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jdenault
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03 Jul 2010, 8:35 am

STUFF has been mentioned so frequently, I just ordered it. I'll read it then suggest my son and his (probably Aspie) wife read it since they have asked for help getting their apartment in order. You mentioned your husband is busily pitching stuff after reading it. Is he also an Aspie?



flyingrhubarb
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03 Jul 2010, 11:52 am

I thought I'd order this book Stuff that several people have referred to, but just to check, is it

Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things by Randy O. Frost and Gail Steketee
or is it
Stuff, by Daniel Miller?
Or yet another Stuff... :) (Who'd have thought Stuff would be such a popular book title...)



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03 Jul 2010, 1:08 pm

jdenault wrote:
STUFF has been mentioned so frequently, I just ordered it. I'll read it then suggest my son and his (probably Aspie) wife read it since they have asked for help getting their apartment in order. You mentioned your husband is busily pitching stuff after reading it. Is he also an Aspie?


He definitely has a few Aspie traits (also some ADHD) but it's pretty mild.

The book is the one by Randy Frost.


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jdenault
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04 Jul 2010, 7:47 am

I believe it's the STUFF by Frost and Steketee. I hope that's the right one, it's the one I ordered.



flyingrhubarb
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05 Jul 2010, 2:31 pm

Thank you! Have ordered it myself now :)



jdenault
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05 Jul 2010, 4:17 pm

Amazon just let me know mine had shipped. Let me know what you think about it and I'll do the same.

My AS son collects all kinds of things. His father and I were divorced 21 years ago so what my son calls the nuclear family are rarely all together. But we were yesterday. When he realized this he insisted he wanted a photo of the six of us--an odd choice since the entire three generation crew was there except for three of the grandchildren. I would have liked a picture of the whole bunch but he was adamant that it be just his "nuclear" family. I couldn't figure out why. His kind stepmother suggested he wanted his infant son to know what the family he was raised by looked like.

I felt as though I was participating in a collection of the way things were in his past.

We acknowledge that AS people are unable to understand other people's thought processes. I don't question that but think it's reciprocal. I'm your run-of-the-mill NT and don't have a clue to what is going through his AS mind. And never did.



flyingrhubarb
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08 Jul 2010, 4:03 pm

jdenault wrote:

We acknowledge that AS people are unable to understand other people's thought processes. I don't question that but think it's reciprocal. I'm your run-of-the-mill NT and don't have a clue to what is going through his AS mind. And never did.


That's exactly what an AS friend of mine says. He says when NT people talk about theory of mind and stuff, they are missing the fact that whilst they are good at getting in the mind of another NT person they are useless at getting in the mind of an AS person, and that AS people are actually better at that.



jdenault
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09 Jul 2010, 10:29 am

flyingrhubarb wrote:
jdenault wrote:


That's exactly what an AS friend of mine says. He says when NT people talk about theory of mind and stuff, they are missing the fact that whilst they are good at getting in the mind of another NT person they are useless at getting in the mind of an AS person, and that AS people are actually better at that.


I think you're right. The AS engineer son married a probably AS woman, also an engineer. They have been together for five years, get along beautifully and understand each other when I am clueless to what motivates either one.



MONIQUEIJ
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09 Jul 2010, 12:19 pm

if it is then my nana got it lol lol



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10 Jul 2010, 5:27 pm

Hoarding in general, no. Hoarding items related to a "special" interest, yes.

I think he is getting upset because moving the object causes a change that makes things less familiar.

I used to get quite annoyed when my mother rearranged the furniture.

My friend has a PPD-NOS and he's quite the compulsive shopper/hoarder, and gets upset when things are moved.

He will by something because he likes looking in shops, he likes buying the items, and he likes having it. He will find some spot for it and that is usually where the object will be interned, unopened, for all eternity.

Honestly I could throw about 1/4 of the stuff out and he'd never notice because he has so much of it, but of course that's not my place.

They will have to clean up for the baby so it doesn't get ahold of anything when it starts to crawl.



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10 Jul 2010, 5:30 pm

jdenault wrote:

We acknowledge that AS people are unable to understand other people's thought processes. I don't question that but think it's reciprocal. I'm your run-of-the-mill NT and don't have a clue to what is going through his AS mind. And never did.


That is very correct.



jdenault
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11 Jul 2010, 12:41 pm

[quote="Chronos"]Hoarding in general, no. Hoarding items related to a "special" interest, yes.

I think he is getting upset because moving the object causes a change that makes things less familiar.

You'right on both counts. Books are a particular obsession. He can sense a change without fail. I don't see any particular order to his books but he can go right to a particular book. I never noticed if he puts it back in the same place but I don't think this would be a problem because he will have been the one who will have placed it. His work area is the most sacrosanct part of the apartment. He doesn't even like it if a paper is lifted and to my eye replaced exactly. I don't think he will be able to imagine what must be removed and/or shifted upwards before the baby begins crawling.



alone
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13 Jul 2010, 2:28 pm

KansasFound wrote:
I relate more to items than I do to people. That being so items remind me of people more so than people. With that being so throwing something out is like deleting that connection to a person or tossing out a memory.


I relate better to things too. I connect a few objects to people and I'm terrified to change it because it will mean they are gone. I don't keep papers and stuff but always afraid to have one of anything, it will break. I trust things, especially when I have more than one. I care for them and they stay new. They stay the same and do the same thing.

:(



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13 Jul 2010, 4:14 pm

I guess it can be.



Last edited by Kat15 on 15 Jul 2010, 4:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

jdenault
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14 Jul 2010, 8:04 am

I bought Stuff by Frost and Stekatee. Well written and informative, I read it virtually non-stop. Hoarding is complex: partly OCD but clearly sounding like AS in many ways. The writers first (and frequently referred to throughout the book) subject had a lot of theories about why she hoarded. One stood out as pure AS. She collected articles she was "certain her son and daughter would find interesting" even when the son not only refused to even look at the article, but threw it out. No matter how many times he flatly rejected her articles, she just didn't accept what he said because she couldn't grasp his thought patterns. Her husband eventually walked out on her because of the hoarding. The authors didn't go into why he didn't just hire someone to cart everything away. That would have been interesting to read. He had some control of the situation--while he lived there his wife wasn't allowed to pile paper on his side of the bed and didn't.



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14 Jul 2010, 1:54 pm

jdenault wrote:
I bought Stuff by Frost and Stekatee. Well written and informative, I read it virtually non-stop. Hoarding is complex: partly OCD but clearly sounding like AS in many ways. The writers first (and frequently referred to throughout the book) subject had a lot of theories about why she hoarded. One stood out as pure AS. She collected articles she was "certain her son and daughter would find interesting" even when the son not only refused to even look at the article, but threw it out. No matter how many times he flatly rejected her articles, she just didn't accept what he said because she couldn't grasp his thought patterns. Her husband eventually walked out on her because of the hoarding. The authors didn't go into why he didn't just hire someone to cart everything away. That would have been interesting to read. He had some control of the situation--while he lived there his wife wasn't allowed to pile paper on his side of the bed and didn't.


Perhaps he knew that wouldn't solve anything in the long run.

This reminds me of a friend of mine, who I strongly suspect is an Aspie. She kept her old jeans for the daughter she would have someday, which I found utterly illogical. Now she has two sons... I wonder if she still have the jeans. :lol:

I confess to having stockpiled an enormous number of children's books and being pretty sad my son doesn't show much interest. He does like to read some, but nothing like the voracious reading that I did, and his tastes are somewhat different. I will have to go through his books and do a lot of discarding in the coming years and that will be very sad for me.


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