How much do you think you stand out as different to others?

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OuterBoroughGirl
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09 Jun 2010, 9:53 pm

That's a difficult thing to assess. I'm not seeing myself through other people's eyes, and in the adult world, most people don't share what they really think of you until after you leave the room. :roll:
I know that when I was in college, one friend I hung out with eventually told me that she initially approached me and took an interest in me, because she's interested in psychology and sociology, and immediately noticed something "different" about me, and she thought I would be an interesting subject to "study" and "observe." She did also tell me that she grew togenuinely care about me as a friend shortly after that, so I suppose that's... nice. :shrug:
She also told me some things people said about me. Apparently, some of our classmates thought I was "nice" while others thought I was "weird."
Also around this time in my life, I had a guy tell me that it was fine if I wanted to be "the strange girl on the block," but I really should put more energy into my appearance and how I present myself. I *never* set out to be "the strange girl." :?
I also had an issue shortly after I started college where the Head of Student Life called an emergency meeting with me because a bunch of my classmates had come to Student Life expressing concerns about my odd behavior. This was traumatic for me, as I started college determined to break the cycle of crippling shyness and withdrawal that been going on for years. I was going to put myself out there, and be a normal person for the first time in my life. I was roughly two hundred miles away from home, in a new environment where no one knew me, and in my eighteen year old naivete, I assumed that it would be no problem to reinvent myself as a whole new person. It became clear pretty early on that wasn't going to work, that I was never, ever going to pass for "normal." :(
Just a few years back, at a previous job, a coworker let slip that some people thought of me as "...not aware." Her pause before the words "not aware" led me to strongly suspect that others were using far less diplomatic terms than that to express their opinions of me.
To this day, I encounter people at work who seem to dislike me for no apparent reason, people who ridicule me and find fault with everything I do. Still others act as if I can't be entrusted as much as other people, sometimes offering to do relatively simple tasks in my stead, as I apparently don't come across as able to handle simple tasks. 8O
Additionally, I work with preschoolers. The children I work with seem fond of me, yet they don't show me the same level of respect as they do the other staff, and they often don't follow directions when I deliver them. It has been suggested by other staff members that the children don't realize that I'm an adult. Part of this is probably because I really *don't* look my age. I'm petite and quite babyfaced. Additionally, I just haven't figured out how to present myself like an adult, in terms of how I interact, and how I carry myself. Considering my age, this is more than a little pathetic.
In spite of everything, I continue to try and do my best impression of an NT. I think that this ridiculously long winded post makes it pretty clear that I'm not doing a very good job. :roll: Based on how others react to me, it's clear that I stand out quite a bit.


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GumbyLives
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09 Jun 2010, 9:59 pm

I know I stand out as different from others because many folks tend to be mean about it, either to my face, or behind my back. A number of them, *after* they've known me for awhile, decide I'm funny or whatever and don't seem to mind me being there -- BUT they still don't even include me in their lunches or parties or other social things. So even when I'm "ok" I'm only "ok" in a certain setting for them, I guess.

I know I dress differently, and I don't act like a girly girl, and so on. I've been told all my life that I'm "weird", and for the most part I just accept that's how others see me. It's often painful, but it's something I just go on with. What else are you going to do? Just muddle through.

On the other hand, there are or have been several folks in my life (e.g, my grandparents, my partner, and my partner's immediate family) who seem to accept and like me for who I am. And that's sweet 8)


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09 Jun 2010, 11:40 pm

Willard wrote:
I managed to skate by on the fringes of the peer group - not ostracized, but never fully accepted, either.


this has largely been my tactic as well, but more specifically: skate by on the fringes of very eccentric groups of people. not something that will work for everyone, and in the end, just as isolating - but it got me by.

having no explanation for what made me feel so different than everyone else, perhaps i learned some strange coping skills ... as well as a measure of respect for all sorts of very marginalized people (like the homeless), whom i take very seriously. people living in cardboard boxes judge no one.


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10 Jun 2010, 1:22 am

I don't dress that appealing to others. I've become increasingly anti-mainstream too. When I talk it's to quote some scientist or share a theory of my own. I'm non-emotional around people, apart from getting annoyed with them easily.

They probably think I'm pretty damn weird. Meh, I think they're a bunch of simpletons.

I'm not always this way. On ritalin I can talk more and am less moody.


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10 Jun 2010, 4:10 am

I've been told outright that I'm strange by some of my parents' friends, but I couldn't really figure out whether they meant good strange, bad strange, or neutral strange, although my guess would be more on neutral. However, sometimes I get people telling me that I'm strange in a good way. For example, I go to the university to have some dental work done, and the student who does it, a girl a couple of years older than me, told me that she's never met anyone like me (in kind of a good way, I guess :-)). So that "positive" recognition of weirdness happens to me too in recent years. That's much nicer than back in junior high when some kids were spitting on me and calling me "alien" and stuff like that.



