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zeldapsychology
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15 May 2010, 8:26 pm

Looking to look into one when/IF I return back to College but was curious how others on the spectrum fared with that situation. Like I've mention to a cousin I want someone school focused (with mild basic hang out potential movie,eat out etc.) NOT drinking/partying wild behavior. My cousin said befriend a nerd LOL! and of course someone who is study focused like myself. I was just curious about others experience with it thanks!



Athenacapella
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15 May 2010, 8:29 pm

I don't think I'm the right person to be posting right now. My current roommate is going to kick me out because I told her to "please stop texting me at work." Psycho.

Be careful. I have had other roommates where it worked out OK, but obviously the person I'm living with now is NOT tolerant of someone different than she is.

You have to be very willing to compromise and be respectful of other people.



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15 May 2010, 8:35 pm

I'm a solitary person. I like to spend time in my room doing my own thing. I will talk, I will cook for the other person on occasion. I even watched a movie with my first roommate once but since I spent a lot of time in my room he thought I was antisocial and eventually told me it made him uncomfortable.

My second roommate didn't mind that I spent time alone, we both had our own lives and didn't cross paths much.

I've only ever roomed with people I didn't know beforehand. I think if I had roomed with friends or at least someone I knew it would have been a more pleasant experience.


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Chronos
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15 May 2010, 8:51 pm

zeldapsychology wrote:
Looking to look into one when/IF I return back to College but was curious how others on the spectrum fared with that situation. Like I've mention to a cousin I want someone school focused (with mild basic hang out potential movie,eat out etc.) NOT drinking/partying wild behavior. My cousin said befriend a nerd LOL! and of course someone who is study focused like myself. I was just curious about others experience with it thanks!


I've been incredibly lucky on this matter...

My first roommate was a bi-polar compulsive cleaner. Wonderful, because I'm an indifferent slob, so that worked out nicely.

My second roommates were two NT girls who rightfully concluded I was not a snob, just quite, and were quite modest themselves so we got along nicely.

My third roommate, a PDDNOS man, I had been friends with for many years, and puts up with me far more than he should.


I don't know that I would ever be able to room with someone random, however.



sylvr
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15 May 2010, 9:03 pm

Urk.. I will NEVER ever ever have a roommate again. (Except for maybe a husband. Does that count?) I had one during my failyear at university. The uni took great pride in their match-up survey, which of course completely failed me. (To be noted, this was pre-ADHD diagnosis or any idea of Asperger's.) Roomie was completely inconsiderate of me, from using her monster printer at 4am when I was obviously asleep, stealing my things, loud phonesex while I was in the room (sleeping, TYVM), being messier than I am (but I knew where my stuff was, some of her stuff ended up in my closet!!), making rumors up, loudly masturbating (she fell asleep with her hand visibly down her pants), etc. (Edit: She also came back to our tiny room drunk a lot. And staying up 'late' to her meant at least 4am most every night with the big light on.) And the dumb RA on my floor didn't do a thing about her.

At the end of the year I wrote Roomie an angry letter, telling her I felt sorry for whoever she was rooming with next year, among other things. And I included a picture of her with her hand down her pants asleep. Whoever invented roommates sucks. :(


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Last edited by sylvr on 15 May 2010, 9:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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15 May 2010, 9:05 pm

I had three roommates in college. The first was my favorite by far. She was kind and not in to the party scene. We got along well and never had any issues.

My second roommate was a party-er (drinking/pot, etc) was loud and often "borrowed" my stuff without asking. I actually ended up sending most of my possessions home to my parent's house just to keep them safe. I spent most of that year at a friend's apartment.

My third roommate was a friend from high school. We got along fine, at first. I didn't particularly care about the set-up of the apartment, so I gave her carte blanche to decorate. The only problem was it made her rather possessive or particular about the furniture arrangement and basically disallowed me from altering anything. It wasn't long til I began simply isolating myself to my bedroom and ventured out only to find food or leave. She began getting irritated that I didn't help clean the apartment (I didn't due to the fact that I never used any of the other rooms and so didn't think it was up to me to clean them). I will admit I should have helped clean the bathroom but I only had a single drawer in there and most of the time the place was nasty from her cat box (they often chose not to use the box and just pee on the floor). Let's just say we didn't part on good terms.

