How to tell if a girl likes you.

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Seanmw
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30 Jun 2010, 12:07 am

happymusic wrote:
Tequila wrote:
She's bouncing up and down on your balls?

This could still be part of the decision making process. :lol:
:lol: :lol:


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Adam82
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30 Jun 2010, 9:14 am

I have no idea how to read the signals. I am hopeless with women, I have to say. :cry:

There is somebody I really like at work, who I do get along with very well, but I still can't be certain if she feels the same way as me, or not. At least I've got this far, though, I suppose. She is a friend, and doesn't run a mile when I come along, like most women. We have a lot in common, share the same values, are the same age, etc. It seems great, but I just don't know how to tell her. I'm very shy. I think even if she only considers me a friend, she cares enough about me to not be mean about the rejection. So I don't really have a lot to lose.



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30 Jun 2010, 9:47 am

Adam82 wrote:
I have no idea how to read the signals. I am hopeless with women, I have to say. :cry:

There is somebody I really like at work, who I do get along with very well, but I still can't be certain if she feels the same way as me, or not. At least I've got this far, though, I suppose. She is a friend, and doesn't run a mile when I come along, like most women. We have a lot in common, share the same values, are the same age, etc. It seems great, but I just don't know how to tell her. I'm very shy. I think even if she only considers me a friend, she cares enough about me to not be mean about the rejection. So I don't really have a lot to lose.


Does she make a point to come see you just to say hi? Like on her own?



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30 Jun 2010, 12:18 pm

OP: Excellent post - this is probably the single most difficult issue I face romantically.

Recently, I've had a couple of conversations with attractive girls who seemed a little nervous to be speaking to me - I assumed it was because my stunted Aspie social skills made them feel uncomfortable - isn't this a far more probable explanation than attraction on their part?



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30 Jun 2010, 2:52 pm

Daemonic-Jackal wrote:
Yet threads like this tarnish us all with the same brush, like we are all completely innocent and have never done anything in our entire lives. We've got every right to be offended by this especially when people who post threads like this don't stop to bother and think that maybe we are not the ones with the problem. You've only quoted parts of my reply which suit you and have stuck to typical female bias.

Some of us don't actually need help, if Chronos or anyone else wants to help certain individuals then that's fine, I have no beef with that, just don't try push it onto all of us pretending like they know all the answers.

And like I said already Chronos' post goes back on itself and goes straight back to square one.


I give up, @Daemonic-Jackal - if you don't need help, why read the thread? Seriously, there's nothing compulsory about this forum or these threads, so if you're not interested in anyone else's perspective about how to tell if a girl likes you, don't waste your time reading it. Nobody's pushing anything on you individually, and I didn't get the impression that @Chronos believes she has all the answers. She's simply trying to offer advice to people who are interested in it - and it will probably help some people who read this forum. There's no reason to jump her shiz and make her sorry she tried to help.

OP, I think you make a lot of good points, particularly about the nervousness. To emphasize that, it's the combination of nervousness and eye contact, attentiveness, furthering the conversation, smiling, etc. that can indicate attraction. Nervousness combined with a lack of eye contact, looking around the room, checking her watch, giving short answers to questions, engaging in other conversations while talking to you, excusing herself to the ladies room, etc. all indicate a lack of attraction (and likely that you're giving off a creeper vibe). Keep in mind that if a woman is willing to give you her time and attention (no matter what the circumstance), that's probably a pretty good indication that she's interested in you.


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Daemonic-Jackal
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30 Jun 2010, 3:21 pm

HopeGrows wrote:
Daemonic-Jackal wrote:
Yet threads like this tarnish us all with the same brush, like we are all completely innocent and have never done anything in our entire lives. We've got every right to be offended by this especially when people who post threads like this don't stop to bother and think that maybe we are not the ones with the problem. You've only quoted parts of my reply which suit you and have stuck to typical female bias.

Some of us don't actually need help, if Chronos or anyone else wants to help certain individuals then that's fine, I have no beef with that, just don't try push it onto all of us pretending like they know all the answers.

And like I said already Chronos' post goes back on itself and goes straight back to square one.


I give up, @Daemonic-Jackal - if you don't need help, why read the thread? Seriously, there's nothing compulsory about this forum or these threads, so if you're not interested in anyone else's perspective about how to tell if a girl likes you, don't waste your time reading it. Nobody's pushing anything on you individually, and I didn't get the impression that @Chronos believes she has all the answers. She's simply trying to offer advice to people who are interested in it - and it will probably help some people who read this forum. There's no reason to jump her shiz and make her sorry she tried to help.


