I need explanation for these NT things

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SteelMaiden
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23 Aug 2010, 2:31 pm

No. 1:
Mum and her friend had finished a meal and they were going to pay:
Mum: I'll pay
Friend: no, I'll pay
Mum: no, you don't have to, I'll pay
Friend: no, it's ok, don't worry, I'll pay

And so on.....WHY DON'T YOU PAY EACH FOR WHAT YOU'VE EATEN OR SPLIT THE COST???

No.2:
I was walking in Hyde Park in central London with my AS friend. We observed that all the people there reading, sunbathing or eating ice-cream or whatever were crowded into one piece of grass (these are people who are complete strangers to each other) and the other pieces of grass were completely empy and waiting for someone to sit there. Why do NTs like being in crowds?

Any answers would be appreciated.


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sacrip
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23 Aug 2010, 2:50 pm

1) Paying the bill at a restaurant can be a tricky social etiquette issue. In this case, both your mum and her friend either had expected, and were willing, to pay as a show of friendship and/or generosity, or at least one felt she was obligated to, for whatever reason. Money, or lack of it, is rarely an issue. Most NT's will usually have means to pay the entire bill if need be.

2) Not knowing the layout of the park, it's probably just that one part of the park is better than the other, either from exposure to the sun or view or what have you.


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buryuntime
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23 Aug 2010, 2:51 pm

SteelMaiden wrote:
No. 1:
Mum and her friend had finished a meal and they were going to pay:
Mum: I'll pay
Friend: no, I'll pay
Mum: no, you don't have to, I'll pay
Friend: no, it's ok, don't worry, I'll pay

And so on.....WHY DON'T YOU PAY EACH FOR WHAT YOU'VE EATEN OR SPLIT THE COST???

No.2:
I was walking in Hyde Park in central London with my AS friend. We observed that all the people there reading, sunbathing or eating ice-cream or whatever were crowded into one piece of grass (these are people who are complete strangers to each other) and the other pieces of grass were completely empy and waiting for someone to sit there. Why do NTs like being in crowds?

Any answers would be appreciated.

1. The point is not about being practical, it's about "courtesy" or something. The next time they do something together, the other person will pay most likely.
2. People like being around people, they don't have the sensory or social problems that make it unbearable?



SteelMaiden
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23 Aug 2010, 3:52 pm

Thank you. I also asked my Dad about no. 2 and he said people feel safer in groups - an evolutionary thing.


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hartzofspace
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23 Aug 2010, 4:24 pm

about the group in the park: I have seen similar phenomena on the bus. The whole bus will be empty, with the exception of the driver and myself, and a passenger will board, look around, and then come and sit right next to me! This annoys me no end.


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23 Aug 2010, 5:01 pm

hartzofspace wrote:
about the group in the park: I have seen similar phenomena on the bus. The whole bus will be empty, with the exception of the driver and myself, and a passenger will board, look around, and then come and sit right next to me! This annoys me no end.


I would sit next to a belly dancer too.... :wink:



happymusic
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23 Aug 2010, 6:29 pm

No. 1: This is a bizarre social game that I think is very silly - I mean how many times are you supposed to go on? Bleh. A few years back I started a new tactic. If someone does that to me I will decline once out of politeness. If they say it again I say thanks and offer to leave the tip. I think if someone starts that game they actually really want to pay or they wouldn't have said anything, so I let them. If in fact they didn't want to pay, well, next time they won't try that again. It really works like a charm.

No. 2: No idea. Complete mystery.



hartzofspace
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23 Aug 2010, 7:12 pm

Surfman wrote:
hartzofspace wrote:
about the group in the park: I have seen similar phenomena on the bus. The whole bus will be empty, with the exception of the driver and myself, and a passenger will board, look around, and then come and sit right next to me! This annoys me no end.


I would sit next to a belly dancer too.... :wink:

:lol:


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OddFiction
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23 Aug 2010, 7:35 pm

Number 1 has been answered better than I could
Number 2:

I believe the 'evolution - herding' answer was a good one.
Ever notice that if you're in a store with a million empty isles, people more often go down the aisles where other people are standing in the way? Bring a folding chair out one day and observe this. it's incredible.

My theory is that the people who all migrate to the same place are following a simple equation that somehow gets stuck in most peoples' wiring without them realizing it:

"Someone else is there (doing that), it must be good!"
Apply this solution logic to the following situations:
- Your park example
- My store aisle example
- The bus example (Hartz)
- Someone who mistresses to a married man (or woman)
- Someone who picks up the same soap or toilet paper you are selecting at the grocery store (though some people will choose differently, watch them when they do - they have a narcissistic "im better than you" attitude).
- Psychology studies where someone stops in the middle of the road to look at the sky, claims they see something, and others claim to have seen it too - even if it's not there. This has actually been demonstrated, believe it or not!
- Golf (okay just kidding)

But you get the idea... people often pick something because they see someone else picking it.



happymusic
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23 Aug 2010, 7:50 pm

OddFiction wrote:
"Someone else is there (doing that), it must be good!"
Apply this solution logic to the following situations:
- Your park example
- My store aisle example
- The bus example (Hartz)
- Someone who mistresses to a married man (or woman)
- Someone who picks up the same soap or toilet paper you are selecting at the grocery store (though some people will choose differently, watch them when they do - they have a narcissistic "im better than you" attitude).


LOL! That's like when I'm at the store by myself, apparently incapable of selecting what I need because I am overwhelmed by all the stuff. At a certain point when I realize I only have like two inedible products and a star fruit and it's been 20 minutes, I start copying other people's baskets. :lol:



OddFiction
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23 Aug 2010, 8:03 pm

Hehe... Well, it's a viable solution.
Just make sure you don't start carting off the husbands/wives too.

(While checking to make sure the food contains no MSG, make sure the human has no ring on the third left finger before making your approach :lol: )



happymusic
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23 Aug 2010, 8:12 pm

OddFiction wrote:
Hehe... Well, it's a viable solution.
Just make sure you don't start carting off the husbands/wives too.

(While checking to make sure the food contains no MSG, make sure the human has no ring on the third left finger before making your approach :lol: )


Haha! I do try to be subtle about it but I bet if anyone were paying attention they'd see right through it. Huh, I wonder if it's ever been mistaken for flirting. lol!



frag
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23 Aug 2010, 8:39 pm

I think 1 is about trapping. Treating someone to something gives you the upper hand. It's like you did a favor for them and they haven't yet paid you back. It give people a sense of having done more than their fair share, which gives them a feeling of safety.



happymusic
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23 Aug 2010, 8:45 pm

frag wrote:
I think 1 is about trapping. Treating someone to something gives you the upper hand. It's like you did a favor for them and they haven't yet paid you back. It give people a sense of having done more than their fair share, which gives them a feeling of safety.


And what if they die before you are able to return the favor? "That's a recipe for a ghost."



Blasty
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23 Aug 2010, 8:54 pm

Check etiquette is weird. I don't know the official rules, if any, but this is how it seems to work for me:

Friends: Everyone pays their share, or whoever pays gets paid back shortly.
Early Dating: The guy should always treat the girl.
Serious Relationship: We seem to take turns paying, figuring it evens out anyway.

For number two, I've noticed that as well. People generally like to be around other people. In public, when I'm trying to distance myself from them, someone always gravitates toward me. They are not interested in me; they just show up. Then someone else finds us, and so on. I know it's quite often a coincidence, but it happens too often for that to be the case all the time.



rmctagg09
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23 Aug 2010, 9:20 pm

1. It's a courtesy thing. With me it depends on who I'm with.

2. People generally enjoy the company of others. It also may subconsciously serve as a safety mechanism.