Why is being "clingy" seen as bad?

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hale_bopp
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10 May 2010, 10:00 pm

Someone saying you're clingy can also vary on how much they are attracted to you.

I usually don't like clingy but the last guy I was with I was so into and I loved pelting him with kisses and cuddles and stuff, he thought I was clingy, other people i've been with I wouldn't care if I didn't see them for two weeks.



MrDiamondMind
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10 May 2010, 10:33 pm

I've had friends that were very clingy, and I did find it to be annoying. But I think that if an attractive girl clung to me I would really like it. Moderate-to-high clinginess would probably be my preferred level of clinginess when regarding romanticism.



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10 May 2010, 11:09 pm

I dont like obsessive and dependant, but i do like affectionate, caring, and understanding, someone who wantts to spend time with me and get to know me. i also like massages... :)


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11 May 2010, 2:31 am

It's been a while since I've posted GOF's law.

If we're not talking about the type of clingy where your SO follows you into the bathroom because they can't go that long without you, then GOF's law is a possible explanation.

GOF's Law = Other people will subconciously be inclined to do what you don't want them to do.

Therefore, if you want to be around someone else, subconsciously they will not want to be around you. Why? Because it would be an insult to the jackass to refer to a human as a jackass. :dj:


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ZEGH8578
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11 May 2010, 2:39 am

clingyness has many instinctive implications:

1. it implies that you are desperate for this person
2. implies that if you lost the person, you could not find another one
3. further implies that theres something wrong with you

clingyness=something wrong with you.

just like any other signs of "desperation"


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Xinro
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11 May 2010, 5:07 pm

I view it as being childish, unable to entertain yourself, and suspicious. If you need to constantly be talking to me, I don't think of you as mature. Clingyness is more suited for a five year old than an 18 year old. It's suspicious in that if they're constantly checking on me, they must think I'm going to cheat on them or something silly like that.

I also prize my independence and like being alone for long periods of time. If someone is constantly talking to me, asking me questions, or just making smalltalk (the annoying thing that is), I get really irritated and wonder what's wrong with them, why they need to talk when there's obviously nothing to say. I'm comfortable with long periods of silence in conversation, can sit on voicechat for an hour with barely a few sentences exchanged.



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11 May 2010, 8:23 pm

I think that "clingy" is seen as bad because Cling-ons might have some sort of mental disorder to where they have no sense of self or self-respect and depend on a person too much and think that this is love when it's just severe dependency...like a little kid with its mom.
Maybe Cling-ons are seen as insecure and not admirably strong. How can you tell if a Cling-on loves the real you or the illusion of what you represent to them? I've had clingy friends but never a clingy lover. I'd love a clingy lover...oooo...especially if they're big and muscular.
A big clingy Sasquach...that WANTS me...a dream come true. YOWZA!! !! !



astaut
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11 May 2010, 9:56 pm

Like some other said, it depends on what you mean by clingy. Often a 'clingy' person will be fine with a clingy partner. I am the kind of person who needs alone time and haven't had success with clingy partners.

I had one boyfriend who wanted to talk on the phone all day. Almost non-stop. He didn't even get off the phone to use the bathroom. I don't know about everyone else, but I just don't want to talk non-stop all day long...and I don't want my whole day every day to consist of talking on the phone. I had another who texted me all day while he worked (I have the same feelings about texting as talking on the phone all day), then wanted to hang out each night after work. We only went out for a month, but we spent every one of those days together. He asked me over or came over and had no plan for what we were going to do for the night (guys, you should a plan before setting up a date).

Being together 24/7 is ok for some couples, but most people need their alone time. Most of the people I know will do what their partners want and not say anything about their clinginess and often it hurts the relationship. (I did the same in a couple of my relationships a few years ago, but I try not to anymore.)



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12 May 2010, 1:47 am

A lot of these things don't seem like major problems to me. I find childishness kinda funny & cute sometimes. I have some physical disabilities in addition to the probable AS so it's highly likely that I'm going to be kinda dependent for the rest of my life so a dependent woman mite be more sympathetic of my situation. As for as being obsessed goes; I have obsessive interest so if my partner is obsessed with me; I mite could include her instead of pursuing my interest alone. Controlling mite could be a problem for me but that can be dealt with. Communication & being willing to compromise could help. People with these kinds of problems are usually insecure & maybe been true lots of heavy stuff. I've been true some stuff as well(thou lots of people here probably been true much worse) & having someone you can turn to who cares & tries to understand can be a big help. Maybe we could help each other to become more independent & we could both be stronger people. I'm not sure if I can explain this the rite way but I do think clingy people are kind of self-centered but I also think that crossing someone off your list because they are clingy is an act of selfishness as well. I guess what I'm saying is that needy/clingy/dependent people & independent people can both be looked at as having issues in a way...or something like that :? I'm not specifically looking for someone who's clingy but I'm not going to exclude em. I want to find somone who can accept me the way I am


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astaut
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12 May 2010, 10:14 am

^This is just my opinion, but a dependent girl is with you because she needs to be and for her own benefit; an independent girl is with you because she actually wants to be and may care more for you.

I know this girl who is probably the most codependent person I've ever known. She would date someone and stay with them just for the sake of it, even if she didn't like them anymore. She would stay with one person then cheat until the cheating relationship was established, then dump the first guy. It's one of the weirdest things I've ever seen. I've known some other codependent girls (and guys), and they have all had fairly unhealthy relationships, IMO.



