Do you always have to repeat yourself?



Page 1 of 2 [ 30 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

menintights
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: Aug 29, 2010
Posts: 895

30 Aug 2010, 5:39 am

It seems that every time I decide to speak up, a "what?" inevitably follows and I'd have to repeat myself and have a little "why did I bother?" moment going on. The thing is I don't know what the problem is. Is it (1) because I speak too low? (2) because I speak too fast? (3) because I have an accent? (4) because I just make no sense?, or (5) a combination of any of the above? (Although in any case, I always end up feeling self-conscious about my accent and the fact that I don't look like a native-born citizen (i.e., a normal person).)

Anyone have a similar problem? Suggestions?



Aimless
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Apr 01, 2009
Posts: 8190

30 Aug 2010, 6:05 am

I used to have a big problem with mumbling and not being able to project my voice so people could hear me. It made a lot of people really frustrated with me. Strangely after I was diagnosed with chronic depression and medicated at age 35, I stopped having problems. I think I was subconsciously keeping my voice low because it made me anxious to think anyone could overhear me besides the person I was speaking to. Now, sometimes my voice comes out too loud. I'm wondering if you are mistakenly assuming the other person can hear you just because you can hear yourself.



Keith
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Aug 12, 2008
Posts: 2595
Location: East Sussex, UK

30 Aug 2010, 6:41 am

I always got this until I decided to do something about it. Wait for their attention, when they ask me to repeat, I wait a few seconds because people do ask you to repeat and as soon as you start, they then "hear"what you said the first time



Celoneth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: Mar 27, 2010
Posts: 526

30 Aug 2010, 6:49 am

I'm always repeating myself, it's very annoying - I think I either talk too quietly or at the wrong moments or everyone around me is distracted - I wait until it's my turn to speak but I still get it.



mgran
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: May 22, 2009
Posts: 1864

30 Aug 2010, 6:50 am

I used to get this a lot, and in my case it was an odd accent, combined with speaking far too fast, and jumbling up my ideas. Grammatically I would be perfectly correct, but people aren't used to three or four clauses in a spoken sentence. And that would sometimes be the minimum.

Since I've been on medication people are understanding me far better, and I'm able to slow down my train of thought and recognise when I'm about to "go off on one."

You didn't say whereabouts you are from originally, or where you live? I'm also a "foriegner" as it were, but I'm the same colour as everyone else, so as long as I keep my gob shut I'm okay.



Keith
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Aug 12, 2008
Posts: 2595
Location: East Sussex, UK

30 Aug 2010, 7:51 am

Maybe they aren't used to proper English? When I say that I mean for your area - of course :)



thegreatpretender
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: May 20, 2009
Posts: 51
Location: London, UK, World

30 Aug 2010, 9:12 am

Aimless wrote:
I think I was subconsciously keeping my voice low because it made me anxious to think anyone could overhear me besides the person I was speaking to.


That is interesting: I have exactly the same behavior. I usually tend to speak clear enough so the person I am talking to can understand me, but mumble enough so people a bit further do not. I hate the idea of people external to the conversation listening to what I say.

I guess in many cases the lack of appropriate/expected body language may impede communication. People may not be expecting you to talk and be unprepared to listen because you did not "look" like you were about to talk.

Body language is definitely important in communication. I recently had a funny incident at work, where I very clearly told colleagues that something needed to be done urgently, but because I did not "look" like it was urgent, they assumed otherwise, based on my body language. Funny..



Darklinggirl
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: Jul 24, 2010
Posts: 44

30 Aug 2010, 11:05 am

I am always having to repeat myself. However on reflection I noticed that this was only in connection to my interractions with men. How odd..... :roll:



clumsybee
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: May 22, 2010
Posts: 398
Location: Syracuse, NY

30 Aug 2010, 3:00 pm

Yes, I usually repeat myself around my family... they've gone to too many NASCAR and dirt track races, so they have some hearing loss. Around others I normally don't have to unless it's a really loud environment that I'm stuck in.



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Jul 17, 2004
Posts: 91554
Location: In a quiet and peaceful garden, where gentle Mick Avory-like Sweet Peas grow.

30 Aug 2010, 3:33 pm

I always have to repeat myself, and I know that it's because of my accent, which I do not wish to lose.


