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rmgh
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16 Jul 2010, 11:01 am

Ok, so after 8 months on the forum, I'm still wondering whether or not I have Asperger's Syndrome. Going to a doctor is not an option for me because I hate doctors and I don't have one anyway.

My main issues around this subject that I find the most problematic (the most difficult to put up with) are struggling to make friends and being bad at studying.

Some things that are "aspie" about me -
I like buses: I memorised all the numbers of the buses, their map colours, their destinations, frequency and their routes for my home city. When I used to use the bus, I knew every single bus time for the whole week for my bus route, where the timing points were on the route and their times as well. Also, I used to spend hours driving a bus on imaginery routes I had created on a computer game that wasn't designed for such.
I find busy places and complex environments like supermarkets to be extremely tiring.
I always miss sarcasm: Unless I can logically work out why someone is using it because of how untrue what they are saying is, which takes me longer time.
I often walk on my tip toes.
I do very repetetive strict stims like picking in my hair.
I had terrible focus at school: And still do like just now, it's taking me forever to write this.
I'm terrible with empathy: I never want to be so self centred, but I'm often blind to other peoples problems, feelings etc.
And so on.

So, back to my main 2 problems. Firstly, friends.
This is something that not everyone with Autism has much of a problem with. This is because there has to be other factors involved. I know my other factors and they are things like: low self esteem, difficulty letting people close to me, paranoia; some of which may have been caused by child sex abuse. But, when I was at school, I found there were other reasons why it was hard like; finding social interactions too fast and uncomfortable, people not understanding my routines, not understanding immature humour, struggling to cope with unfamiliar and unplanned events like "hanging out", prefering to be alone. People think that because they see me being confident and socially active/responsive that it is impossible that I could have Asperger's. Is it true? Does Asperger's come into play here, or could it only be the other things I mensioned that have caused all problems?

Then, there's school.
I am just continually gutted that I left school at 16, don't know common education things that others do, am not a student like every other single damn young person and just have no job and no life. I would not change the fact that I left school then, only if I could only change who I am as well. I used to think, like my family and friends did, that I was lazy and not interested. It was so easy for them to convince me that this was the case, so I always blamed myself. I eventually realised that I do have real problems with focus and I can't change that instantly by just "thinking more positive" or any other crazy thing like that. I only found out I had this problem when I learned about Asperger's Syndrome. I don't think I have just ADHD because I can focus on some things (like buses!) that are of particular interest and because I often pay a lot of attention to detail. The other thing is, it seems most people with Asperger's are brilliant in education and almost all young people here, like NTs, are students. So, is there something else that could be the problem? Can Asperger's alone really make you almost useless at studying? Maybe I am just lazy.

Anyway, thank you if you have read all/most of this. I could write and write, but I hope this is a digestable amount. Oh, and I'm just searching for comments, thoughts etc. Feel free to say I don't have Asperger's or that I'm just crazy or lazy or whatever.



Last edited by rmgh on 16 Jul 2010, 11:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

MONIQUEIJ
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16 Jul 2010, 11:10 am

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gassy
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16 Jul 2010, 12:04 pm

rmgh wrote:
Ok, so after 8 months on the forum, I'm still wondering whether or not I have Asperger's Syndrome. Going to a doctor is not an option for me because I hate doctors and I don't have one anyway.

My main issues around this subject that I find the most problematic (the most difficult to put up with) are struggling to make friends and being bad at studying.

Some things that are "aspie" about me -
I like buses: I memorised all the numbers of the buses, their map colours, their destinations, frequency and their routes for my home city. When I used to use the bus, I knew every single bus time for the whole week for my bus route, where the timing points were on the route and their times as well. Also, I used to spend hours driving a bus on imaginery routes I had created on a computer game that wasn't designed for such.
I find busy places and complex environments like supermarkets to be extremely tiring.
I always miss sarcasm: Unless I can logically work out why someone is using it because of how untrue what they are saying is, which takes me longer time.
I often walk on my tip toes.
I do very repetetive strict stims like picking in my hair.
I had terrible focus at school: And still do like just now, it's taking me forever to write this.
I'm terrible with empathy: I never want to be so self centred, but I'm often blind to other peoples problems, feelings etc.
And so on.

