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quaker
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19 Aug 2010, 2:22 am

I was wondering if people would like to share their experiences here of feeling alienated and also their experiences of loneliness?

I would be particularly interested in a metaphor or image that best conveys your experience of feeling on the 'wrong planet'

I have HFA and being an artist I am searching for inspiration to best convey my experiences of alienation and also reach out to others in the process.

Wishing you all well



Kai_Bliss
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19 Aug 2010, 2:33 am

I have always been lonely, but I've gotten used to it. I cycle in and out of depression and, I've been looking for a way out of it. I always come off weird and random, so I usually wasn't accepted into the, "norm." But to me, it has a good side, no drama with peers, and no, "omg preppy social life" that eventually comes crashing down.



ToughDiamond
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19 Aug 2010, 3:36 am

Glass wall.



AdmiralCrunch
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19 Aug 2010, 12:45 pm

Spending your birthday alone.


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DonDud
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19 Aug 2010, 1:02 pm

Every time I think I'm going to change my attitude toward meeting people, I never do. I try to be friendly with people, but hardly ever make friends. When I truly connect with people, it's a fantastic feeling. Fleeting encounters with people who share my interests become important memories to me, but I'm always so afraid to allow these scenarios to occur.

I wish for time to myself, but I also wish, for whenever it strikes me, that someone can be there.

Because of my own confusion, reluctance, and fears, I avoid the good for fear of the bad.



Electric_Spaghetti
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19 Aug 2010, 2:10 pm

AdmiralCrunch wrote:
Spending your birthday alone.


Giving up on birthdays altogether. What's the point?



buryuntime
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19 Aug 2010, 2:19 pm

Constant culture shock.



Dnuos
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19 Aug 2010, 2:26 pm

Electric_Spaghetti wrote:
AdmiralCrunch wrote:
Spending your birthday alone.


Giving up on birthdays altogether. What's the point?
Free Presents! But that's about it.

Yeah, the Alienation and Loneliness has definitely been a dominant theme in my life. I still don't feel like I belong in this world. I don't like the ADHD/Asperger's basket case misfit I was growing up. I was the optimistic, always smiling kid that always failed everywhere else. No one could put up with me, no one could stand me, no one would like me. There was only one person, one friend that actually liked me, and whenever we would hang out at his house, his neighbors, cousin, brother, and all his friends still made fun of me. (his parents didn't, though)

The only thing in school I was good at was getting good grades, straight A's, until I got to Middle School and depression reared it's head - my grades went down to D's for a while. (despite an above-average IQ) Eventually C's, then B's, but never back up to A's. I can't be like the other NT's that can get straight-A's, maintain a popular social life, be successful in sports/stuff, and be able to handle emotions well enough to not get ****ing depression. I couldn't do any single one of those, let alone all at the same time.

There have been times I doubt if I'm even a human like everyone else. That led to the Otherkin belief.

I'm relatively new to songwriting, so I'm still trying to figure out what mood to convey in writing music about this alienation. I've settled on melancholy, but trying to add some kind of out-of-world sense to it. Dunno how.



katzefrau
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19 Aug 2010, 2:41 pm

language barrier


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xemmaliex
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19 Aug 2010, 2:43 pm

people constantly claiming i am seriously weird... i laugh but its awful being told this over and over again... :roll:



DandelionFireworks
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19 Aug 2010, 6:16 pm

I'm not sure I understand what you mean.

It's the little things. You study psychology and you run into something like "all people are X." You are not X.

Or you read philosophy, and a great philosopher says "all people are Y" and this is taken as self-evident by everyone. You are not Y.

You look at someone and read their behavior as obviously indicating A. Everyone else reads the same signals as indicating B, which is the opposite of A.

People say you never stop grieving. The greatest loss (of a person) I've ever experienced was my grandfather. I loved him dearly. I was over it, completely over it, in a matter of days. No other loss (of a person) has taken nearly that long to get over.

At summer camp, church camp, we discussed loneliness and friendship. We were asked when we were most lonely. The others were surprised to hear the answer I thought quite reasonable, perhaps even too obvious and cliche. I said I was most lonely when I was with a group, all of whom were doing something I was not.

So as for the image, at the same camp, I was fourteen. It was a couple of days before that discussion. The other girls from my cabin sat on the "beach" by the lake, sunning themselves. They wanted to get tan. Even if that were something I did regularly and wanted to do, there wasn't room for me to lie there with them. They all looked just the same, like a set. Inherently alien from me.

There's more, but I think this suits what you want the best. Also, I wrote a poem once. I lost it, but I remember the beginning:
My heart finds no poetry here,
No muse to be seen in this light.
A bare world of little comfort
to dark thoughts come in the night.
Nothing real, nothing living
shall disturb these long-dead halls...

What spring to mind more readily for me, though, are images of reveling in solitude and calm, of being forced into painful contact, of connection. If you happen to want to do any of those...


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CockneyRebel
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19 Aug 2010, 6:24 pm

I'm alone a lot, but I don't feel lonely.


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clumsybee
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19 Aug 2010, 6:41 pm

It's like being a bubble boy. Most people just ignore or bully you and due to the bubble the person experiences alienation and loneliness.



DarthMetaKnight
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19 Aug 2010, 7:09 pm

It's like being in prison with you hands shackled behind your back and being fed lousy food. Also, the walls laugh.


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DandelionFireworks
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19 Aug 2010, 9:02 pm

DarthMetaKnight, you feel the walls laughing at you? That's very interesting.


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quaker
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20 Aug 2010, 1:37 am

Thank you everyone for yr thoughts and sharing yr feelings.

I had a dream recently where I landed on earth from a spaceship. I crept out looking for earthlings, hungry for connection, yet terrified at the same time.

My images that best convey for me my feelings of alienation are being lost in space.

When I was Dx with AS at the age of 40 i felt like I had come home, so to speak, however, four years on from this moment of enlightenment (being Dx AS) I feel at times that living here on earth, no longer insulated by denial or lack of acceptance of my difference is like living life on a strange planet without my spacesuit.

The more I accept my difference, the more I feel removed from the mainstream.

Iam also reminded of that character in greek mythology who lived in a barrell but could not position himself well enough to drink the water all around him......for me the aching for what I cannot quiter each
Is painful and at times deeply alienating.