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12 May 2010, 11:12 am

astaut wrote:
^This is just my opinion, but a dependent girl is with you because she needs to be and for her own benefit; an independent girl is with you because she actually wants to be and may care more for you.


That's making one mistaken assumption: that there's a woman out there that would actually want to be with me...

So unfortunately,it's down to finding a woman who is slightly clingy. Emphasis on the "slightly" though... I've met people (men and women) that will follow their partners around all the time and call or text them at all hours of the night, and all these other horror stories that have been discussed on this thread. But a woman who needed the relationship, but was comfortable enough to not need to be engrossed in it 24/7... that would be my ticket out of lonerville right there.



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12 May 2010, 12:20 pm

From a guys perspective in terms of relationships its a bit of a catch 22. Show too much affection and your accused of being 'clingy' and 'needy', don't show enough and you are accused of 'not caring' and not 'giving enough support' it's very difficult to get balance right, especially if your Gf isn't 100% sure of what she wants and keeps contradicting herself on a regular basis.

Clingyness doesn't just apply to relationships though, infact I think it's more of a problem with a fair few friendships. I'll give one example of a female friend I've been working on uni projects with and she always asks for reassurances and my opinions on every little thing and I don't just mean the important parts of the work I mean EVERY little thing.


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12 May 2010, 8:56 pm

astaut wrote:
^This is just my opinion, but a dependent girl is with you because she needs to be and for her own benefit; an independent girl is with you because she actually wants to be and may care more for you.


That is a very good point but I also think it is possible that a dependent girl could start to like & generally care for the guy after a while if the guy could make her feel special & loved. Codependents sometimes have a history of being used/abused by their partners. It's a very viscous cycle so perhaps breaking from that cycle & being with someone who who helps em instead could be a major help.
I noticed that with my clingy friend. He has a history of going for women who are using/abusing him but a few years ago when he was with someone who really cared; he was a much better person & he was much less clingy/dependent


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12 May 2010, 9:54 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
astaut wrote:
^This is just my opinion, but a dependent girl is with you because she needs to be and for her own benefit; an independent girl is with you because she actually wants to be and may care more for you.


That's making one mistaken assumption: that there's a woman out there that would actually want to be with me...

So unfortunately,it's down to finding a woman who is slightly clingy. Emphasis on the "slightly" though... I've met people (men and women) that will follow their partners around all the time and call or text them at all hours of the night, and all these other horror stories that have been discussed on this thread. But a woman who needed the relationship, but was comfortable enough to not need to be engrossed in it 24/7... that would be my ticket out of lonerville right there.


So you're content to be with someone who doesnt actually like you but because they can't find anyone better, and they HAVE to have a partner.

Thats really sad, and im not being sarcastic. No-one should settle for that... Are there any self esteem workshops in your area that might help?



nick007
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12 May 2010, 10:53 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
astaut wrote:
^This is just my opinion, but a dependent girl is with you because she needs to be and for her own benefit; an independent girl is with you because she actually wants to be and may care more for you.


That's making one mistaken assumption: that there's a woman out there that would actually want to be with me...

So unfortunately,it's down to finding a woman who is slightly clingy. Emphasis on the "slightly" though... I've met people (men and women) that will follow their partners around all the time and call or text them at all hours of the night, and all these other horror stories that have been discussed on this thread. But a woman who needed the relationship, but was comfortable enough to not need to be engrossed in it 24/7... that would be my ticket out of lonerville right there.


So you're content to be with someone who doesnt actually like you but because they can't find anyone better, and they HAVE to have a partner.

Thats really sad, and im not being sarcastic. No-one should settle for that... Are there any self esteem workshops in your area that might help?


I think you misunderstood what I was trying to say; I probably didn't explain it rite. I'd be willing to give someone a chance because she mite could fall in love with me in time. I start to like most women who are nice to me after a while so it seems likely that someone would start liking me if she was willing to give me a chance. I do not see it as settling; I think of it as finding someone who could love me.

I don't know of any self-esteem workshops or any kind of support groups in my area


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hale_bopp
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12 May 2010, 11:51 pm

nick007 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
astaut wrote:
^This is just my opinion, but a dependent girl is with you because she needs to be and for her own benefit; an independent girl is with you because she actually wants to be and may care more for you.


That's making one mistaken assumption: that there's a woman out there that would actually want to be with me...

So unfortunately,it's down to finding a woman who is slightly clingy. Emphasis on the "slightly" though... I've met people (men and women) that will follow their partners around all the time and call or text them at all hours of the night, and all these other horror stories that have been discussed on this thread. But a woman who needed the relationship, but was comfortable enough to not need to be engrossed in it 24/7... that would be my ticket out of lonerville right there.


So you're content to be with someone who doesnt actually like you but because they can't find anyone better, and they HAVE to have a partner.

Thats really sad, and im not being sarcastic. No-one should settle for that... Are there any self esteem workshops in your area that might help?


I think you misunderstood what I was trying to say; I probably didn't explain it rite. I'd be willing to give someone a chance because she mite could fall in love with me in time. I start to like most women who are nice to me after a while so it seems likely that someone would start liking me if she was willing to give me a chance. I do not see it as settling; I think of it as finding someone who could love me.

I don't know of any self-esteem workshops or any kind of support groups in my area


I was replying to Toad