I have been alone my whole life



Page 1 of 2 [ 16 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

lightening020
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Jan 22, 2008
Posts: 657

10 Jun 2010, 10:03 am

Just recently been thinking about this.

I have always felt alone, sad and depressed my whole life. Even when I was growing up. I can't say at what age I started feeling like this.

Its hard to point my finger at any specific occurrence that changed me when I was young, but I have no doubt, that I was pre-disposed with these traits when I was born. I dont know if Its AS or not. I share some traits, but I can pass for normal sometimes (I think) or maybe not. I dont really know.

There is no possible way on the face of this earth that I could have felt that way and had that childhood w/o some kind of genetic pre-disposition to be that way.

I only had a few friends here and there, Most of them made friends with me.

Have had some girls here and there interested in me, but I turned them all down in the silent scared way.

WHEN I THINK about it, I have been alone all my life. I dont know any other way. When there is an opportunity at my door, I just cant let it in. I just have no idea. Although I want friendship, I want a romantic relationship, I realize these things just do not seem natural to me in any way.

If I try, I know that it will shake things up for me and I have no idea how that will turn out. It is a scary thing. I know that I have to shake things up if I ever want to get out of my shell. I just dont have the energy though right now being depressed. My life feels unreal now at 23 when I look back on my experiences, my memory, and then try to figure out where I am now. In half-way across the state with no family dont know what I am doing

I have been alone my whole life, I don't know any other way.



Moog
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: Feb 25, 2010
Posts: 17663
Location: Untied Kingdom

10 Jun 2010, 12:35 pm

Give it a few more years. Who knows? I feel less alone now, but the first 28 years were a desert.


_________________
Not currently a moderator


Todesking
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Apr 22, 2010
Posts: 3088
Location: Depew NY

10 Jun 2010, 12:40 pm

Trust me when I say it will not get better when you are in your forties. :cry:



Shadowbound
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

Joined: May 04, 2007
Posts: 426
Location: UK, Staffordshire

10 Jun 2010, 1:59 pm

When I used to go out a lot when I had a full time job I'd often see people meeting females and hitting it off in seconds. One day I just thought what the hell is wrong with me. It comes so natural to my friends and compared to me they were scum. I mean all they did was treat people like s**t and get wasted on drink almost everyday. I just thought if dirt like that can find a girl friend how come I can't. When I'm friendly and kind to everyone I meet.

Maybe I need to punch more people and be a complete bastard and a bully. Maybe then I'd get on better. I know what I said was dumb but being the kind shy and caring type doesn't work.

Bahh! sorry for rambling folks it just gets me down and sometimes and I need to let off steam.



Reverie
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: Apr 30, 2010
Posts: 14

10 Jun 2010, 3:45 pm

Yeah I can relate, as I've always felt alone too. I can probably think up a 100 different reasons and excuses, but I guess I mostly just fear change. Letting people in and the thought of a relationship with a girl, something I've never had is pretty scary. I've always felt as if I were looking at the world behind a glass window, sort of a look but can't touch type deal. I got use to that type of lifestyle. It's hard to be social when I'm just so not use to it. I can never find the words to say, and it just doesn't feel natural.

The sky just seems way too big for someone like me who feels bound to the ground, as everyone else appears to fly freely.



Homer_Bob
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Jan 05, 2009
Posts: 1394
Location: New England

10 Jun 2010, 6:10 pm

Same with me, being alone is all I know. I go everywhere and do everything alone, even vacations.


_________________
"The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. The best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes."


hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Nov 02, 2004
Posts: 16104
Location: New Zealand

10 Jun 2010, 7:19 pm

Shadowbound wrote:
Maybe I need to punch more people and be a complete bastard and a bully. Maybe then I'd get on better.


Sadly though, you probably will. I think it sucks when people have to resort to this to get women.

Anyway in reply to the actual thread, I am the same and find it hard to cope with any significant change.


_________________
New dating site for geeks:
http://www.ingeeklove.com

My latest youtube video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RnfTXt-Tu4


Merle
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Oct 31, 2007
Posts: 514
Location: Lake Tahoe

10 Jun 2010, 11:58 pm

Fortunately, you're 22 years old. You will grow into your own and not even recognize what or who you were ten years down the road.

