Why do men hurt me?

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Why do men think they can hit me and rape me and abuse me in any way?
I don't understand why i'm such a bad person that they can do that to me.
I know i'm useless and ugly and all those things - but why do they feel the need to toy with me?

oh no. i'm so sorry. what happened?!

you are a worthwhile person who does not deserve anything bad happening, really! you have such a lovely, sweet, trusting heart. even here on the forums you are unwaveringly kind and open and thoughtful.

i wish you would not think those bad things. look hard and inspect that negative stuff that you are saying about yourself, and i think you will see that you are telling yourself insults over and over that other people have meanly said to you in the past. please stop hurting yourself with nastiness like that.

Sounds like it might be a good idea for you to seek some counseling as these feelings may affect your future relationships. It seems you have a low sense of self esteem and this might make others feel you are a pushover and they will get away with abusing you. Don't tolerate it and show them they are wrong!

i do seek councilling. it doesn't seem to be helping.
the more i think of bad things and have to talk about them to him the worse i get.

something new did happen i suppose to set this off- basically me and my boyfriend went out for lunch and when he went to the bathroom this guy who i vaguely know (i think from college) came over and said hi and then said 'what're you doing with him? did he get in an accident or something to be with someone like you?' then laughed and when he saw my boyfriend come back he pretended he was being nice.
and i'm so pathetic i didn't say anything about it to my boyfriend, and still haven't. and i'm not even sure i should say it here.

he's so right, i'm not worth even 1% of my boyfriend.

that's so horrible!! !! please try to remember that somebody saying it doesn't automatically make it true. every time you get through another day and progress a bit farther in your life, you are proving people like him wrong.

YOU ARE STRONG and you need to keep showing the hating bullies that you are successful. i don't mean some great job or a perfect life, i mean successful at living through the abuse and progressing emotionally and not giving in to all the crap that life has thrown your way.

you must have seemed really 'together' and worthwhile for that guy to want to shake you down and manipulate you. people like that only bother if they think you are getting pretty strong, and so they try to knock you over. it's like improvement is a target to some bullies. don't let his words negate the progress you have worked so hard to create.

When i'm with my boyfriend no-one would ever know I had any problems.
He makes me strong. I feel totally, completely safe and 'normal' when i'm with him.
But I wish I knew how to transfer that to when he's not here.
Take right now. Alcohol in cuts makes it hurt worse, so that's what i'm doing. I'm nothing.
I'm sorry to even plague this website with my worthless crappy problems.

i know, i don't even have any real advice, because it took me a great deal of therapy to even get where i am now, and i am still trying to get better too.

i think you need time for your sense of self-worth to grow. the way you feel around him will hopefully someday grown in your own heart and you can be strong even when he is not around.

I really, really hope so.
He just came home. And I thought he'd be mad - because I promised him I wouldn't hurt myself - but he just bandaged my arms and held me and is now running me a bath.
I don't understand how I ended up with someone so perfect.

Even already I feel much better and feel like a complete idiot for being so dramatic and upset a minute ago.
I'm sorry.

we all melt down sometimes - we're here for you. have a nice bath.

Hang in there

i wish you would enroll in a martial arts class so you could show them abusers what for.

What an a***hole.

I think getting comments like that is common though, some people are just really nasty. I really wish you made him feel like sh*t, I can't stand that sort of thing. Maybe you should tel lyour boyfriend and he can go and beat him up.

I've been told horrible things by males in my life, and had horrible things done to me by them. You just have to hang in there. For me I believe its past life issues.

You shoulda broken a plate in half and slashed his face.
OK that was my first irrational thought.

He's not worth the effort of hurting him.
He's clearly sad with his own life if he's bothering to mess up mine.

Today is slightly better. I don't feel like giving up on life today.
Looking forward to work + a night in with a movie and a takeaway.
Things could definitely be worse.

Utterly utterly true. A person cannot say those sort of things without being a damaged and twisted person. I've always thought that people that wish others to feel bad and then take seeming enjoyment in it are the worst kind of human. Now I understand what makes people tick I would imagine he had a loveless childhood or something has gone wrong with him. so the problem is with him and nowhere else. I feel pity for people like that these days, not even contempt just pity.

Am I allowed to post links to other forums here?

What the heck..... here is a link to a really good support forum for people who have survived abuse.

http://www.brokenspirits.com/

I found it really helpful. They also have lots of information on where to get help/counselling/support in whichever country you live in.

I can guarantee you that there will be women on that forum who have experienced/are experiencing the exact same as you. Knowing you are not alone is great therapy.