Maybe it's just the way it was written then. But one thing I have noticed is that when people try and give advice, they never seem to admit their own errors or flaws, that's why it comes across as condescending. At the same time I didn't think what Chronos' had written was particularly helpful to those who it is aimed at. Am I not allowed to disagree and say that I think it's flawed? There is too much back-patting on these forums, too many people on here saying only what other people want to hear when making replies. I'd have thought with you being one of the older members on here you would be able to see straight through that.


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30 Jun 2010, 3:23 pm

Short list:

laughing at your jokes

smiling while looking you in the eyes

touching (especially touching!)

mimicking your body language

asking personal questions



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30 Jun 2010, 3:34 pm

Daemonic-Jackal wrote:
Maybe it's just the way it was written then. But one thing I have noticed is that when people try and give advice, they never seem to admit their own errors or flaws, that's why it comes across as condescending. At the same time I didn't think what Chronos' had written was particularly helpful to those who it is aimed at. Am I not allowed to disagree and say that I think it's flawed? There is too much back-patting on these forums, too many people on here saying only what other people want to hear when making replies. I'd have thought with you being one of the older members on here you would be able to see straight through that.


Yes, you're totally allowed to disagree with the OP's observation - it's just that you seemed offended that she'd made the observation. Okay, maybe her post wasn't as comprehensive as you would have liked, or it was not written to help someone with your level of experience. But honestly, I think her intentions were all good, and not to make anyone else feel badly about themselves. It would be more constructive, perhaps, if you would offer your own ideas on the subject. That might help the folks who are reading this who have a bit more experience, but would also like to understand the subject matter a little better. What do you think of that approach?


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30 Jun 2010, 3:36 pm

Dilbert wrote:
Short list:

laughing at your jokes

smiling while looking you in the eyes

touching (especially touching!)

mimicking your body language

asking personal questions


Excellent list, @Dilbert. It provides a bit of context, as well as actual body language to watch for.


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happymusic
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30 Jun 2010, 3:47 pm

Wasn't this a spin off thread anyway? There were a couple of other discussions that started to go in this direction - at least that was my impression. It didn't seem like it was out of the blue.



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30 Jun 2010, 4:45 pm

HopeGrows wrote:
Yes, you're totally allowed to disagree with the OP's observation - it's just that you seemed offended that she'd made the observation. Okay, maybe her post wasn't as comprehensive as you would have liked, or it was not written to help someone with your level of experience. But honestly, I think her intentions were all good, and not to make anyone else feel badly about themselves. It would be more constructive, perhaps, if you would offer your own ideas on the subject. That might help the folks who are reading this who have a bit more experience, but would also like to understand the subject matter a little better. What do you think of that approach?


I was a bit, but I think that's more to do with the way it was written and that threads like this are written based on the idea that everyone is the same (or at least that's how it comes across even if it is not intended that way) Im sure her intentions were good but at the same time it seemed a bit one sided. It's also a bit of double standard for a woman to give men advice on picking up supposed hints when they don't expect women to try make it easier for shy guys and try meet them halfway (and i'd say the same if it was the other way around)

There have been threads on this forum where women have complained about being accused of unintentionally leading guys on. The point I was trying to make in my original reply was if a woman is giving off the wrong signals to start with, the guy is going to fail anyway and any sort of advice isn't going to help. But everyone chose to overlook that.

I would offer advice if I could but I'm not sure it would work for other guys on here. If someone likes me then usually I pick up on it straight away, call it a super strong gut instinct if you want, maybe that's what other people should just try using more often without worrying about the possibility of rejection.


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30 Jun 2010, 4:45 pm

happymusic wrote:
Adam82 wrote:
I have no idea how to read the signals. I am hopeless with women, I have to say. :cry:

There is somebody I really like at work, who I do get along with very well, but I still can't be certain if she feels the same way as me, or not. At least I've got this far, though, I suppose. She is a friend, and doesn't run a mile when I come along, like most women. We have a lot in common, share the same values, are the same age, etc. It seems great, but I just don't know how to tell her. I'm very shy. I think even if she only considers me a friend, she cares enough about me to not be mean about the rejection. So I don't really have a lot to lose.


Does she make a point to come see you just to say hi? Like on her own?


