oh, you have a boyfriend?

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YOU GET IT!
it my best friends gal's friend. the friend of my best friends gal.

in any case,
that whole backup thing is a possibility, but i wont rely on that. the guy she is with is actually quite nice, and from what i hear is pretty awesome.
Im fine with being friends, but ive been upfront that i only want friends. the romantic aspect has been edgy with us, and i think she felt it too, but at the same time, i think it is best she stay with her NT guy. he knows what he is doing, and they got a good thing going. im not about to mess it up.

oddly enough, we touched on that tonight, got a bit of hype, made rules that we cant hang alone together [must always be with friends], and she and i talked about other women. We talked about meeting a single awesome person, and she hooked me up with a friend of hers.

[this is getting complex.]
so, my best friends gal has a friend this thread is about.
my best friends gal friends, gal friends, friend, is who i was introduced to.

apparently after a few hour of talking to her, ive gathered she is fairly reclusive and odd. I dig it. Ill see what happens with that. we are going to meet up with some friends in a few days. ill post to update whats going on with that. [right now its all online with this new gal]

so, after some edgey talk about this new gal with my best friends gal's friend, we all broke off and went to bed.

new gal doesnt seem to be too intrested, but also seems like she know how to take intrest. we will see.

from now on, my best friends gal is called X
the best friend's gal's friend is called Y [which the thread is about]
and the new gal is called Z



sound good?

X introduced me to Y, Y and I hit it off, Y has a BF, me and Y decided it best to not go that path, Y and I have edgey talk and she asks if im a virgin [or have ever been in love], and in the end i am introduced to Z, who talks online with me for a few hours.

make sense?

This is starting to sound like a doggin' club

That makes sense to me...

so yeah.
the entire situation is becoming quite confusing

ok, news update.

X and Y were with me today, Y considers me to be really awesome, and im about to meet Y's jealous boyfriend. I dont want to come off as strong, because he deserves Y. so. ever since i was introduced to Z, Z and i havent talked.

however, new player, L. is a girl ive known for a while who is now single.

I may post a new thread about that....

Good luck with L.

I would be unable to handle a situation like yours with Y but if you think she is the one and you don´t have a problem with the fact that she has a bf already go for it.

i reuse to date Y because she has a boyfriend. and her boyfriends has done nothing to hurt her, and doesnt deserve that. so we are just friends.
We just are friends.

L will be intresting

This is a perfect example of my "get in line" advice to guys RE: girls with boyfriends. You're in line, and she just told you you're next. Keep talking to her, and you'll be the next guy.

The subtext here is that you don't really know what is going on in her relationship -- one of them could be losing interest, so she's getting ready. Girls with boyfriends don't like to stay single for long, they just go from one to another.

i am not intrested in being a fallback though.

You're not a fallback -- you just got there second! Some other guy got there first, and she dated him before you.

It has nothing to do with you as a person, except in the positive way that she is considering you for the next relationship.

Attractive/sought out women have relationships serially -- they almost are never without a BF unless they suddenly and unexpectedly get dumped (sometimes you can detect when you are about to be dumped, and sometimes you get blindsided). Those who like being in relationships, male or female, will generally make other plans if for some reason their relationship isn't working out -- that's just good planning.

So don't take it the wrong way, I really think you have a good opportunity here, and there's nothing unethical about it if she's not married (she isn't). It is very possible that her relationship has even already fallen apart or gone away, and she just hasn't made it public yet. That's a common occurrence with women who have a lot of ego locked into their having a relationship.

Im confused.
you say im second in line.
That is 'just in case i break up with this guy, ill get with the next guy'
how does that not make me a fallback? Shouldnt she just be focused on being happy with guy A and just being single after that and seeing what happens.

that entire concept sounds unfaithful....

It's not if she breaks up, it's when -- she's already signaling to you that she's on her way out of the relationship (at least, that's the way I read it).

Could it not be possible that you are a better prospect than her current guy? Maybe she's just killing time with him, and you're the more valuable one.

Yes, what you say is logical and ethical by your standards, but not everyone thinks that way, and some of us really really hate to be alone. It may be that she got in a relationship with him just to not be alone. Now you come along, and you're a better fit, or their relationship is over and she is prepping for the new relationship.

I mean, you're there, so you can observe for yourself what kind of person she is. I do find it a bit sneaky what she is doing, but are you looking for someone to marry, or someone to have a fling with? And maybe she really doesn't have a BF anymore but just wants to keep up the appearances.

i think your attitude is really great. it's good to make a moral choice of whatever kind and stick to it.

That was actually bewarethebob who said that ---

Yeah, it's great to be moral -- is it worth being alone forever for a principle?

i fail at quoting

My comment was kind of snarky -- to clarify --

I see a lot of guys, here, elsewhere, and even myself in my late teens, having a very idealized or pie-in-the-sky idea of how a relationship should start, and how exactly that person will be.

Some hard truths here -- women who are in high demand tend to be the kind everyone likes -- duh. These women will tend to be in relationships for exactly the reason that any mentally healthy person will get into a relationship -- it feels good, makes you happy, makes you feel loved, etc. Since the laws of supply and demand work in female favor very asymmetrically in the teenages to late-20s, some of the best female candidates are going to continuously be in relationships. The ones that aren't in relationships are either shying away from relationships, have been very unlucky, or have some negative aspect about themselves that pushes others away. So basically, you have the have's and have-nots, and the have-nots are there for a reason.

A lot of guys are puzzled as how to get into a relationship with the sought-after/quality women. After all, it always seems like they are in a relationship, right? You meet a nice girl, you hit it off, it feels like you're made for eachother -- and then BAM, she tells you "I have a boyfriend." Your heart sinks, you get frustrated, etc. Well gee, didn't you think that anyone else also appreciated how good this girl was and asked her out? It's not like bargains just walk up to you -- you want quality, you have to deal with the "price" -- in this case, competition.

When we grew up as little boys and young men, we were continuously conditioned to be altruistic, to be a gentleman, to not interfere or dare think about getting in the way of someone else's relationship. I have news for you -- this attitude is going to end up with you giving up your place in line to the next guy time after time. You are going to end up a very lonely person, unless you get very lucky and catch a woman between boyfriends. This almost never happens. It happened to me, but mine came from another country and had only been here a few months when I met her. Will you be as lucky? Do you want to leave it to chance?

So you are going to need to face facts -- if you talk to a girl, and she seems normal, nice, relatively flawless, and likes you, there is a good 70% chance or better that she is already with someone. No one likes to be alone, everyone is human, and even if she's not dating the love of her life, she will be with someone. That doesn't mean she is meant to stay with him, or that he is perfect for her. Mating is a part of life, and part of mating is finding the right person. Sometimes that takes time, and sometimes people get dumped when their mate figures out they are not the right one.

To make an omelet you have to break some eggs. Animals in the wild compete for mates -- we're animals too. Yeah, we have rules, yeah, we try to rise above it, but we're still pretty much steered around by our hormones, more so than you would imagine.