What ongoing help do adults with Aspergers need?

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StuartN
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25 Jun 2010, 4:21 pm

What ongoing help do adults with Aspergers need?

I went to see my psychologist because I do not feel that I am coping with life too well at the moment. I am doing well with all the family, work, going out and other obligations. I am not managing hobbies, interests or pleasure because I feel down and I feel that I do not have time. When I feel down, I am feeling very, very down - but most days I am okay. The problem is that I am rarely better than okay, and then some days I am really bad, really stressed and painfully sick. (By way of explanation, I don't think this is depression: I was being treated very unsuccessfully for depression, and then diagnosed with Asperger's, and it is more like not-belonging stress than apathetic depression).

When I saw my psychologist, I just did not know what to ask for, and I feel that it is an "are you expecting me to do all the work for you?" attitude - either I am doing all the right things (in which case I don't need him), or I am failing to do all the right things (in which case I should stop bothering him and go do them). I feel that there is nothing more that the psychologist or psychiatrist can think of to help (but I can't myself).

What helps?



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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25 Jun 2010, 5:45 pm

To some extent, I recommend please shop counselors/psychologists/physicians. A person with Asperger's currently can be depressed, just like any other person. And as I understand it, even if depression starts over reactive or situational, it can become biochemical.

Good luck. Keep talking with us here.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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25 Jun 2010, 5:48 pm

StuartN wrote:
. . When I feel down, I am feeling very, very down - but most days I am okay. The problem is that I am rarely better than okay, and then some days I am really bad, really stressed and painfully sick. . .

And I guess the zen approach, is to just let the bad times wash through you like a wave.

Please talk with your spouse in medium steps as you think she'll understand. Ask for something medium important that will make a difference. She probably does care and want to help.



LabPet
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25 Jun 2010, 5:48 pm

StuartN wrote:
When I saw my psychologist, I just did not know what to ask for, and I feel that it is an "are you expecting me to do all the work for you?" attitude -

What helps?


I am sorry you're not feeling well but it will get better.

About your question - a new psych. And you may tell him/her the Therapist Slayer said so.


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Callista
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25 Jun 2010, 5:50 pm

Seems to me like your stress level is probably too high. If you don't have the energy to do relaxing things, that's a big red flag that you're pushing yourself through your days doing all the things you NEED to do, and not getting to anything you want. I don't know what it is about the AS brain, but I think special interests and such are probably vital to stress management, to the point that I know I'm in serious danger of another depressive episode if I lose the motivation to engage in my current interest.


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BoBraxton
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25 Jun 2010, 5:59 pm

The last day of June one year ago was my last day I was allowed to work providing computer support after eleven years full time faithful service. I spent one month in Africa which I documented in daily journal writing, the major topic was need and my denial of it / them. Since then I have discovered my love of writing poetry. I have read complete works of A. R. Ammons, then of Lucille Clifton, whose poems seemed closest to what I myself had already been writing for months. I continue to do so, with great intensity (and pleasure).



LabPet
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25 Jun 2010, 6:05 pm

BoBraxton wrote:
The last day of June one year ago was my last day I was allowed to work providing computer support after eleven years full time faithful service. I spent one month in Africa which I documented in daily journal writing, the major topic was need and my denial of it / them. Since then I have discovered my love of writing poetry. I have read complete works of A. R. Ammons, then of Lucille Clifton, whose poems seemed closest to what I myself had already been writing for months. I continue to do so, with great intensity (and pleasure).


That's a great idea - StuartN, maybe you could find your special interest anew. Being occupied is best. Just to note: A quality of AS is to not be able to express why - your psychologist is not doing you justice. Find another route.


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greenturtle74
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25 Jun 2010, 7:29 pm

I, too, feel like I'm pushing myself through each day. My energies are going toward improvements in career, social life, and lifestyle, but these feel like needs, not wants. At the same time, the things I used to enjoy the most bring less and less pleasure. I desperately need some kind of a jump start or life-changing experience like BoBraxton described to keep from spiraling downward. But the thought of travel overwhelms me - although I would like to, there are too many logistics involved. I fear the unfamiliar. As far as therapists, I've been through many in the past and was never able to establish a therapeutic alliance.



