Electric_Spaghetti wrote:
AdmiralCrunch wrote:
Spending your birthday alone.
Giving up on birthdays altogether. What's the point?
Free Presents! But that's about it.
Yeah, the Alienation and Loneliness has definitely been a dominant theme in my life. I still don't feel like I belong in this world. I don't like the ADHD/Asperger's basket case misfit I was growing up. I was the optimistic, always smiling kid that always failed everywhere else. No one could put up with me, no one could stand me, no one would like me. There was only one person, one friend that actually liked me, and whenever we would hang out at his house, his neighbors, cousin, brother, and all his friends still made fun of me. (his parents didn't, though)
The only thing in school I was good at was getting good grades, straight A's, until I got to Middle School and depression reared it's head - my grades went down to D's for a while. (despite an above-average IQ) Eventually C's, then B's, but never back up to A's. I can't be like the other NT's that can get straight-A's, maintain a popular social life, be successful in sports/stuff, and be able to handle emotions well enough to not get ****ing depression. I couldn't do any single one of those, let alone all at the same time.
There have been times I doubt if I'm even a human like everyone else. That led to the
Otherkin belief.
I'm relatively new to songwriting, so I'm still trying to figure out what mood to convey in writing music about this alienation. I've settled on melancholy, but trying to add some kind of out-of-world sense to it. Dunno how.