I now live with some relatives and have again primarily isolated myself in my bedroom. It is a large house but I do not make use of most of it, and as with my previous situation, I don't tend to help maintain as I probably should. We get along fine, but whether that is due to my self imposed isolation and minimal contact, I don't know.


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Rose_in_Winter
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15 May 2010, 9:53 pm

My first apartment was basically designed for college kids -- it had a big living room, a big kitcen, 2 small bedrooms, one large bedroom, and a bedroom that I think was a converted storage closet. It was the first floor of a house that the owner had repurposed into 3 apartments. My flatmates and I had the first floor (which meant we had a porch). I shared the large bedroom with my boyfriend at the time. My female roommates had the two small bedrooms, and my male roommate had the converted closet. I only knew my bf and one of my roommated when I moved in. I was originally told it would be all girls except for my bf -- when we met the other two girls, we got along with them well. However, one decided to move after all and got her friend Dan to take over her place in the apartment. None of us knew Dan.

There was nothing really bad about Dan...I have no complaints about him in terms of roommate stuff. We all had jobs, his was to do the dishes and he did them daily, and they were always really clean. He didn't make a mess in the bathroom. I found his friends annoying, but they weren't rude or overly loud. He was cool about clearing out for gaming nights (I ran a weekly game for my bf, our roommate Diana, her bf, and a couple other friends) and never made typical jock comments about gamers. However, Dan and I were a bad fit personally...he had serious issues with the fact that I wore all black. So did Diana and my bf (we were all goth) but I was the one he took issue with. He wasn't really mean about it, but he made a lot of big scenes and it made living with him uncomfortable.

Jess and Diana, OTOH, were great roommates. I got along with them both really well. We had most of our friends in common with Diana, whom I'd been friendly with before we moved in (that's how I got the invitation to move in; Diana, Jess, and their old roommate were looking for a couple to rent the big room). Jess was really sweet; I think she'd have gotten along with anyone. Overall, I tried to avoid Dan and refused to engage in confrontation (especially when he'd been drinking). My bf was a good roommate; we lived together for about 4 years, most of it just the two of us.

I wouldn't suggest living with that many people, especially if there's only one bathroom! (Made getting ready for nights out at the goth club interesting, with three of us getting all dressed up at the same time.) In the summer months, I frequently did Diana's hair out on the porch! In your ad for a roommate, be sure to specify what you want. For example, if you don't want a roommate of the opposite sex or same sex, say so. If you want a non-smoker or non-drug user, say so. (If you smoke, mention it -- living with a smoker when you are a non-smoker SUCKS...I know that from extended visits with an ex-bf who smoked.) You want someone quiet, study-oriented, put that in your ad. If you need a neat and tidy roommate, or you are a terrible slob, you might want to say that too! My friends who put up really detailed ads had a much easier time finding roommates than those who just put up, "Looking for roommate at address X." Chances are you'll find another quiet, study-oriented person, and whose quirks won't bother you.



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15 May 2010, 10:30 pm

I wont go into detail on this.

I haven't ever lived with anyone I haven't pissed off on accident. I've lived with several different people.

I'd very much like to live alone! It's great stuff.


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15 May 2010, 10:55 pm

Had two roommates in college dorms. Both briefly. I got a single both times as soon as it was available. At my school, single rooms were few and in high demand. There was a waiting list every year, so sometimes you had to begin the year with a roomie.

The first roommate - freshman year, first week - I did not like at all. She was a wild party girl. I was 'young for my age' and she barely spoke to me, was no help at all when I cried myself to sleep the first night away from home. (Embarrassing to say now, but if it helps someone else...) I had never been away from home before then. I was very glad to get a single room. (This one was also very bossy if given a chance. I hate when someone mistakes 'quiet' for 'doormat.') I lasted there maybe a few months, not sure now.

