/texts, and small talk can wait until we have something to talk about. But once/twice a week I do not mind the company of a significant other. I don't get why people (women in particular) get upset when I tell them "Seeing you once a week is enough for me".



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10 May 2010, 8:27 pm

Clingy people can be great for each other. Can be.. not always are.

Clingy people are horrible for someone who is independent. I was with someone once who would grab me around the waist and try and prevent me from leaving, say "I don't want you to go" all the time, and kept touching me, and when I would pick up his hands and throw them off me, he would keep doing it, over and over again.



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10 May 2010, 8:40 pm

I agree that clingy people can be great for each other but I find some(NOT all) women are hypocritical about it. I have some women friends online who are constantly running to me to complain about how their guys do not show em affection, their guys do not text back rite away ect ect yet those same women have no interest in me & are chasing guys who are the opposite of em. I don't get it :? I feel a lot of women do not give me a chance partly because I'm kind of dependent & stuff. I've also been told by docs/counselors/psychs that I need to be strong & independent to be in a relationship because clingy/needy/dependence is bad. I do NOT agree with them. I'm happier when I feel people relate, understand & accept me & make me feel useful. It also motivates me to improve myself as well. I knew a girl online years ago who was kind of needy/dependent. She kept having problems & would run to me after & sometimes she would call me up when I was ready to go to bed & I would spend the next 12hours online chatting & talking over the phone with her because she was upset about something. I honestly liked being their for her & I was dependent on her as well. Things fell apart thou cuz she started turning to drugs & alcohol instead of me :cry:


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10 May 2010, 9:25 pm

nick007 wrote:
I agree that clingy people can be great for each other but I find some(NOT all) women are hypocritical about it. I have some women friends online who are constantly running to me to complain about how their guys do not show em affection, their guys do not text back rite away ect ect yet those same women have no interest in me & are chasing guys who are the opposite of em. I don't get it :? I feel a lot of women do not give me a chance partly because I'm kind of dependent & stuff.

I knew a girl online years ago who was kind of needy/dependent. She kept having problems & would run to me after & sometimes she would call me up when I was ready to go to bed & I would spend the next 12hours online chatting & talking over the phone with her because she was upset about something. I honestly liked being their for her& I was kind of dependent on her as well. Things feel apart thou cuz she started turning to drugs/alcohol instead of me :cry:


How does it make them a hypocrite that they aren't romantically interested in you? Its the same as someone saying "I like girls with brown hair" then turning down a girl with brown hair because he isn't attracted to her.

Sadly Women run to guys in the friend zone with their problems most of the time, its a sure way to know you're friend zoned.



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10 May 2010, 9:31 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
nick007 wrote:
I agree that clingy people can be great for each other but I find some(NOT all) women are hypocritical about it. I have some women friends online who are constantly running to me to complain about how their guys do not show em affection, their guys do not text back rite away ect ect yet those same women have no interest in me & are chasing guys who are the opposite of em. I don't get it :? I feel a lot of women do not give me a chance partly because I'm kind of dependent & stuff.

I knew a girl online years ago who was kind of needy/dependent. She kept having problems & would run to me after & sometimes she would call me up when I was ready to go to bed & I would spend the next 12hours online chatting & talking over the phone with her because she was upset about something. I honestly liked being their for her& I was kind of dependent on her as well. Things feel apart thou cuz she started turning to drugs/alcohol instead of me :cry:


How does it make them a hypocrite that they aren't romantically interested in you? Its the same as someone saying "I like girls with brown hair" then turning down a girl with brown hair because he isn't attracted to her.

Sadly Women run to guys in the friend zone with their problems most of the time, its a sure way to know you're friend zoned.


They keep saying how they wish the guys they wer with wer like me & a couple women have actually told me how women are NOT attracted to guys who are needy even thou those same women are needy. I get a headache from trying to understand this :x I've heard very similar complaints form other guys who do not have anything on the autism spectrum. I truly believe that my partner should be my best friend


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10 May 2010, 9:41 pm

nick007 wrote:
1. They keep saying how they wish the guys they wer with wer like me &
2. a couple women have actually told me how women are NOT attracted to guys who are needy even thou those same women are needy.


1. Yeah well I guess thats being a hypocrite. 2. Its not hypocritical not to be attracted to someone like yourself though.

Quote:
I get a headache from trying to understand this :x I've heard very similar complaints form other guys who do not have anything on the autism spectrum. I truly believe that my partner should be my best friend


I think what they mean is that they wish their current partner had your attributes, they may not like you specifically in that way. Yeah I think partners should be good friends too, but "Friend zoned" is just a term used for specific friends that a woman doesn't want to date.

A lot of guys who get friend zoned get along better with women than men, and women almost see them as "one of the girls... someone I can cry to when I have a problem etc"



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10 May 2010, 9:46 pm

Leander wrote:
I liked the mildly clingy tendencies of my last partner. I say mild, because I didn't see any of the negative sides to it that some people are describing, like being overly dependent or obsessive. She was just very openly affectionate in an innocent way, which was good for me because back then it was a long time before I could believe that I was genuinely loved. It helped me shed off some of my silly angsty delusions about not deserving her.

Provided there weren't unhealthy motivations behind it, I'd much rather have a clingy partner than one who withheld affection to avoid seeming dependent or submissive or something.


I think this is what most people that say they like clingy actually think about. I probably wouldn't enjoy someone who tried to take control of my life either, but someone that was just always there as much as she could and was overly affectionate would be really nice. It might even make me feel like less of an unlovable loser...



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10 May 2010, 10:00 pm

Someone saying you're clingy can also vary on how much they are attracted to you.

I usually don't like clingy but the last guy I was with I was so into and I loved pelting him with kisses and cuddles and stuff, he thought I was clingy, other people i've been with I wouldn't care if I didn't see them for two weeks.