_________________
The darling, unworldly Mick Avory with hands like shovels, who wouldn't dare choose to hurt a soul: I'm the cuddly, adorable Kink. Sweet Peas: http://s76.photobucket.com/albums/j37/C ... 20Smileys/ Blog: http://ramblingsofasuccessfula


menintights
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: Aug 29, 2010
Posts: 895

30 Aug 2010, 5:41 pm

Aimless wrote:
I used to have a big problem with mumbling and not being able to project my voice so people could hear me. It made a lot of people really frustrated with me. Strangely after I was diagnosed with chronic depression and medicated at age 35, I stopped having problems. I think I was subconsciously keeping my voice low because it made me anxious to think anyone could overhear me besides the person I was speaking to. Now, sometimes my voice comes out too loud. I'm wondering if you are mistakenly assuming the other person can hear you just because you can hear yourself.


So how did you learn to project your voice correctly? Every time I try to "speak up," I end up yelling, which just makes me sound like an idiot. I'm so jealous of people who can speak loud enough even on the freeway.

And yeah, I also tend to lower my voice in case it's too loud and everyone else can hear me.

Keith wrote:
Wait for their attention, when they ask me to repeat, I wait a few seconds because people do ask you to repeat and as soon as you start, they then "hear"what you said the first time


I've tried that, but I think it just makes me look like I'm lacking confidence? (Since I have to wait for them instead of calling for their attention myself.)

mgran wrote:
You didn't say whereabouts you are from originally, or where you live? I'm also a "foriegner" as it were, but I'm the same colour as everyone else, so as long as I keep my gob shut I'm okay.


I'm from Southeast Asia, currently reside in California (have been for 10+ years). I think I also look okay when I'm not saying anything (I've been approached by people who mistakenly thought I was normal, nice, friendly, etc.), it's when I have to repeat myself do I start feeling hyper conscious about not being/looking "native." (And of course, I tend to become so nervous when I have to repeat myself that I start butchering my grammar and pronouncing everything wrong.)

What medication did you take?

thegreatpretender wrote:
Body language is definitely important in communication. I recently had a funny incident at work, where I very clearly told colleagues that something needed to be done urgently, but because I did not "look" like it was urgent, they assumed otherwise, based on my body language. Funny..


You just gave me an idea... thanks! :D

CockneyRebel wrote:
I always have to repeat myself, and I know that it's because of my accent, which I do not wish to lose.


Yes, well, if I had a Cockney accent I probably wouldn't want to lose it either. What I've noticed is accents that originate in a white-dominated country tend to be "cute" or "sexy." Accents from the rest of the world? Not so much.



Aimless
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Apr 01, 2009
Posts: 8190

30 Aug 2010, 6:04 pm

@menintights

I don't know. I didn't consciously do anything. I also stopped getting the "what's wrong?" and "why do you look so angry?" comments, even though technically I was still walking around with no expression. I found that the antidepressants helped me with more than just the depression. As far as speaking louder I think I just began speaking more confidently and the idea that someone outside the conversation might hear me became much less stressful.



vikingsteve
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: Aug 30, 2010
Posts: 23

31 Aug 2010, 12:06 pm

Happens to me all the time. I don't think people are able to understand me because I don't like to speak loudly, mainly because I feel I really do not need to. Sometimes they say I am mumbling, but I know I'm not. They're just not listening correctly.



Asp-Z
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Dec 06, 2009
Posts: 11016

31 Aug 2010, 12:17 pm

I get this a lot from my mum. Not usually from anyone else, mostly just my mum. She then says I'm the one with the problem. :roll:



mgran
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: May 22, 2009
Posts: 1864

31 Aug 2010, 1:45 pm

menintights wrote:
mgran wrote:
You didn't say whereabouts you are from originally, or where you live? I'm also a "foriegner" as it were, but I'm the same colour as everyone else, so as long as I keep my gob shut I'm okay.


I'm from Southeast Asia, currently reside in California (have been for 10+ years). I think I also look okay when I'm not saying anything (I've been approached by people who mistakenly thought I was normal, nice, friendly, etc.), it's when I have to repeat myself do I start feeling hyper conscious about not being/looking "native." (And of course, I tend to become so nervous when I have to repeat myself that I start butchering my grammar and pronouncing everything wrong.)

What medication did you take?
I take quetiapine (an anti psychotic) and lamotrigine (a mood stabiliser) for bipolar issues. I've recently had my medication changed, but I'm still thinking more clearly than six months ago.



Display posts from previous:  Sort by  


Page 1 of 2 [ 30 posts ] Go to page 1, 2  Next




You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum
Jump to: