Using Aspergers as a crutch or excuse ??

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Verdandi
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31 Jan 2012, 12:41 pm

hanyo wrote:
If you aren't supposed to use anything as an "excuse" for not being able to do something what are you supposed to do if you get asked or need to explain why you can't do something? Shrug your shoulders and say nothing? Anything you say would be an "excuse".

If aspergers doesn't stop you from doing anything than why do some people get disability for it? Saying it's just an excuse means they aren't disabled.

Different people have different levels of functioning.


"Don't use it as an excuse" is practically a cultural mantra. I'm pretty convinced that people are just ignorant about what being "disabled" means, since they seem to think that having a disability isn't any reason to be unable to do something. They can apply it to their own lives, but they shouldn't be so quick to judge others based on flimsy assumptions.



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31 Jan 2012, 7:42 pm

Verdandi wrote:
hanyo wrote:
If you aren't supposed to use anything as an "excuse" for not being able to do something what are you supposed to do if you get asked or need to explain why you can't do something? Shrug your shoulders and say nothing? Anything you say would be an "excuse".

If aspergers doesn't stop you from doing anything than why do some people get disability for it? Saying it's just an excuse means they aren't disabled.

Different people have different levels of functioning.


"Don't use it as an excuse" is practically a cultural mantra. I'm pretty convinced that people are just ignorant about what being "disabled" means, since they seem to think that having a disability isn't any reason to be unable to do something. They can apply it to their own lives, but they shouldn't be so quick to judge others based on flimsy assumptions.


You are completely right.. My somewhat poorly made point, is that these hidden disorders do not have direct absolute barriers. Blindness prevents access to many careers without question, with AS the matter is not so clear cut.

The danger with a label of AS is that if you started to believe that your disability financial support is proof that you cannot work, then there is no motivation to attempt. This is using your condition as a crutch or excuse. I truly believe that there is a place for everyone with the right support and circumstances.

There is no lack of intelligence and ability from anyone on this forum (apart from myself of course :).

Jason



Verdandi
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31 Jan 2012, 10:34 pm

Jtuk wrote:
You are completely right.. My somewhat poorly made point, is that these hidden disorders do not have direct absolute barriers. Blindness prevents access to many careers without question, with AS the matter is not so clear cut.


They do have direct absolute barriers, but people don't see them and assume it's possible to think one's way out of all of them. These difficulties can be accommodated and worked around, but so can blindness. The only reason it's not seen as clear cut is because it's invisible to most people, and thus "not real."

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The danger with a label of AS is that if you started to believe that your disability financial support is proof that you cannot work, then there is no motivation to attempt. This is using your condition as a crutch or excuse. I truly believe that there is a place for everyone with the right support and circumstances.

There is no lack of intelligence and ability from anyone on this forum (apart from myself of course :).


The thing about this kind of commentary is that you're making assumptions about people. You propose that I might decide that my financial support is proof that I cannot work, and thus not try. I spent two decades trying and burning out and barely managed to support myself on two occasions, and overall managed to get three jobs, each for 3-5 months. That's out of 20 years. At what point do I say, "Not only am I terrible at finding work, I am terrible at keeping it once I find it?" that would satisfy the "don't use it as an excuse" mantra? Would it be 30 years? 40 years? Right up to the point of mandatory retirement, and I'm living on the streets because I can manage one job every few years for a few months that pays a few hundred dollars a month?

At what point can I say, "work isn't working?" and not have it be an excuse? How many other people are coming from similar situations? How many people are already on disability or trying to get on it who have a plan to find ways to support themselves with employment? "Using it as an excuse to do nothing" isn't the typical conversation here.

I never told anyone I couldn't work. When I was evaluated for disability benefits, the state told me they considered me unemployably disabled. That didn't tell me anything new or that I trust over my own evaluations, but what they did do is cast a lot of my real impairments in sharp relief.



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31 Jan 2012, 10:43 pm

ya know... I think the only "excuses" that are unacceptable are when people use ASD to excuse behavior issues that are unrelated to ASD...

That could be if someone is poorly self/professional DX, or just if they want to relate one issue to another that may not be a real issue...

The problem is, who the heck can tell the difference? If you see someone who appears to be behaving inappropriately as a fellow adult you actually have some what of a right to explain that to them (with a level of sensitivity)... by explaining to your peer that they are overstepping what is right socially you help them to understand.

Many people have done this with me throughout my life and while it was painful its a big part of why I am somewhat successful as an adult these days!

Our world is too nice... and instead of confronting people who are not acting appropriately what we do is hide and be polite. being polite by not shoving your opinion down someone else's throat is one thing... but being nice by ignoring that someone is completely unacceptable does nobody any good...

If someone say's the N word because you are white and they think that it makes it ok.... you have a right to speak up and say "no it's not ok" and that will teach them that people in this world think of that as offensive... otherwise they wont know. Even if you dont convince them, at the minimum you will convince them that YOU personally dont want to hear the N word...

anyway...