Yes, she does! :)



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30 Jun 2010, 5:00 pm

Adam82 wrote:
happymusic wrote:
Adam82 wrote:
I have no idea how to read the signals. I am hopeless with women, I have to say. :cry:

There is somebody I really like at work, who I do get along with very well, but I still can't be certain if she feels the same way as me, or not. At least I've got this far, though, I suppose. She is a friend, and doesn't run a mile when I come along, like most women. We have a lot in common, share the same values, are the same age, etc. It seems great, but I just don't know how to tell her. I'm very shy. I think even if she only considers me a friend, she cares enough about me to not be mean about the rejection. So I don't really have a lot to lose.


Does she make a point to come see you just to say hi? Like on her own?


Yes, she does! :)

Well, that's a good sign. You could sort of feel it out in a way while keeping your nerves from getting rattled by asking her, in a very casual way, if she'd like to get lunch together. Something like, "Hey, I was thinking of trying that new sandwich shop - wanna go?" If you've done that already, or maybe you do a lot, maybe you could ask her if she'd like to catch a movie or whatever - just something outside of work. If she says yes, then once you tell her you really like her, it shouldn't come as a huge surprise to her. And if she's agreeable to spending time with you outside of work, she probably likes you, too, especially if you go out several times. Just ideas. :)



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30 Jun 2010, 5:10 pm

Daemonic-Jackal wrote:
It's also a bit of double standard for a woman to give men advice on picking up supposed hints when they don't expect women to try make it easier for shy guys and try meet them halfway (and i'd say the same if it was the other way around)

There have been threads on this forum where women have complained about being accused of unintentionally leading guys on. The point I was trying to make in my original reply was if a woman is giving off the wrong signals to start with, the guy is going to fail anyway and any sort of advice isn't going to help. But everyone chose to overlook that.

I would offer advice if I could but I'm not sure it would work for other guys on here. If someone likes me then usually I pick up on it straight away, call it a super strong gut instinct if you want, maybe that's what other people should just try using more often without worrying about the possibility of rejection.


With respect to your point above (bolded), I think the comment you're referring to was more of a reflection of the way men/women interact in social settings, rather than they way things should be. Lots of women do try to make it easier for "shy guys" to connect....some even go so far as to take the lead in making the connection. There are drawbacks to that for women as well, though....some men find if "emasculating" when a woman takes the lead; some men consider women who signal a clear interest as "easy" to get/have, and therefore less desirable. So I guess it's not necessarily that easy for either side.

As far as your "super strong gut instinct" - I'm wondering if there are clues that your "gut" picks up on? A certain look, a certain action? Not saying there are conscious cues in these situations, but perhaps they do exist, and sharing them might help others?


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30 Jun 2010, 5:40 pm

HopeGrows wrote:
With respect to your point above (bolded), I think the comment you're referring to was more of a reflection of the way men/women interact in social settings, rather than they way things should be. Lots of women do try to make it easier for "shy guys" to connect....some even go so far as to take the lead in making the connection. There are drawbacks to that for women as well, though....some men find if "emasculating" when a woman takes the lead; some men consider women who signal a clear interest as "easy" to get/have, and therefore less desirable. So I guess it's not necessarily that easy for either side.

As far as your "super strong gut instinct" - I'm wondering if there are clues that your "gut" picks up on? A certain look, a certain action? Not saying there are conscious cues in these situations, but perhaps they do exist, and sharing them might help others?
\

I would like to agree with you regarding women trying to make it easier for 'shy guys'. But I've never witnessed that or been in scenario where a woman has tried to take the lead, asked me out etc. So at the moment to me it all sounds superficial and a complete myth. We'll just have to agree to disagree on that one.

Tbh there isn't any real conscious cues as far as I'm aware. Usually for me it's about chemistry and it doesn't take long for me to suss out if it's there or not. Sometimes it can take longer then expected, sometimes it will only take minutes and on the odd occasion it can be impossible to work out (depending on what vibes the other person is giving on) I'm my own person with my own thoughts and wired up differently to anyone else on here so I don't think any advice I'd try to give on this subject at least, would be particularly helpful.


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30 Jun 2010, 6:08 pm

in my experience the ONLY girls who go after guys are tramps. Found that to be true in elementary, jr high, high school and most recently at work. Ok..maybe 1% of those women who go after a guy are not tramps...but the way that 1% would go about it would be in an entirely different way and in an attempt to get a real connection where as the other 99% can only say "hey, I think your hot" etc. And I might sound like a jerk about this but I am tired of tramps, they really make me lose respect for women and I wish there were fewer tramps in the world.


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