no clue socially, or just unable to express?

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anbuend
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21 May 2010, 10:49 pm

Generally for autistic people there can be many reasons for being unable to do something the "right" way.

We can not understand it at all.

We can understand but not be able to implement it.

We can implement it but lack the understanding (like learn how to tell a yes/no question and then randomly choose an answer without it matching our thought or even without understanding words).

We can either understand or be able to act but not both at once.

And the list goes on.

This is not even just true of people considered Asperger's. I've met many people who were labeled severely autistic and nonverbal, but who actually understood social things at least as well as nonautistic people did, they just couldn't express it.

So if your shrink thinks that pattern can't be part of autism she has a lot of learning to do.


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scorpileo
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22 May 2010, 3:55 am

hmm.. i guess im a 'social aspie' meaning i give the apearenc of eye contact ( i look anornd the eyes and nose, seeming like im giving eye contact but not) and have studied text book body language.. in my quest to understand people.. however i miss social cues.. when it is turn to speak ect.. despite this i can social convosations as people bare my quirks as i compenaste with wit and humor.


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y-pod
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22 May 2010, 4:52 am

I think my social skills are quite acceptable, especially small talks with strangers. I'm rather articulate and express myself well. I'm particularly good at negotiations. It's the deep bonding and finding best friends I have trouble with. I can't get to any emotional topics with people. If we're talking about weather, politics, economy, art...whatever and they're all fine. Once it get to relationships or emotional stuff I just don't know what to say. I have only general friends, no close friends, because I find it very stressful to get to very personal level with other people. Sometimes I get very annoyed about why people would want to bring up their personal problems if there's no way I can help them or offer any useful advices. Hoping I'd be upset with them I guess?



katzefrau
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22 May 2010, 7:42 pm

anbuend wrote:
So if your shrink thinks that pattern can't be part of autism she has a lot of learning to do.


yes, i think everyone has a lot of learning to do about what autism can look like. this is why i am learning as much as i can from the source: people on the spectrum. do doctors do the same? i have no idea.

i wonder if therapists and doctors really are just looking for external traits rather than trying to understand what causes them. therefore, if they don't see the trait they assume the underlying cause for the trait is also missing when it might not be.

also social interactions can either be innate or can be scripted, and both could appear the same until closer inspection. i think if someone is focusing too much on whether you are able to have what appears to be a normal conversation, they might not understand what is going on internally, and it's important to speak up and explain. if you are unable to make "small talk" without feeling like it's a lie, and overthinking every single word you say vs. what might be appropriate (and then you spend hours analyzing the conversation afterward, looking for "mistakes" you might have made), then you are having problems reciprocating, in my book.

learning to mask something can make it very difficult to understand what's really happening. my therapist told me today she had read an article about how therapists almost never recognize mild expressions of autism. if i can find the article, i will post it.


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Joe90
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05 Dec 2010, 10:32 am

I know all the social cues really well, and I could be the life and soul of the biggest sociable party in the world - but there's just something stopping me from actually expressing this. But that doesn't mean I don't know the social cues. If I was in charge of a playscript for a group of actors, I'll get all the social rules right for when the actors act, and the play would look just the same as real life. I could write a really good story, based on a really popular 20 year old NT who leads a normal social life, and the story would be immaculate.
But just because I know all the social cues, just like a NT, still doesn't mean I don't find it hard expressing the social cues. When I'm speaking to someone, a little voice in my head says, ''ask her so-and-so to extend the conversation'', and as I go to extend the conversation, something just makes me develop palpitations and cold sweat, and so I emotionally back away again. Is that common in AS? I've always been like it, even when I was a small child and a teenager.


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