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Why do people rush into relationships?

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Pandoran-March
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06 Sep 2010, 5:30 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
I knew on my first date that I was going to marry my husband someday.

I guess, some people trust that instinct and are willing to run with it.

Me; not so much. I wanted to check for all the hidden skeletons before making it "final." I spent 2 1/2 years in that process, from first date to "I do."

But, still, I really did know. Perhaps we could have rushed it all and come out just fine; it's not like taking our time changed the end result.

So ... I think it comes down to each person's willingness to accept certain risks, and confidence in their instincts. Plus, maybe if other factors exist to push the time line.

It's also a factor of whether they're actually willing to do what it takes to make a marriage work. If you felt strongly enough to get married, then it's automatic that you've got chemistry.

The rest is just maintaining that chemistry and not destroying the relationship. If you've got two genuinely good people who really want to make things work, it'll work.

Chemistry doesn't vanish. People just hide who they are and change. Rushing into a marriage you really need to be cautious of shady people. Some people lie through their teeth and you'll never know.


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DW_a_mom
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06 Sep 2010, 5:39 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
"my life is meaningless and worthless if I don't have him/her".


That is kind of a lust phrase, to me. It reeks of need, instead of destiny. Does that make any sense? You shouldn't need the person you are going to share a life with; you should feel like life is simply better with them in it.

The way one thinks of the right person is so much more calm, less dramatic. I knew after my sister's first date she was going to marry the guy, based on the way she talked about him. Gone was all the obsessing from her past relationships about "will he call," "what is he thinking," etc.; instead, she just glowed and said, "he is so easy to be with!"

Similar when an office mate came back from her first date with her future husband.

Everyone is different, of course, but ...


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happymusic
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06 Sep 2010, 6:47 pm

Come to think of it, my mom and stepdad were married 6 weeks after they met. He proposed to her the 3rd week because he said he knew she was the one and that he'd loved her his whole life and had finally found her. She turned him down but then a couple of weeks later said yes. They've been together for 26 years and are still a model couple. So, I suppose there are all kinds of reasons. Some people just know.



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06 Sep 2010, 6:59 pm

When my husband first met me, he fell in love with me and wanted to marry me and knew we would get married and have kids.

We were living together within three months. I could have married him a lot sooner, maybe getting engaged within a month.

One of my old friends from elementary school met her husband and they married 8 months later.