Feeling like you have to be self-sufficient in everything



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takemitsu
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17 Sep 2010, 9:55 pm

For as long as I can know, I've always wanted to be self-sufficient in most things I partake in. An analogy would be to grow my own tree, cut it down, carve it into a canoe and row in some body of water. It's not possible to be that sufficient in everything, but still I try to do what I can. Lately, instead of buying frozen food, or already prepared food, I've been cooking my own food from scratch. Today I did clam bisque and I actually bought a dozen clams, frozen them and shucked them.

Also, I went fishing, but I had to pick up a new rod, because my last one broke. I wasn't satisfied with picking up one that was put together already with the string already wound up in it, but I got each part separately, so I could get exposed to more of the ins-and-outs of the reel, which wasn't really much, except for the installation of the line, and for that I learned how to tie a slipknot.

I don't' like a lot of clothes that is sold, I feel like a tool in most clothes. I have an urge to make my own, but I lack the equipment (and know-how) but it still bothers me, because I know I could pick it up if I really wanted to.

The point is, there's a lot of things I feel that way about, and I know it's impossible to do it all. But I'd like to talk about the reason I'm compelled to do things the hard way. My parents seemed to be bad about letting my experiment or explore my environment. When I have a problem and I might ask them for advice, it turns into them trying to take over the problem for them to look at it and fix it, while I just stand in the background. I get very angry to this day for them doing this, and they still do it. I feel like I couldn't accomplish anything, because they took over many of my problems, leaving me with no really accomplishments. I've tried to reason with them about it, but they are extremely thick and it's really beyond their grasp. All it does it stir up anger, and I certainly does in me, you could say it has stirred up A LOT of anger in me. And for this reason, I don't feel confident in knowing who I am, half the time I do get very frustrated with trying to do something new, because I associate the anger so closely with trying to accomplish something, and when it comes out, it all comes out. In the back of my mind, I feel like everything I do is a desperate attempt to compensate for everything I didn't accomplish when I was younger, but everything I do will never be enough.

So the point of me posting this is to see if this resonant with anyone here, or is this kind of unique to me?


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17 Sep 2010, 11:12 pm

I can relate to your wanting to be self sufficient in the things you enjoy. I have built my own guitars, amplifiers, radios, and test equipment (not from kits) I raise chickens, grow gardens and cook from scratch. I can't really enjoy something If I cant break it down to its most basic level and build it back up.
I bought an amplifier recently because I needed one quickly. It sounds nice and is fine, but I think I'll build another one and sell this one. It bugs me that I did not build it.
I'm trying to work on this because there are lots of times it's just not practical.

The reason I do it? Because I enjoy it and its very empowering. Do you enjoy it?

As far as the thing with your parent's. The only thing I have similar is my dad has this thing with me using power tools. My dad is real handy with stuff so he always has tools around. But when I was at home and tried to build something he would be. "let me do it". Wich was annoying because it wasn't that I wanted it done' I wanted to do it. He was just worried about me. It backfired on him though, because when I moved out and got a good job I bought almost every tool known to man. And because he never let me practice at home or show me how to do it right, I nearly killed or injured myself on many occasions.



CockneyRebel
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18 Sep 2010, 12:04 am

There was a time that I felt that way. If only I could be perfect in everything that I do, than people would see me as the intelligent person, that I am. I know that it isn't feasible, now.

For me, that even escalated to, "If I got myself a pair of horn rimmed glasses, than everybody would see me as the intelligent person, that I am."


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Taupey
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18 Sep 2010, 1:42 am

Oh I know what you're talking about and I hate when someone does that.

I would love to live off the grid and be as self sufficient as possible. I began to learn to sew by hand and with a machine at a very early age. So I have made my own clothes. I would rather make my own clothes because I can make what I actually want. I love gardening, camping, fishing. It would be great to build my own cabin/cottage. I've had chickens and goats both.

It's alot of work doing everything for yourself. But doing it myself makes me feel great. :)

btw The clam bisque sounds wonderful. I collected clams with one of my grandmother's on a rocky beach we were camping on in Mexico many ago and we made chowder. We had so much fun, it was great! :D


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Callista
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18 Sep 2010, 2:45 am

I am still learning to be self-sufficient in areas that most people my age were self-sufficient by their late teens...

But yes. I do like doing things for myself--doing my own repairs, sewing my own clothing, taking care of things by myself. I like walking somewhere much better than being driven or riding a bus. I'll try to solve problems myself before I ask for help. And I do have some "primitive" type skills; I can mend, sew, and crochet; I can grow a garden and preserve the food; I can find my way with a map and a compass; I can do basic first aid and take care of minor medical problems (and tell the difference when something is major); and I can pack a backpack with supplies I need for several days (unless it's very cold or there's no usable water to be had, in which case things get more complicated.) I'm resourceful generally.

On the other hand, there are some things that I really do need help with, and many of them are things that are expected of typical people long before they get to be my age. I think that being interdependent is the best choice; I have skills I can contribute, and where I'm lacking, others contribute their skills to help me.


