No friends, less problems??



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jc6chan
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03 Nov 2010, 8:30 pm

Anyone here find that there is an advantage to having no close friends? I find that you have less problems, in a way. Confused? Here's what I mean. I observe that NTs and their friends occasionally get into complicated arguments and conflicts and this is not just in a dating relationship or between married couples but it happens between friends too. Also, it is also true that not all aspies are able to get along with people who are somewhat strangers either. However, the point I'm trying to get at here is that since aspies may not know the rules of social communication really well, we are somewhat simple and "child-like" in terms of our social skills. We may not be able to make close long-lasting friendships but all we need to know are the basics of how not to tick other people off. It feels comfortable to just "go behind the scenes" and "not be involved in it".



Wallourdes
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03 Nov 2010, 8:35 pm

Well close-friends need more attention then an friendly co-worker i guess, to keep up ties.
The said problems are in your own hands, and ofcourse those befriended.


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billybud21
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03 Nov 2010, 8:39 pm

I have never really had a super close friend and I don't feel in anyway like I have lost out on anything. In fact, right now, I only have coworkers, family, fellow graduate students, faculty, and the students in the course I teach that I am in contact with.

And now that I reflect on it, I am feeling pretty damn good.

-Johnathan


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happymusic
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03 Nov 2010, 8:39 pm

Yes. My sister, who is very social, and I talk about this many times. She's always got some social drama going on where I live in social peace because there's no one around to bother me.



pensieve
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03 Nov 2010, 8:40 pm

Totally agree. I have a few friends but I don't get caught up in all their social drama. One friend that I've never actually met yet always posts on Facebook about these people that insulted his friend and everyone gets in a big dispute about it.

I'm just a chum. A drinking buddy. Someone to have a good time with. I don't care about getting any closer than that. There is one friend that I can comfortably talk about anxiety and depression with. One other friend is bipolar so we're all pretty much understanding of each other.

I actually remember my sister had this friend and they would turn against each other every couple of weeks. And then there were these other two girls who absolutely hated each other but when they became teenagers they were best friends. I just don't get it.

There is an upside to these lack of communication skills. Ignorance about who digs who; who really hates who; who did what to who and whose not speaking to who because of some minor thing that happened that both can't get over. I'll just go play with my Doctor Who figures now.


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jc6chan
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03 Nov 2010, 8:59 pm

I was thinking if graduating from high school is what many aspies see as "the passage to freedom"?

You see, many aspies get bullied ever since school started in kindergarten all the way to their teenage years. But after high school, as long as you know how not to be a jerk (you don't even need to know social skills), you would generally be in peace in terms of the bullying.



Wallourdes
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03 Nov 2010, 9:08 pm

jc6chan wrote:
I was thinking if graduating from high school is what many aspies see as "the passage to freedom"?

You see, many aspies get bullied ever since school started in kindergarten all the way to their teenage years. But after high school, as long as you know how not to be a jerk (you don't even need to know social skills), you would generally be in peace in terms of the bullying.


Well I hear of workfloor bullying too (Milton from Office Space :P), but since the age goes up after high school it gets mostly a different form and less frequent in nature. Hormones eh?


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wavefreak58
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03 Nov 2010, 9:20 pm

The cost of no friends is loneliness.

The cost of friends is conflict.

I guess we all have to choose.



thedaywalker
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03 Nov 2010, 9:30 pm

i think friends are nice. also i think its important to make sure you don't become a complete recuse cause you wont have money and die. but if it somehow works it might be nice.



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03 Nov 2010, 10:11 pm

I really like having friends b/c it gives me people to attempt to connect with & vent around :roll:. But it REALLY depends on who your friends are b/c I will admit sometimes I am better off alone.


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jamesongerbil
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03 Nov 2010, 10:12 pm

I think I have a good system. My few close friends get that I'm a bit of a recluse, so it works. You see, I tend to be able to concentrate on no more than 1 or 2 people.



Stellar
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03 Nov 2010, 10:19 pm

I agree; no close friends, less problems. It's hard to find good friends anyway.



dossa
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03 Nov 2010, 10:24 pm

jamesongerbil wrote:
I think I have a good system. My few close friends get that I'm a bit of a recluse, so it works. You see, I tend to be able to concentrate on no more than 1 or 2 people.


Agreed... I like to have people to talk to sometimes, but too many is just overwhelming. One or two is ideal, methinks. I support this system.


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jc6chan
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03 Nov 2010, 10:30 pm

Wallourdes wrote:
jc6chan wrote:
I was thinking if graduating from high school is what many aspies see as "the passage to freedom"?

You see, many aspies get bullied ever since school started in kindergarten all the way to their teenage years. But after high school, as long as you know how not to be a jerk (you don't even need to know social skills), you would generally be in peace in terms of the bullying.


Well I hear of workfloor bullying too (Milton from Office Space :P), but since the age goes up after high school it gets mostly a different form and less frequent in nature. Hormones eh?

Oh ya, I haven't really had a job before so I wouldn't know.



jc6chan
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03 Nov 2010, 10:31 pm

wavefreak58 wrote:
The cost of no friends is loneliness.

The cost of friends is conflict.

I guess we all have to choose.

Its not really choosing if you have trouble making friends in the first place. Once you make friends, the conflicts may come.



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