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Science_Guy
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17 Oct 2010, 6:08 pm

Yes, you're way too sensitive. If any of those things happened to me I'd just shrug and not care because I find that most people aren't worth talking to/knowing. Maybe you should be like me and not care about people.



nintendogurl1990
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17 Oct 2010, 10:55 pm

I'm going through the same thing right now (well, at least something similar). I kept asking why one of my friends kept ignoring me until she finally blocked me on Facebook. I was really hurt and even cried a little because I had no idea what I had done wrong until she told me that I was "forcing a friendship" on her. I know it's never a good idea to be too attached to other people. Thing is, I don't realize that I'm doing it until it's too late. :( *sighs* I just wish someone could help me not to annoy other people so much.



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18 Oct 2010, 12:06 am

I used to call my friend(s) a lot because I wanted to hang out. When they didn't pick up, just because they were busy or not by their phone or whatever, I would instantly try calling again. Over time, some of these friends stopped hanging out with me or just stopped returning my calls altogether. Later I learned that they thought it was weird/annoying to be receiving so many calls when it would be logical for me to just wait for them to call me back after they had seen I had called the once. Naturally, I try not to act this way anymore. It's understandable; I think a lot of people just don't like the feeling of somebody else seeming over-eager to please, or "trying" too hard to get a hold of them. Everyone wants a little room to breathe I guess.



anneurysm
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18 Oct 2010, 2:18 am

Heliobacter20 wrote:
You sound very much like me at your age. You are coming accross as too eager likely, and that always throws people. You have to be a bit more low key and casual when you approach people. I had a lot of problems with people finding me too forward and avoiding me afterward. I'm still not sure of all the reasoning and I still do it sometimes. I know I have found that people who *really* want to be my friend set off this subliminal alarm that makes me want to run. Most people aren't going to second guess that feeling when they get it from someone, they are very much like animals in that they trust their instinct and are very difficult to win over once they've been spooked.
Sorry I don't have more/better answers for you, this is something I battle with myself.


This. Definitely.

Your interaction style could be described as very enthusiastic and forward. It's also because you're also outgoing and eager to share ideas, but it is the sort of thing that would throw most people off guard. To be honest, that's what it did to me when I first met you, and of course, my subliminal alarm bells went off...but remembering that you had AS and also that you simply were really wanting to share some things with me, I decided to let it go and not take it personally.

I was wondering why you were no longer on facebook, now I know. And believe me, you are NOT the only one who does the checking thing. I do it so much that it makes me sick.

As for that girl that you previously had contact with, I think I saw a topic a little while ago that you posted about her and was curious as to what went on. My mom always says that when I get obsessed with social situations the best thing in order to relieve them is closure: so basically knowing answers as to why an event occurred with someone, or else I'll keep obsessing about it. Getting closure and just knowing where I stand with someone I'm having issues with has always pulled a huge burden off my shoulders. A possible option is to always have me contact her and ask her about it if you're not comfortable doing so.


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Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.

This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term psychiatrists - that I am a highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder

My diagnoses - anxiety disorder, depression and traits of obsessive-compulsive disorder (all in remission).

I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.


zen_mistress
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18 Oct 2010, 2:59 am

Its possible that people seem, in my mind, to like it better when people dont like them.

People seem to be intrigued with people who are distant/offhand to them ("Why dont they like me?") whereas if you look like you like them they often think "Who is this person? They seem to like me a bit too much."

Perhaps they are like Groucho Marx and dont want to be in a club that will accept them as a member.

Anyway it is human nature, best to remember that and dont be too enthusiastic and forward with people, hold back a little.

I watch a lot of DVDs to get a sort of "social fix" anyway, people dont tend to be a reliable source of social contact for me.


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livinglearning
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19 Oct 2010, 2:45 pm

Heliobacter20 wrote:
You sound very much like me at your age. You are coming accross as too eager likely, and that always throws people. You have to be a bit more low key and casual when you approach people. I had a lot of problems with people finding me too forward and avoiding me afterward. I'm still not sure of all the reasoning and I still do it sometimes. I know I have found that people who *really* want to be my friend set off this subliminal alarm that makes me want to run. Most people aren't going to second guess that feeling when they get it from someone, they are very much like animals in that they trust their instinct and are very difficult to win over once they've been spooked.
Sorry I don't have more/better answers for you, this is something I battle with myself.


I used to be like mathgirl, and I guess I'm still a lot like that. Wow, I love this explanation! It makes perfect sense... so many wasted opportunities... Especially regarding romantic interests. It's really hard to get over it.



CockneyRebel
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19 Oct 2010, 3:48 pm

I get ignored but for different reasons. People aren't willing to talk to someone with an accent, but I'm not changing my exit for anybody.


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angelbear
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19 Oct 2010, 4:10 pm

As far as the Facebook thing goes, you are not the only one who wonders why people don't respond. Even though I am NT, I do have a son who is AS, and I do think maybe he gets some of his obsessiveness from me. I have always tended to obsess over people and wonder why they did not respond to me the way I had hoped (mostly romantic interests!) But recently, since I have gotten on FB, there was one friend from my past that I found out was living in the same city as I am. I sent her a friend request, and she accepted. On 2 different ocassions, I suggested that we meet up to catch up on old times, and she totally ignored it. As far as I know, we got along fairly well in the past, and I don't think I ever did anything to make here think I was stalking her LOL! I am now 45 yrs old, so I really do not have the time to stress out about this anymore. Now I can just blow it off and move on with my life. But in my younger years, I would have been very upset about this. I just think that everyone has agendas as to who they want to have a relationship with, and you just haven't found the right match. I do agree that maybe you should try not to seem over eager, because that may creep some people out. Just try to have a more confident air about yourself and act real nonchalant about whether you become friends with this person.

I think you are doing the right thing not spending so much time on FB. I am sort of getting bored with it now, but when I first got on it, I too felt obsessed! Especially since I did find an old boyfriend on there, and I have checked his wall more times than I should admit! So see, you are not alone!! !

Just keep trying to pursue things that you enjoy, then you will find others with common interests. And try not to take things too personally, sometimes people are just busy or caught up in their own little world to reach out to others!