aspie women & relationships - our struggles

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TiaMaria
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13 Nov 2010, 1:22 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
do you have difficulty in handling people romantically when you get to know them really well?


Yes, I get incredibly bored/turned off by people once I get to know them well. This doesn't hurt my friendships at all because they were never about lust or passion in the first place, but it hurts my romantic involvement. Because I "love" with my head, not with my heart. I am infatuated by people's artistic creations or ideas, and once I lose interest in those things and become more fixated on someone else's creations or ideas, I lose all attraction for that person. I have an easy time forming close bonds to people I'm platonic with, but not those I become sexually involved with, because it's always for such shallow reasons.



musicboxforever
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15 Nov 2010, 10:37 am

I get bored with people easily as well. I don't know why. And that made me start thinking about why I've been attracted to the guys I was attracted to in the past. I like someone that I find interesting enough to be around. I find it very hard to meet people that I can comfortably have reciprical conversations with. It's usually I find a quiet person and i talk complete nonsense to them and we don't connect because for some reason I have an inability to ask questions and therefore I never get to know them. Or I meet people that talk and talk at me and bore me silly. There are few people in the world that I manage to connect with enought to easily converse with no matter how I'm feeling. And that is what I am looking for.

I miss a friend of mine terribly because I just find him so interesting to talk to. He is funny and has a unique take on the world. Unfortunately I fell for him, but he is now in a relationship with someone else and I feel like because he knows how I feel about him I can't be friends with him anymore. I have never met anyone else that I've wanted to spend all of my time with. I never get bored of him. I wish there was no such thing as attraction and then we could be friends.

Actually, now I think about it I have to add that there is only one other person that I'm attracted to and it's because he is very funny and interesting and comes out with the most wonderful observations. Although I don't feel quiet as comfortable with him. Weirdly they are both from musical families.



TiaMaria
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15 Nov 2010, 1:53 pm

I used to have that same problem of not being able to ask questions. So people would ask me things & I'd just answer. They'd think I was rude for never asking about them or seeming to care, and I'd feel like I was being "interviewed" -- never getting to know them at all.

Now I'm much better about answering something & then saying "How about you?" or initiating questions that pop into my head. But also I've met people who just naturally add to the conversation without me having to do that, which I much prefer.

You know, I've noticed the people who say "You're too quiet!" to me in an accusatory tone have nothing of interest to say themselves. And people who are great conversationalists never say that to me, because they instinctually know how to get me talking. So I think it's just an insecurity thing that boring or socially inept people do.



pineapple
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15 Nov 2010, 5:46 pm

TiaMaria wrote:
You know, I've noticed the people who say "You're too quiet!" to me in an accusatory tone have nothing of interest to say themselves. And people who are great conversationalists never say that to me, because they instinctually know how to get me talking. So I think it's just an insecurity thing that boring or socially inept people do.


That's a good point. Same with people who say "you look bored". They're not entertaining people themselves.