Having Autism and finding a boyfriend/girlfriend.

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Warsie
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05 Aug 2010, 11:26 am

Am I the only person who notices the username is similar to tanjakoch aka tanja fleisher from enclocypediadramatica? Also the german 'madchen' from 'anonymous madchen' from her myspace group? I can't be the only dude


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gnomederwear
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06 Aug 2010, 12:02 am

Callista wrote:
But I do wish people around here would really honestly examine WHY they want a boy/girlfriend. It seems to be something that many of us want simply because it's considered a status symbol or a sign that you're socially successful.

It seems to me quite foolish to date someone just to be dating someone.

I so agree with this.

Give yourself time/a chance to fall in love...to fall so hard for someone, to be completely intoxicated by them...

It so beats dating someone just to be dating someone.

Yes, you can get hurt falling in love, but when we do get hurt when we fall in love is one of the ways in which we can grow as individuals within ourselves.



ToughDiamond
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06 Aug 2010, 5:05 am

gnomederwear wrote:
Callista wrote:
But I do wish people around here would really honestly examine WHY they want a boy/girlfriend. It seems to be something that many of us want simply because it's considered a status symbol or a sign that you're socially successful.

It seems to me quite foolish to date someone just to be dating someone.

I so agree with this.

Give yourself time/a chance to fall in love...to fall so hard for someone, to be completely intoxicated by them...

It so beats dating someone just to be dating someone.

Yes, you can get hurt falling in love, but when we do get hurt when we fall in love is one of the ways in which we can grow as individuals within ourselves.


I partly agree. It can be a big mistake to just want a partner without knowing why. I think it's well worth setting down the main criteria for your selection.....that way, it's a simple matter of whether or not a particular candidate matches your requirements. If they don't and you're still ga-ga about them, or if you just don't have any criteria, then the chances are that you're just acting out of desperation.

Not sure about falling madly in love though. Sometimes the chemistry is right but the personality traits are not. I think it pays to keep your head. It's very easy to be ridiculously tolerant and approving of somebody when it's looking as they could be interested, but if you do manage to get together, that tolerance will (in my experience) abate, and then you'll have trouble in spades. So when I fall in love or feel infatuation taking hold of me, I resist, not to annihilate my passion but to temper it with reason. Before I started to do that, I would end up with an alcoholic nymphomaniac or whatever, which did a lot more harm than good.

But I appreciate that there are different views on this. Here's a couple of poems that (for me) seem to get to the heart of the dichotomy:

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/the-crystal-cabinet/

http://www.katsandogz.com/onlove.html

Also I once heard a quote about a man who was said to have loved "not well, but wisely." I guess my money is on being able to love well AND wisely. Is that possible?



Mysty
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06 Aug 2010, 7:59 am

AnonymissMadchen wrote:
1) Is it easier for Autistic girls to find a boyfriend than it is for Autistic boys to find a girlfriend?

I'm wondering because it seems like most girls are more complex or less direct than boys are, and so someone with social difficulties would likely find it easier to connect with boys, which would make it easier for Autistic girls to find a boyfriend.

2) How old were you when you first had a girlfriend/boyfriend?


1) I hate grouping people as far as what they are like by gender. Generally, the differences between individuals is a lot greater than distance between the average male and the average female. I think that's true here as well.

2) 22. I married him a year later. Still married.


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clumsybee
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06 Aug 2010, 9:34 am

1) I think it should be based off of an individual case by case basis. Everybody's different, and certain circumstances (ex. where you live) can make getting a bf/gf either easier or more difficult. In general though, having an ASD makes getting and keeping a bf/gf more difficult than it is for an NT.

2) I haven't had one, and barring finding a miracle man, for the next couple of years I plan to be single. I thought that I might have found a caring guy about a year ago, but he was only interested in raping me and getting me to commit suicide to win a bet... :cry: