I'm going to kill myself in a couple of hours.
I know this isnt the thread to talk about this but i'll be that guy. It isnt a temporary problem when the only thing you crave noone has found ever. All i want is a good enough reason to say you know what, f**k it that seems good enough to deal with sh** for. I havent found this and am 100% sure i wont. Im letting my current psychiatrist the last chance to let me find this or im outta here.
I can't exactly judge you for that sort of thinking, since I've been in a similar place before. And generally I don't especially prefer life over death, I just tolerate it. However, it's never been hard for me to find a reason to live; every day I woke up lacking one, I ended up finding one anyway. But maybe it was just the wanting it that made the difference.
I really don't know what to tell you, as many others have urged you not to go ahead with suicide. If you're just looking for someone to talk to, even if it's to complain about anything and everything, it would be best to do this. Sometimes we just need to get things off our chest and to know that someone cares even if it's just for a little while. If you can't find anyone to share your thoughts with in your life, share it with us on the Haven, and if you don't want to share it with the general population find someone you trust or are close with and PM or email them. You can even drop me a PM if you like.
There is always a chance that in time things will improve and maybe turn the full 180 degrees, for good. But if you do this, you will never know, so please don't. You're hurting yourself more if you do this. To be hurt by others is tough, but to hurt yourself is worst. Please hang in there...
This is probably going to sound super, amazingly offensive. I will try to keep it as cordial as possible, but I have to be honest.
I can understand you're crying out for some kind of help. I don't know what you wanted to achieve by posting this here, and ignoring everyone's pleas, except to attract attention. If that's the case, I find this extremely offensive. My friend Karen killed herself my senior year, hanged herself with a pair of jumper cables in the woods when she was supposed to be at soccer practice. She was the last person we would have imagined to do something like that. She was outwardly happy, but obviously inside she was a torrent of anger and frustration and loneliness and despair. She was Catholic. They didn't even bury her in the cemetery because they believed she was going to hell.
The problem here is that you're advertising it. You're telling people how you're going to kill yourself and when, to attract attention to your problem. You're wearing a big neon sign that's flashing I'M GOING TO THREATEN TO KILL MYSELF SO SOMEONE PAYS ATTENTION TO ME FINALLY. Well quit it. It's offensive.
I'm not encouraging people to stay quiet about suicide and just do it, but you need to talk to someone who can actually help you if you're going to ignore peoples' pleas for you to not do it. You need to talk to people about *what* you're feeling and *why*, but don't advertise you're going to kill yourself to them like that. People may plead with you, but if they're having the same reaction I am to reading what you're typing, I'm utterly disgusted at hearing you advertise you're going to 'take a bunch of sleeping pills and fall asleep on the train tracks'. That's not a way to make people care, especially if you ignore their help.
Grow up kid. There are plenty of other women in the world and none of them are worth killing yourself over. Stop whining and feeling sorry for yourself and move on.
I can't undertow this just because a bunch of people I don't know, who don't know me, told me to. There's just things that hurt to keep in your skull, so I soppose posting this was some kind of release... I can't kid myself into thinking someone will give me the answer of life. I mean no offence.
I'm being selfish, I know, and that's why I made a promise to myself that I'll never tell anyone who know me. I'm not a simple minded whinning little kid, all I want is a cure to my problem.
conundrum
Veteran
Joined: 25 May 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,922
Location: third rock from one of many suns
Hi robo37,
I read your post, and all of the other posts, and here's what I have to say: I think this is about more than just what happened with that girl (and I completely agree with all the posters who said that it is NOT worth killing yourself over that)--it sounds like the "last straw" in a series of painful incidents from your still-short life.
Emphasis on the "still-short" part. I contemplated suicide as early as age 10, and I'm glad I didn't do it.
That's right: no one can give you the answer of life because there IS no ONE answer of life--everyone has to find their own, but they don't have to do it by themselves.
Maybe this was a "release," maybe in part a genuine cry for help. Being in pain can make it difficult to see when that help is being offered, and even more difficult to have the courage to reach out and accept it--because that means enduring the pain a little longer in order to get through it.
Then you need to define your "problem" more concretely. I mean that. I mean EVERYTHING. Start talking, from the beginning--this has to go back further than what you described in your original post.
Do it here, or send me a PM. Just don't give up yet. I've found that you really never know what's waiting for you around the next corner. If I had ended it all when I first started thinking about it, there's a lot I would have missed out on.
I hope to hear from you soon. Take care.
_________________
The existence of the leader who is wise
is barely known to those he leads.
He acts without unnecessary speech,
so that the people say,
'It happened of its own accord.' -Tao Te Ching, Verse 17
The problem isn't you sharing your feelings, it's abusing a community by exposing them to something as morbid as describing how you're going to die just because you don't know them--- you're still a human being.
That being said, I contemplated suicide a lot as a kid. I tried it only twice--- once when I was about twelve, when I tore my arm open with a boxcutter (68 slashes, still have scars). Never cut myself on purpose again after that. I had to stop the bleeding myself after I panicked and wore long sleeves all summer afterward, all the way until summer the next year so my father wouldn't see. I rewore a particular hoodie probably every day. I tried it again while dating someone when I was like fifteen when I took a bunch of pills with a bottle of vodka and passed out on the floor. Thankfully I woke up.
As the above poster mentioned, though I thought of it, I'm glad I didn't succeed.
underink, i know what you mean.
a while back a friend of mine shot himself at a party.
you would never think things like that happen...
i have to agree with you. OP, please understand that if you are serious, dont do it, someone out there cares, and if you arent, dont say anything.
What a mess.
Things could have been so differnent, I could have been so happy, but now there is actually nothing.
It's good nothing did happen with Anna. It's the best for her. She deserves more. "You could have it all... my empire of dirt. I will let you down. I will make you hurt."
Anyway, I've got the pills, and am going to kill myself tonight instead, now that the first week of college is over. Things have gone on for too long.
Tollorin
Veteran
Joined: 14 Jun 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,178
Location: Sherbrooke, Québec, Canada
Tollorin
Veteran
Joined: 14 Jun 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,178
Location: Sherbrooke, Québec, Canada
If it's about love it's gonna pass. In someone is in love the brain produce some chemical substance that give euphoria, when the love is "break' the brain stop making them and come a down from be abdicted to it. With time the abdiction will be gone.
Also, don't think you will feeling good from taking drugs to kill you. Overdose is said to be very unpleasant.
_________________
Down with speculators!! !
You WILL feel much better robo37. I don't even know you but I have faith in you. Humans are strong and you no exception to that - you are strong, and pain will go.
*Hug*
I have faith in your abilities to feel happy and well. ^^
Take care of yourself robo37, and realize that we all care about you. ^^
_________________
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
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