Help! How to express my feelings for him

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betelgeuse
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03 Nov 2010, 12:59 pm

There is this man that are working as a Autism-advicer. I really like him and would like to get to know him better. When we meet we both behave very proffesional, but I get this feeling that it could develop to something more. What do I do? And how do I do it?



emlion
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03 Nov 2010, 1:01 pm

Start by finding out more about him. Just casually like 'did you have a good weekend?' etc. - less professional questions.
If you've already done this maybe ask for his help on something so you have more chances to talk?



betelgeuse
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03 Nov 2010, 1:53 pm

emlion wrote:
Start by finding out more about him. Just casually like 'did you have a good weekend?' etc. - less professional questions.
If you've already done this maybe ask for his help on something so you have more chances to talk?


I sent him a sms yesterday asking for his help about a meeting we both was attending to today. He phoned me and we had a nice conversation. After the meeting to day I stayed behind after it was finished. We talked in this professional manner as usual. But at the end he asked me how I felt the meeting went. this was my chanse to open up and be more personal, but I failed. i dont' know how to relax and just be a woman.

Next week I will meet him again. At my childrens school. What shall I do?



emlion
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03 Nov 2010, 2:01 pm

You could practice how you think the conversation would go so you roughly know what you want to say so you don't feel off guard.
It seems he likes you and wants to talk more and more. :)
I'm not sure what to suggest really as i'm told I can be quite awkward.
I would say follow your instincts but a lot of aspies seem to think their instincts don't give them the right answers.
I wish you good luck with it though! :)



betelgeuse
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03 Nov 2010, 2:13 pm

Practice seems reasnoble, I do that a lot. Actually that is my main coping strategy in everdaylife. That and observation.

would it be over the top to be frank with he and tell him how I feel?



emlion
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03 Nov 2010, 2:16 pm

It depends; if it doesn't feel the same way and then doesn't really want to be friend any more would you be okay with that?
if you would be okay with that, tell him.
If not you should probably wait until you know him a little better so you can keep the friendship if he doesn't wany anything more.
Do you think he likes you?



betelgeuse
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03 Nov 2010, 2:41 pm

I dont know if he likes me, not for sure. But I am pretty sure he respect me and regard me as a strong and intelligent woman. And I belive that he tried too flirt with me some months ago when we frist meet. Sadly I dont respond to subtle attention.



RainingRoses
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03 Nov 2010, 4:53 pm

Sometimes we are not so great at seeing the big picture or the implications of our actions, right? Have you considered how it will affect your job if things do not go right? It's hard enough for those with AS to get along in the workplace and manage to find career success. Are you really sure that you want to risk that for romance? At least consider what you think the risks might be. Then decide, OK?


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leejosepho
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03 Nov 2010, 6:53 pm

betelgeuse wrote:
would it be over the top to be frank with he and tell him how I feel?

That could easily leave either or both of you in an awkward situation and ultimately have a negative effect on the level of conversation and communication you already have.

My suggestion: At some point near the end of one of your typical conversations, just ask him whether he would have any objection or difficulty with the two of you occasionally talking about something other than "shop" (or whatever it is you do there) for a bit. If he is at least willing to talk with you at a more personal level, he will likely say so ... and if he is (or if he ever becomes) interested in you at more of a personal level, that will follow along.

Edit: And if/when you might do that, he might "answer" with a question of his own, such as, "Uh, about what?"

So, and even though he really should *not* do that -- questions should not be "answered" with questions -- you might nevertheless be prepared to mention something like what his favorite movies or music be be ... or anything else related to the kind of getting-acquainted conversation you might like to have.


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