So, back to my main 2 problems. Firstly, friends.
This is something that not everyone with Autism has much of a problem with. This is because there has to be other factors involved. I know my other factors and they are things like: low self esteem, difficulty letting people close to me, paranoia; some of which may have been caused by child sex abuse. But, when I was at school, I found there were other reasons why it was hard like; finding social interactions too fast and uncomfortable, people not understanding my routines, not understanding immature humour, struggling to cope with unfamiliar and unplanned events like "hanging out", prefering to be alone. People think that because they see me being confident and socially active/responsive that it is impossible that I could have Asperger's. Is it true? Does Asperger's come into play here, or could it only be the other things I mensioned that have caused all problems?

Then, there's school.
I am just continually gutted that I left school at 16, don't know common education things that others do, am not a student like every other single damn young person and just have no job and no life. I would not change the fact that I left school then, only if I could only change who I am as well. I used to think, like my family and friends did, that I was lazy and not interested. It was so easy for them to convince me that this was the case, so I always blamed myself. I eventually realised that I do have real problems with focus and I can't change that instantly by just "thinking more positive" or any other crazy thing like that. I only found out I had this problem when I learned about Asperger's Syndrome. I don't think I have just ADHD because I can focus on some things (like buses!) that are of particular interest and because I often pay a lot of attention to detail. The other thing is, it seems most people with Asperger's are brilliant in education and almost all young people here, like NTs, are students. So, is there something else that could be the problem? Can Asperger's alone really make you almost useless at studying? Maybe I am just lazy.

Anyway, thank you if you have read all/most of this. I could write and write, but I hope this is a digestable amount. Oh, and I'm just searching for comments, thoughts etc. Feel free to say I don't have Asperger's or that I'm just crazy or lazy or whatever.


To be honest for me aspergers is just a label. Dont get me wrong there can be benefits of being labelled it like getting a disability allowance and to help others understand, and also for you being able to relate to other people etc.

But in my opinion, many many (if not the majority) of people have (at least some) autistic traits, especially in men.

But when ever i talk about it to others, I only explain to people the traits which I possess, rather than talk about autism specifically.This is because many people have a very limited knowledge/understanding about it, which is fair enough, I only know so much about computers, celebrities etc and it is therefore easier for them to understand/relate to.

even when it comes to this website I only view it primarily as a place where people can meet who have the same/similar personality/behavioural traits, and experiences etc, as opposed to whther you are on "the Aspergers side of the line, or the other side". Alex, and other users might view it differently, and that is up to them, but like i said, that is how i view the primary benefit of it.

So therefore, even though I have explained it really badly, and it may not be the answer you were looking for, but to answer your question: Does it really matter? You seem to have at least some autistic traits, but when it comes down to it does it matter if you have "enough". ---- unless your looking for a diagnosis of course, or looking to gain benefits from it, which is completely different



rmgh
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16 Jul 2010, 4:49 pm

No, I'm not looking for a specific answer. I just want to know opinions, which is what you have given, thank you.

I understand what you are saying. I don't want to know so that I can go around telling everyone. I guess I just want to know that it is a bit more difficult for me than some others in these areas and that I'm not just missing something that I should be doing.



gassy
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18 Jul 2010, 3:14 pm

rmgh wrote:
No, I'm not looking for a specific answer. I just want to know opinions, which is what you have given, thank you.

I understand what you are saying. I don't want to know so that I can go around telling everyone. I guess I just want to know that it is a bit more difficult for me than some others in these areas and that I'm not just missing something that I should be doing.


Thats fair enough, I understand what you mean.

But i guess what im trying to say is whether your "over the line" or not is irrelevant, as either way you still find it difficult in those areas.