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drown_my_sense_is
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18 Sep 2010, 4:07 am

I can identify. I want to have my own farm, could have the land next to the city and be out their system and into another. I am highly interested into making my own clothes eventually. If anyone knows an easy link or anything please pass it on, I could pass a link on true Law, what I know of.


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ruveyn
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18 Sep 2010, 4:36 am

It is impossible to be self sufficient in everything. That is why we have specialization of labor.

ruveyn



ScottyN
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18 Sep 2010, 4:50 am

ruveyn wrote "It is impossible to be self sufficient at everything, thats why we have specialization of labor''.

The point. I learned this the hard way, too late. For years I have tried to do everything myself. It has led to frustration and exhaustion. Let others do certain things for you in your life. You will discover that they tend to be as competent as you are at getting things done right, and it won't be another item on your long "To do list".



Severus
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18 Sep 2010, 8:24 am

I have always liked the idea of being self-sufficient. I learned to care about myself at about age 5 (preparing food, doing laundry, cleaning up, even darning my own socks, etc.) while living with my - quite normal at the time - family.
As a result I was completely prepared for married life in almost every aspect - apart from the fact that except exemplary cooking and cleaning skills, a marriage needed people to understand and respect each other's feelings, to compromise, to forgive and forget, to talk and share, etc. Still struggling with all that.
But I digress. I run my own errands, fix my own computers, replace my own lightbulbs and cables, manage my own directions in strange cities and if I need to understand something written in foreign language, I'd rather learn the language than ask somebody who knows.
Which is, I suppose, very wrong.



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18 Sep 2010, 5:25 pm

Severus wrote:
I have always liked the idea of being self-sufficient. I learned to care about myself at about age 5 (preparing food, doing laundry, cleaning up, even darning my own socks, etc.) while living with my - quite normal at the time - family.
As a result I was completely prepared for married life in almost every aspect - apart from the fact that except exemplary cooking and cleaning skills, a marriage needed people to understand and respect each other's feelings, to compromise, to forgive and forget, to talk and share, etc. Still struggling with all that.
But I digress. I run my own errands, fix my own computers, replace my own lightbulbs and cables, manage my own directions in strange cities and if I need to understand something written in foreign language, I'd rather learn the language than ask somebody who knows.
Which is, I suppose, very wrong.


I don't believe that it's very wrong to learn a foreign language that way. Actually that sounds like a great way to learn it. Also no one told me a marriage needed people to understand and respect each other's feelings, to compromise, to forgive and forget, to talk and share, etc, either. None of us are perfect. I believe at least trying counts for something. :sunny:


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Your Aspie score: 167 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 35 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie.


Severus
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19 Sep 2010, 5:49 am

Taupey wrote:
Also no one told me a marriage needed people to understand and respect each other's feelings, to compromise, to forgive and forget, to talk and share, etc, either. None of us are perfect. I believe at least trying counts for something. :sunny:


Yay, that's good news :lol:



zer0netgain
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19 Sep 2010, 1:34 pm

As I'm into survivalism, I feel a need to be as self-sufficient as possible.

I reject the notion that I should expect someone else to take care of my needs. Other people are not reliable.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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19 Sep 2010, 1:44 pm

I have a problem with wanting to do things myself. I tend to want others to do things for me. I don't know why that is. I realize it's better to be self sufficient whenever possible and I am in a lot of ways, but if someone gave me a choice, I would be delegating tasks like mad. It's funner to be the boss than the lackey.
I wish I had more drive to do things on my own.



Severus
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28 Sep 2010, 6:39 am

zer0netgain wrote:
As I'm into survivalism, I feel a need to be as self-sufficient as possible.

I reject the notion that I should expect someone else to take care of my needs. Other people are not reliable.


Ahh, zer0netgain, I am irresistibly reminded of a piece of dialogue from one of my favourite TV series, Blake's 7:

VILA: Blake, this is Kerr Avon. When it comes to computers, he's the number two man in all the Federated worlds.
NOVA Who's number one?
VILA: The guy who caught him. [To Avon] You've got nothing to be ashamed of. D'you know, he came close to stealing five million credits out of the Federation Banking System.
BLAKE What went wrong?
AVON I relied on other people.



zer0netgain
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28 Sep 2010, 6:47 am

Severus wrote:
zer0netgain wrote:
As I'm into survivalism, I feel a need to be as self-sufficient as possible.

I reject the notion that I should expect someone else to take care of my needs. Other people are not reliable.


Ahh, zer0netgain, I am irresistibly reminded of a piece of dialogue from one of my favourite TV series, Blake's 7:

VILA: Blake, this is Kerr Avon. When it comes to computers, he's the number two man in all the Federated worlds.
NOVA Who's number one?
VILA: The guy who caught him. [To Avon] You've got nothing to be ashamed of. D'you know, he came close to stealing five million credits out of the Federation Banking System.
BLAKE What went wrong?
AVON I relied on other people.


That show was great on so many levels....so what if it had cheesy special effects. 8)



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