The second roommate (another school year) was very nice, and I even double dated with her once with our boyfriends (totally innocent - movie and dinner after.) I mainly got a room to myself because I was so shy about changing in front of anyone. I've always been shy about that, other than if I had a boyfriend of course but that was different. Other than that issue, she was fine and we got along fine. She was a sunny type of personality always smiling, I think that helped break the ice. She could've got along with anyone probably.

Then during a college break, I roomed with someone who rented a room in her small apartment for the income. It was about 6 weeks. She was okay, other than always telling me what to do which I hated. Her boyfriend and she would eat up the groceries, leave a mess and tell me to do the dishes. I wanted to only wash my own. She felt like it should be rotated duties or something like that. I contributed to the grocery and dry goods for the place, so I felt like, the rest should be on our own. It wasn't horrible, but I just avoided her as much as I could. Basically stayed in my room or out elsewhere. She also had a cat which I was allergic to and left it to me to clean up after it while she was away on a trip for a week (without asking me first - just telling me I had to.) I refused, and she had a friend come in to change its litter instead. (I was allergic and not there to pay and also clean up after HER pet. That's just how I felt at the time, maybe because she wasn't very cordial.)

So my advice would be try for someone who is sunny and smily or at least non judgmental. The 2nd roommate had all those things, and my reasons for leaving there had nothing to do with her. Avoid bossy ones or party hounds.



CockneyRebel
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15 May 2010, 10:58 pm

I've never had a room mate, and I don't really wish to have one. I don't want my external Kinkyness to be suppressed by society's rules, so I choose to live alone.


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Callista
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15 May 2010, 11:12 pm

I recommend you not have a roommate. While you may have minor social benefits from living with someone, you are far more likely to be too stressed out from never, ever being able to be alone, or to control any of your environment, or to get away from some extra sensory annoyances.

You're there to study. Choose the living situation that best allows you to study. I suggest an apartment close to campus, or a single room if your college offers them. they are worth the extra cost.

If you're worried about getting socialization practice, joining a campus organization is a better idea than living with a roommate.


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16 May 2010, 1:23 am

Not I, he said with intense feeling and gratitude. My son - somewhere on the spectrum and with more social stamina than I ever had - has roommates and is frazzled - comes back here to cool down not infrequently. My very NT cannot stand me brother had a roommate and for him that was a high negative - but of course he is 90% temper.

Yes, be very careful. If you find someone you can stand and THEN share it might work. But build some quiet room space into the arrangement



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16 May 2010, 1:26 am

I could never cope with a room mate. I need my own space and get violent if it is denied. I plan on staying with my parents and then renting my own apartment or something in college.


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16 May 2010, 2:27 am

I have never had a room mate and never wanted one. I am too paranoid and afraid of the possible problems.



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16 May 2010, 6:24 am

I had and I still have.

I lived with three girls for half a year. They were NTs in every detail. One was quite ok, but she was constantly messaging with her sweetheart on the cell. Thank God cell was quiet, she probably knew that ring twice a minute is annoying.
Two girls were loud, they often went out for a party. Many people visited them very often. They used to play at nights, this playing was throwing the groceries (eggs, sugar, flour, jelly, water) at boys - and vice versa. They were yelling, taking the doors out of hinges etc.
They also used to rummage in my things.

After half a year I was gone from this flat.

I lived here alone for some months. Then my new roommate came and still lives with me. She is almost deaf and she wears hearing aid. She likes NDH music, I'm glad. She's not used to talk, me too. She's learning all the day long, now she's too. She goes for the parties very rarely, sometimes her friends come, but they only talk and drink tea. She leaves a room very rarely, so it makes me mad, because I need alone time. I feel constantly watched, like Trent Renzor sings I control you in this song (click). I wish she was more religious, sociable, deaf-activist... WHATEVER! Leave me alone, please!


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Last edited by Valoyossa on 16 May 2010, 6:28 am, edited 2 times in total.

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16 May 2010, 6:24 am

i have had lots of different roommates over the years, and finally concluded i can't live with other people happily.

i need a safe zone that is entirely in my control and suited to my preferences, and i find this impossible with someone else going in and out, even if my room is completely private. but i think i am unusually particular about my privacy and about sharing space. i even have trouble visiting my family.


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