Be lonely now, recognize it and learn to accept it. You won't feel the same way forever (and that's 5 years for you)



lightening020
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Jan 22, 2008
Posts: 657

12 Jun 2010, 2:16 pm

I hope so. It just feels like I have been stuck my whole life with the wrong mindsets and behaviors and patterns.

It feels like I have to force myself to break out. I know it's easy advice to say "get out there", but it is such a hard thing to do.

I worked a service industry this whole last year, and for a while It seemed to be improving my attitudes and character talking to random strangers. I even met a few girls doing that and even got a date which seemed promising but that mysteriously went blank when I tried calling her up again. Somewhere along the line I crashed again. I went back to my usual self and felt extremely uncomfortable in my own skin. That job turned into hell. Worst job for anyone not feeling secure and confident in themselves. So I quit

and now here I am I have never felt more uncomfortable and insecure as I do now. I feel more secure in some ways, but generally way more self-conscious and paranoid than I ever have. I can barely go to the store a few blocks down w/o feeling like everyone is judging me.



vikki
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: Feb 23, 2010
Posts: 26
Location: UK, Midlands

13 Jun 2010, 10:28 am

Shadowbound,

I agree with what you said, 'what's wrong with me' I feel the same too.

All most people want is someone who makes them happy to share their life with, but it can be difficult finding 'the one'.

I found 'the one' twice in my life, but sadly it wasn't to be.

I'm still looking!!

Like many of us with Aspergers, I lack confidence and sometimes have trouble expressing myself clearly.

But as they say 'things can only get better'.

It's good to have a rant now and again, it only gets worse if you keep it all inside.



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Nov 02, 2004
Posts: 16104
Location: New Zealand

13 Jun 2010, 4:32 pm

Everyone has more than one soul mate. The one could be hundreds of people ;)

Finding them can be hard though.


_________________
New dating site for geeks:
http://www.ingeeklove.com

My latest youtube video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RnfTXt-Tu4


Greenmouse
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: May 29, 2010
Posts: 167
Location: Quebec, Canada

13 Jun 2010, 5:25 pm

lightening020 wrote:
I have been alone my whole life, I don't know any other way.


You can attend a social skills class.

If you're a christian, you can also meet your church leader in order to tell him you're an Aspie. Tell him what are your problems and how to manage it. With information, people can start understanding you more and more and accepting you the way you are. That's what happened with me.



Diamond_Head
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: Jun 30, 2008
Posts: 143
Location: Kauai, Hawaii

14 Jun 2010, 2:55 am

Quote:
When I used to go out a lot when I had a full time job I'd often see people meeting females and hitting it off in seconds. One day I just thought what the hell is wrong with me. It comes so natural to my friends and compared to me they were scum. I mean all they did was treat people like sh** and get wasted on drink almost everyday. I just thought if dirt like that can find a girl friend how come I can't. When I'm friendly and kind to everyone I meet.

Maybe I need to punch more people and be a complete bastard and a bully. Maybe then I'd get on better. I know what I said was dumb but being the kind shy and caring type doesn't work.


Why do they have better luck than you do? It's not that they get drunk and violent. It's the fact that they have confidence in their actions. Think of all the greatest men who have changed the course of history in the past several thousand years. From Ceasar and Ghengis Khan, later on to Napoleon and Peter the Great, all the way up to Teddy Roosevelt and Dwight D. Eisenhower. How many were the shy, retiring type? Not many.



pbcoll
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Feb 14, 2007
Posts: 2259
Location: the City of Palaces

14 Jun 2010, 9:14 pm

I have not been alone my whole life, but I'm convinced I'll remain alone the rest of my life. My one relationship persuaded me that love is a luxury not for me. I don't expect anything good from relationships any more, so I'm sparing myself the serial rejection, the drama, the conflict, the breakup.


_________________
I am the steppenwolf that never learned to dance. (Sedaka)

El hombre es una bestia famélica, envidiosa e insaciable. (Francisco Tario)

I'm male by the way (yes, I know my avatar is misleading).


The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Jun 16, 2010
Posts: 15212
Location: Beirut ,Lebanon

17 Jun 2010, 3:08 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Everyone has more than one soul mate. The one could be hundreds of people ;)

Finding them can be hard though.


It can be millions for some and zero for few tho ...



Display posts from previous:  Sort by  


Page 1 of 2 [ 16 posts ] Go to page 1, 2  Next




You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum
Jump to: