Don't you just hate it when someone asks you this question?

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alex
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13 Sep 2006, 9:02 am

Newmie wrote:
I have the greatest thoughts in my head but either the sound of my voice or things getting mixed up when I try to say them, then me hating myself for speaking in the first place (unless it is with my close friends who understand). Often I smile and wish the other person could see inside my head and speak to me telepathically.


Telepathy would be cool. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself about the speaking thing. Everyone has these feelings. The best thing to do is to detach yourself from the notion of failure / success. Instead treat interaction like an experience that is awesome, no matter how it goes, because the result is only linked to perception.


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Artfulia
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13 Sep 2006, 11:28 am

I haven't really gotten any "Why are you quiet?" or other questions like that. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure why.



Newmie
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16 Sep 2006, 1:19 pm

Thanks for the advice and you're right.

Does anyone else here get people telling you that you make them feel like you're in ahurry or impatient, when really you don't realize you are doing that?



theMascaraSnake
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16 Sep 2006, 3:15 pm

where I worked in my last job I shared a room with 3 other people and we generally got along well and had a good laugh but often when there was no-one else in and I was just sitting at my desk working, the receptionist, who sat just outside our room, would look in and say 'You're very quiet in there...'

she did it a lot, it really did my head in...eventually I started to say 'Should I be doing a song and dance routine or talking to myself or something?' and then she'd look really offended, I have no idea what she wanted me to do, I was just getting on with my work


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grendel
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20 Sep 2006, 11:35 pm

I get asked why I am so quiet all the time. Usually I am deep in thought so it takes a long time to switch over to speaking so there is a long pause and then I say something dumb like, "Uh.. I'm thinking." Or worse, some mangled noise that was supposed to be an answer :P.

It's not as bad as being told to smile though. Does anything make you want to smile LESS than someone telling you to? My sister has a great response to this which is a vicious pointy triangular smile which looks more like just bared teeth. I can't do it right, unfortunately :P

Unfortunately I guess the people who try to get to know me better are the ones who like the quietness, and when they find out I talk non-stop with people I am comfortable with, it throws them for a loop! Then they get more confused when I fall silent again.

People also frequently seem to think I am mad at them or impatient when I am not. I assume this has to do with my expression but it's rather hard to control. I thought I was doing better at this (faking expressions that would be perceived as pleasant instead of my usual, what I think is nuetral, expression), until a friend recently told me all these times she thought I was mad at her becuase of my expression & silence when I would start work in the morning. Drat... another thing I thought I was doing better at but it turns out I was only fooling myself :?



jimservo
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22 Sep 2006, 1:12 pm

My family members know me well enough not to ask "Are you quiet?" They do, and my dad asks me quiet a bit, "Are you all right?" I really don't like it when people ask why I am quiet. The answers that pop into my head seem terribly inadequete ("um...cause I'm shy."). It's like when people tell me my shoes are untied or my shirt is on inside-out. I know they are trying to do good, but part of me just wants to scream: "JUST SHUT UP!! !"



Bluetar
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11 Jan 2007, 5:28 pm

Newmie wrote:
Does anyone else here get people telling you that you make them feel like you're in ahurry or impatient, when really you don't realize you are doing that?


Yes, I also often seem to make the impression that I'm not interested in people, when I really am... etc.



laz0r
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11 Jan 2007, 8:36 pm

That's been something that's always confused me :( One of my best friends from highschool (AS) would often go quiet on me, which would make me worried. Turns out she'd just run out of stuff to say :lol: Usually quietness = something's wrong, after all. But not with her!

I'm assuming that quiet = busy/run out of convo/otherwise occupied or entertained, while the other option is insanely talkative :? Lol...

I'll note that if someone asks why you're quiet or if you're okay, it's because they care :)



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12 Jan 2007, 3:41 am

People always used to ask me if I was alright, or tell me to cheer up. It puzzled me, as I was usually perfectly happy when they did so.
I figured it out recently. I'm at my happiest when I'm thinking deeply; when I'm thinking deeply, I frown. I frown when I'm very happy! I can see now how this could have lead people to jump to the wrong conclusions.


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Conformadore
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12 Jan 2007, 4:15 am

I totally agree with you Who_Am_I

I tend to get this question a lot, some times I talk for ages on end and just go quiet.

I reply with, in a humerous tone "Well I've got nothing to say"

Most people think I'm upset when I stop talking, then I go on to explain why I don't have anything to say.

If I'm with friends (I recall this happening quite a lot with a girl) they would talk about people I don't know, then ask why I wasn't talking and the reply would come "Well I don't know this person that your talking about, so if you want me to talk, then change the subject"



sigholdaccountlost
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12 Jan 2007, 2:17 pm

Just thought of a good response

You recognise people by sight, I recoginise them by voice.
If anything, I should be moaning about you being quiet.


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13 Jan 2007, 3:14 am

It still drives me crazy.