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10 Jun 2010, 4:22 am

I stand out wherever I go. The only solution was to dye my hair, get tattoos, wear strange clothes, etc. Now I appear to be "trying to stand out" so I don't get noticed as much. I stood out a lot when I was trying to blend in. My disguise is being incredibly obvious about being weird. If I want people to ignore me all I need to do is act like I'm desperate for attention. I'll come off as some counter-culture kid working on some art school project and people will leave me alone. This only works in urban cities. By passing as "one of the freaks" you can blend in quite easily.



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10 Jun 2010, 10:37 am

TheHaywire wrote:
By passing as "one of the freaks" you can blend in quite easily.


bingo.


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kx250rider
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10 Jun 2010, 11:56 am

clumsybee wrote:
Iremember being laughed at for it by my French teacher many years back.


That person should not be a teacher. A teacher's #1 job is to cause the student to be able to grow, and to get good self esteem. Laugh at a student for ANY REASON = FAIL.

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10 Jun 2010, 12:00 pm

TheHaywire wrote:
I stand out wherever I go. The only solution was to dye my hair, get tattoos, wear strange clothes, etc. Now I appear to be "trying to stand out" so I don't get noticed as much. I stood out a lot when I was trying to blend in. My disguise is being incredibly obvious about being weird. If I want people to ignore me all I need to do is act like I'm desperate for attention. I'll come off as some counter-culture kid working on some art school project and people will leave me alone. This only works in urban cities. By passing as "one of the freaks" you can blend in quite easily.


Same here!! !! I was the little nerdly library boy by outward appearance, and once I started with piercings and stand-out clothing, it seemed a little easier to deal with others' perception of my differences. At least I could attribute that kind of attention, to my huge ear plugs and hope it wasn't for something I said or was doing. It definitely draws attention away from the subliminal to the physical. I'm not sayiing this was my healthiest choice, but any port in a storm, I guess.

Charles



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10 Jun 2010, 12:22 pm

Yeah, I went through a phase when I was 15 to about 25 or so where I dressed really odd, and got tattooed. My appearance changed drastically sometimes on a daily basis. The way that I looked was apart of my individual expression, and I remember truly not wanting to be, or look like everyone else. Normal was boring to me. It was much more fun to be creative.

I actually got treated worse when I dressed differently. Though, I noticed that I could kind of blend a little with the other nonconformists (if you could call me that, since it implies a conscious decision to Not conform, and for me that wasn't the case). For example, drug addicts aren't as quick to judge. While I never really felt accepted into their crowd, I wasn't shunned, either. They were fine with oddness, and let me be there, even though I didn't do drugs. They tolerated me, I guess is what I'm trying to say.



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10 Jun 2010, 12:25 pm

TheHaywire wrote:
I stand out wherever I go. The only solution was to dye my hair, get tattoos, wear strange clothes, etc. Now I appear to be "trying to stand out" so I don't get noticed as much. I stood out a lot when I was trying to blend in. My disguise is being incredibly obvious about being weird. If I want people to ignore me all I need to do is act like I'm desperate for attention. I'll come off as some counter-culture kid working on some art school project and people will leave me alone. This only works in urban cities. By passing as "one of the freaks" you can blend in quite easily.


I suddenly understand my mom so much better.


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devark
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10 Jun 2010, 5:33 pm

Everyone seems strange and complicated to me, I don't fit in, but I don't believe I stand out either. To quote Chesterton out of context, I feel "homesick at home" in this world.


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10 Jun 2010, 5:38 pm

I find, that when I'm not trying really hard to fit in, I can blend in just fine. I spent years trying to act like a popular person but obviously failing and getting picked on for it, but when I just relaxed a bit and stayed within my own wavelength I was accepted much more.


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10 Jun 2010, 5:58 pm

People stare at me and I scared some kids off the bus...



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11 Jun 2010, 3:14 am

serenity wrote:
I noticed that I could kind of blend a little with the other nonconformists (if you could call me that, since it implies a conscious decision to Not conform, and for me that wasn't the case). For example, drug addicts aren't as quick to judge. While I never really felt accepted into their crowd, I wasn't shunned, either. They were fine with oddness, and let me be there, even though I didn't do drugs. They tolerated me, I guess is what I'm trying to say.

I usually feel safe with druggies. And I think George Orwell said that he'd always found tramps to be very non-judgemental. I can well believe it. I'm not saying it's universal, but it seems that the best people are often to be found at the bottom of the pile.