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Chronos
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07 Sep 2010, 2:18 am

girlie wrote:
I have other people in my life I can talk to who know my husband and are actually more supportive of the idea of him getthing therapy for AS (hmm) but I was also hoping to find a support group here as well. If not, that's unfortunate.

I do feel like, except for a select few, that I am being turned away. "Turning me away" refers to basically saying "come back when you get him diagnosed"--And I would have waited until then, except, I was under the impression that it was valid to posts possible concerns about AS here as well. As I said, I have also read countless posts before posting this one where other OPs would say: "I didn't think I had AS, because I am a very social person who looks people in the eye" That lead me to think I would be welcome here--esp. after I was welcomed at the getting to know you board...


Now I am perplexed as to why you feel you are being turned away, as I offered you some advice to address the issue I knew how to address. In your original post, while you did describe someone who might very well have AS, you also described someone who may not really have AS and have some other issues going on, and your description of your husband put my understanding of him in a grey area, where it would not have been right for me to say that I thought he had AS, or that he didn't.

It's possible he could simply be suffering from depression, or one of the many other syndromes, disorders, and so on which might cause such behavior. It might be that he simply isn't happy in the relationship, and for all of these reasons, I recommended marriage counseling.

And prior to that, I addressed issues which I knew how to address directly.

So I do not know how that is not support, as you presented a problem and I presented to the best of my ability insight and potential solutions.



BTDT
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07 Sep 2010, 5:42 am

Apies tend to be much more exacting in our analysis and discussion--this it can take us an hour to answer something that a normal person would answer in 2 minutes.

Unfortunately, the diagnostic criteria is actually a lousy way to diagnose Asperger's. It would be much better to base a diagnoses on how we think and react to situations. For instance, rather than respond with empathy to your situation, as most NTs would do, our minds immediately start analyzing the clues you present, just like Sherlock Holmes! That wasn't a flippant question, it was an honest attempt to better understand the situation at hand. My wife has learned that when she gives me construction job--I'll spend at least 15 minutes figuring out how to do it. But, if she leaves me alone and doesn't rush me, it will also go according to plan!

We never turn into Aspies--we have always been that way.

We can be quite social--but real friends are often few and far between.

The stresses of marriage can easily result in behaviors that appear "Asperger-like."

This place is aptly named "wrong planet"--it is a haven for Aspies, which means that we often appear strange to NTs. If we responded properly to NTs we wouldn't be Aspies. Most of use have great difficulty with non-verbal clues, which are the key to learning how to respond in social settings. But, it is really a spectrum of disability, just as the color pink can really vary--which is why you don't want to tell you husband to buy you a can of pink paint for your bedroom.

For instance, I finally placed an order yesterday at Burger King and by waiting for eye contact, none of us got frustrated and I got exactly what I wanted! This is the stuff Aspies need to learn that seems to come automatically to NTs. Coaching certainly helps, if we can get it.

On weekends we generally try to do fun things together--go a beach, museum, or great place to eat every weekend.