The way I look at it is that I try and find what individual areas autistics find immense difficulty in and then relate it to which ones i do. From there i try and improve to at least some acceptable, or if i can't do that, then i use my other skills to compensate for them.
Like i said there are always problems/difficulties which i will have, but that is the same with everybody else, though most other peoples difficulties are different to mine. But that doesn't mean i cant at least TRY to improve them as much as i can. I may only end up doing so slightly, and never reach perfection (which i've come to the conclusion is impossible), but as they say "Every little helps".

There are somethings which im always going to struggle with, but if i ever get questionned about it i say what the EXACT problem/difficulty is. For instance when it comes to me getting extra time in exams. I would say about the problems I have with reading the question properly, or difficulty transferring ideas to paper, rather than saying my diagnosis.

I know I have repeated myself compared to my first post, as well as within this very post, but i hope it helps, and is understandable. And if it isn't then i apologise for wasting your time (and probably also confusing you too) :)



rmgh
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18 Jul 2010, 3:28 pm

gassy wrote:
rmgh wrote:
No, I'm not looking for a specific answer. I just want to know opinions, which is what you have given, thank you.

I understand what you are saying. I don't want to know so that I can go around telling everyone. I guess I just want to know that it is a bit more difficult for me than some others in these areas and that I'm not just missing something that I should be doing.


Thats fair enough, I understand what you mean.

But i guess what im trying to say is whether your "over the line" or not is irrelevant, as either way you still find it difficult in those areas.

The way I look at it is that I try and find what individual areas autistics find immense difficulty in and then relate it to which ones i do. From there i try and improve to at least some acceptable, or if i can't do that, then i use my other skills to compensate for them.
Like i said there are always problems/difficulties which i will have, but that is the same with everybody else, though most other peoples difficulties are different to mine. But that doesn't mean i cant at least TRY to improve them as much as i can. I may only end up doing so slightly, and never reach perfection (which i've come to the conclusion is impossible), but as they say "Every little helps".

There are somethings which im always going to struggle with, but if i ever get questionned about it i say what the EXACT problem/difficulty is. For instance when it comes to me getting extra time in exams. I would say about the problems I have with reading the question properly, or difficulty transferring ideas to paper, rather than saying my diagnosis.

I know I have repeated myself compared to my first post, as well as within this very post, but i hope it helps, and is understandable. And if it isn't then i apologise for wasting your time (and probably also confusing you too) :)

No, I totally get what you are saying. Lol, you go off in a complex tangant like me that doesn't make great overall sense. :P I'm glad you explained that, because that's just like problems I had at school. I wonder if I would have done better with extra time and KNOWING why I needed it. Anyway, now I'm finished with it and hoping that my UP side of autism (i.e. musical ability) will help me in my life. I'm counting on it, it's all I have left!!



Seattle_Chris
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19 Jul 2010, 7:43 am

From what I've read, lots of people with ADHD also have Hyper Focus for their select interests. Which COULD explain the buses and whatnot. Though, Bus/Train schedules are like the #1 example given by lots of people when talking about Autistic Spectrum Disorders (ASDs).

Though if what you're looking for is guesses as to whether you have a ASD or not based on what you posted, I would say 'Yes, I think you probably DO have Aspergers, or some other ASD". But of course, bear in mind, I know hardly anything about you, and I'm SOooooo not trained to diagnose anyone. :D


Hope it helps at all. :D
Chris



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19 Jul 2010, 7:47 pm

When I read the bus thing...I'm pretty sure you have ASD

I know someone else said AD/HD can make you hyperfocus. But I have AD/HD, and I know a lot of people who AD/HD, and the AD/HD hyperfocus is different. It's more like when I get so preoccupied with cleaning my room I forget to eat or use the toilet until I'm busting... Having long-term obsessions on restricted areas is't something I've seen much in AD/HD unless the person is also autistic.



rmgh
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21 Jul 2010, 11:21 am

Thanks for those posts. That is kind of what I thought about AD/HD, because I had a friend with it and knew it was different, but I didn't know how to explain it.

I know there's no one thing that defines whether or not you have it, but I think I have a fairly good idea now. I think I maybe need to consider that perhaps I have been hoping that I don't have it, rather than hoping that I do have it. If that makes sense.