StuartN
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26 Jun 2010, 12:27 pm

Callista wrote:
Seems to me like your stress level is probably too high. If you don't have the energy to do relaxing things, that's a big red flag that you're pushing yourself through your days doing all the things you NEED to do, and not getting to anything you want. I don't know what it is about the AS brain, but I think special interests and such are probably vital to stress management, to the point that I know I'm in serious danger of another depressive episode if I lose the motivation to engage in my current interest.


I think this is close to my problem, but I am struggling to understand it. I spend my time doing things that I think other people will rate as important. I am not spending time on pleasurable activities that I am interested in because I do not think other people will rate them as important. But then I manage to create large amounts of laundry or cleaning because that is seen as important. I do not feel that I am needy and desperate for approval (I am 46 and got this far without it), so I am unsure what kind of interaction I need with other people to gain this undefined positive effect.



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26 Jun 2010, 3:20 pm

I get services for my Asperger's. They are tailored to my needs, but the ones I chose are:

*help organizing paperwork and mail
*help organizing/prioritizing daily tasks
*help shopping (stores are over-stimulating)
*help going to the dentist (terrifying!)

I have a home-worker that comes out 3-4 hours a week for this.

I also go to a support group and social skills class for help with social skills.


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CockneyRebel
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26 Jun 2010, 4:01 pm

A free assessment, every 5 years, would be nice.


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nelle
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27 Jun 2010, 12:23 am

whitetiger wrote:
I get services for my Asperger's. They are tailored to my needs, but the ones I chose are:

*help organizing paperwork and mail
*help organizing/prioritizing daily tasks
*help shopping (stores are over-stimulating)
*help going to the dentist (terrifying!)

I have a home-worker that comes out 3-4 hours a week for this.

I also go to a support group and social skills class for help with social skills.


I wish I had this for myself. Paperwork often sends me to meltdown stage. Any ideas or tips you can pass on? I also forget to pay important bills sometimes. Time is wierd for me, sometimes a week feels like a day and I can't imagine where the time went and a deadline has passed. Once in a while something will get disconnected or cancelled because I forgot to pay. This is no way to live. I need more services but haven't found them yet. I love being aspie when I'm in my special interest zone. I don't love this part tho.

Thx, Nelle



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27 Jun 2010, 1:28 am

Help with remembering to pay bills and to go to appointments would be nice. So would helping me be organized enough to keep my house as clean as I like it. I like the idea of someone helping me fill out and turn in forms that come in the mail before I lose them. Advice about what to do about handling social and other life issues would be helpful too.


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Danielismyname
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27 Jun 2010, 2:40 am

I can't work (due to the ASD), so I receive a disability pension. They deem me as disabled enough to be unable to work (if they think you can and you have a diagnosis of an ASD, they will find you a job).

I could probably do with a carer, but I'm not severe enough for that; needing someone to make your food, driving you places, reminding to do things, helping with other self-helps skills I lack, and whatnot, doesn't meet the requirements here.

I could also do with more Valium repeats, but people out there decide to kill themselves with it (in addition to other sedatives at the time), so I must suffer and go out every 5 weeks or so and see the psychiatrist because of them.



Brennan
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28 Jun 2010, 5:01 am

StuartN wrote:
I think this is close to my problem, but I am struggling to understand it. I spend my time doing things that I think other people will rate as important. I am not spending time on pleasurable activities that I am interested in because I do not think other people will rate them as important. But then I manage to create large amounts of laundry or cleaning because that is seen as important. I do not feel that I am needy and desperate for approval (I am 46 and got this far without it), so I am unsure what kind of interaction I need with other people to gain this undefined positive effect.


I need what I call me-time to be able to function in my everyday life. If I don't get enough downtime away from the social pressures of work and general living then I start to not be able to cope with life. This me-time doesn't involve doing laundry or housework but must be time for me to do whatever I want to do even if it is something as simple as spending the night on the couch watching TV. It sounds like you are in desperate need for regular 'me-time' to get back some of that joy of living and reduce your stress.