I guess my point is... maybe if you see someone using stuff as a crutch that maybe you should tell them?

otherwise I am not sure where I was going with that but I'll make myself post this without re-reading it anyway lol


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31 Jan 2012, 10:43 pm

Most people I know with Asperger's AREN'T getting disability financial support. And also, you should consider an Autistic Spectrum Disorder might be a more flexible label for some than other diagnoses or assessments.

To me it DOES mean I'm intelligent, generally want and am able to be/work around people (my 'real' diagnosis says the opposite about me), and am able to make my own decisions sensibly enough for some life skills.


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06 Feb 2012, 6:48 pm

A person who has a disability which prevents them from doing things couldn't "just use it as an excuse" even if they wanted to, there is literally no alternative. That is why it's called a disability.

This is like a person with no eyes "just using it as an excuse" for being unable to see.

This just sounds like a person who doesn't actually have any kind of autism and thinks it's just made up. In other words, a troll.



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06 Feb 2012, 8:21 pm

Forgive the guy, he is obviously not aware of how he sounds to others. A clear handicap, even if not wanting a label.
Never mind. I don't use it as an excuse. Its something I have to work with/ or around, depending on circumstances.

Sincerely,
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06 Feb 2012, 9:27 pm

Hanotaux wrote:
I'm sure there is already a topic on this, but sometimes I feel like I use Aspergers as an excuse for life-failure.

I'm not sure if I'm a total failure in life, but what I mean is that I use Aspergers as an excuse for all sorts of things like not wanting to work and be productive and for dysfunction with my family............ stuff like that.

Instead of just shaping up and trying hard to succeed at different things in life, I just say "Aspergers" and hang my head down. Anytime I mess up, I just blame it on Aspergers, clumsiness, social-ineptness and all of that.


In a very small way using an ASD as an excuse makes it that little bit harder for everyone else who comes into contact with some jerk who thinks people on the spectrum are excuse making quitters.
I personally have worse things going on in my life than a possible ASD so by comparison AS gives me hope and explains so many things about myself that I used to wonder or worry about. Having a diagnosis one day would be nice once I get other stuff sorted but ideally it would have been nice to have one during school. I used to get told the same old crap by my parents and teachers every single year. You're smart but you waste it. Quiet and conscientious but needs to apply himself. I was even told I'm just bone lazy coz I only took an interest in things that switched my brain on. In the end I believed all this crap and to some degree took on a slacker persona. So AS is not my excuse, people not flagging something and getting me help is my excuse. I'm much better off now knowing all this. I am beginning a uni degree next month and I think I should do fine based on my experiences over the last couple of years of absorbing information that interests me.



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06 Feb 2012, 9:54 pm

Being a weakling got me out of cutting up my own food until I was 15.

And I still wish I had someone cut my steak for me. It's a task!


I do tend to avoid things that cause me trouble.



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06 Feb 2012, 9:58 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
When I do something wrong, I try harder and harder, until I get it right. I'm a fighter, and I want to show people, that I'm not the victim, that they want me to be.


:D



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06 Feb 2012, 10:32 pm

Dan_Undiagnosed wrote:

In a very small way using an ASD as an excuse makes it that little bit harder for everyone else who comes into contact with some jerk who thinks people on the spectrum are excuse making quitters.


Nah, jerks are jerks who will think that anyway. Someone who says "this is harder for me because I'm autistic" isn't going to change their mind for the worst.



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06 Feb 2012, 10:51 pm

The only time I would be making an excuse is when I don't do something I'm able to do. I've not been able like that in a long time because of a small window of motivation and focus and the medication give me even more and I don't want to waste that time I am on it. When I can do it I will do it.

Maybe if I was purposely rude and blamed it on autism. But most time I am apologising and saying I didn't realise.

If I didn't want to socialise and people said I was using with autism as a crutch so I didn't have to but really I'm thinking about the last horrible experience and not wanting to go throw it again. Though I will still socialise despite the same thing happening over and over again.

I gets sensory overload if I walk down my own street but I must still do it. No one else will buy groceries for me or make me exercise.

Working with severe sensory issues and a medication that is not always reliable and needing regular meals every couple of hours and a break much longer than five minutes...sounds like a nightmare. But I'm always free (not literally - I need to make some money) to take photos of local bands and artists. Still got sensory issues but with the right supports in place I may be ok.

That's why I want to be a writer. Low sensory environment, don't have to deal with a lot of people. Can eat whenever I choose to.


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06 Feb 2012, 11:20 pm

TBH, eating and peeing whenever I choose to, and sitting on a comfortable chair, has had to have a part in my own academic 'choices' (or - lack thereof),


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06 Feb 2012, 11:24 pm

Bun wrote:
TBH, eating and peeing whenever I choose to, and sitting on a comfortable chair, has had to have a part in my own academic 'choices' (or - lack thereof),

If that's sarcasm I don't understand why. I was talking about myself and my own executive dysfunction issues.


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06 Feb 2012, 11:29 pm

It's not. I should also add, I got sick a lot, and I like the privilege of not showing up when I'm sick. That used to worry me, but I 'get' how what I'm saying might not sound serious.


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28 May 2018, 4:55 pm

My ex is a prick and blamed his sh***y behavior on his diagnosis.
I sucked it up for a while.
Then I figured, that in actual fact he's just a selfish lazy liar.