I feel cheated out of life...



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Fearless
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Mon Jun 12, 2006 6:37 am

Anyway, long story short is that, I'm male almost closing in on 28 and I've been sexless a while and it's driving me nuts. Even when I was getting some when I was in my very early 20's it was for 2 years, and only maybe 4 days a month since it was a long distance relationship.

I was really depressed and suicidal after highschool and haven't had a job in 7 years since I broke up with my first and only girlfriend. I had social anxiety during highschool and it only intensified after I got dumped I self isolated permanently, I haven't left the house in nearly 7 years unless it was to visit people I met off the internet briefly. I dont know how to socialize or make friends normally.

I feel at a loss, I wasn't planning to live this long and my self-esteem was so shot from my upbringing I had given up all hope at anything, I was unhappy and ready to leave. I kinda had a wake up call this year and its like the last 15 or so years I've been in a trance from the trauma of my upbringing and I'm not sure what to do or where to go as I have no job and no money, and having no one in my life is starting to take its toll on my soul, I can feel it collapsing, I've been thinking about suicide a lot... since no woman is going to want to be around someone who doesn't talk and still lives at home with his parents... I dont think I'll make it. I've been alone and depressed to long and now I'm reaching mid life with nothing

I feel my heritage and painful upbringing has cheated me out of life, I was suicidal since about 12 years old... I feel sad and alone and I have no idea how to meet friends and build a social network at all without gaining a reptuation in the smallish town I live in... I feel like I'm in hell.



lowfreq50
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Mon Jun 12, 2006 7:03 am

What do you mean when you refer to your traumatic upbringing? Religiously oppressive? Abusive parents? Horrid school experiences?



emp
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Mon Jun 12, 2006 7:38 am

Fearless wrote:
I feel my heritage and painful upbringing has cheated me out of life,


You need to stop thinking that. It is very self-damaging to focus on that. Put it in the past and make a fresh start. Yes, it was bad in the past, but that was the PAST, and from now on you must take responsibility for yourself and stop blaming the past.

Beyond a certain point, continuing to blame the past is detrimental to your well-being. Even if you did have a terrible, terrible upbringing, you must not allow it to ruin your whole life by continuing to blame it for your whole life.



Fearless
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Mon Jun 12, 2006 7:54 am

emp wrote:
Fearless wrote:
I feel my heritage and painful upbringing has cheated me out of life,


You need to stop thinking that. It is very self-damaging to focus on that. Put it in the past and make a fresh start. Yes, it was bad in the past, but that was the PAST, and from now on you must take responsibility for yourself and stop blaming the past.

Beyond a certain point, continuing to blame the past is detrimental to your well-being. Even if you did have a terrible, terrible upbringing, you must not allow it to ruin your whole life by continuing to blame it for your whole life.


Easier said then done, my point is, how do I get out of it without getting a rep for being weird... I can't just crassh and burn through people without it getting around. I can't just go out to bars and hope that people will accept me, not to mention my social phobia and lack of conversation skills.



Last edited by Fearless on Mon Jun 12, 2006 7:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

Fearless
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Mon Jun 12, 2006 7:55 am

lowfreq50 wrote:
What do you mean when you refer to your traumatic upbringing? Religiously oppressive? Abusive parents? Horrid school experiences?


All of the above.



riley
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Mon Jun 12, 2006 7:56 am

Fearless wrote:
I've been thinking about suicide a lot... since no woman is going to want to be around someone who doesn't talk and still lives at home with his parents... I dont think I'll make it. I've been alone and depressed to long and now I'm reaching mid life with nothing

I think you need some councelling first off so you can address and try and heal the trauma you have suffered.
Please do not judge yourself on whether or not you have a girlfriend though. I have discovered from my own experience that it's more important that you learn to live with and accept yourself.. if you don't and do find a girlfriend.. self esteem she gives you would depend on how long you're together. It would be a bandaid.


I don't thnk you should be so hard on yourself either. You are alloud to go at your own pace.. try think of your good traits instead of thinking of the bad.



Last edited by riley on Mon Jun 12, 2006 7:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

wobbegong
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Mon Jun 12, 2006 7:57 am

Fearless

Fearless??? You read more like you're scared of living.

First thought - a woman in your life will not make you happy. In your current state, only two kinds of women will find you attractive. The kind that like to save people - the rescuers, the florence nighting-gales. And if you suddenly start behaving happy and content, they won't feel needed any more and they'll move on. Or the manipulative women. I suspect you already know at least one woman who knows how to make you feel truly miserable. You give all your power to be happy to someone else and you will be miserable. As you already know.

Even getting enough sex won't make you happy. You could consider masturbation. I don't care what your religion is, I think "God" would prefer a wanker to a suicide.

If you don't get out much it really does limit your chances of meeting any women anyhow. How many have you asked out lately - you really have nothing much left to lose. Are you expecting a woman to drop out of the sky and into your lap and love you? Don't you have to do anything yourself? Maybe some woman agreeing to meet you would be more scary than this nice familiar misery bucket you have for yourself now.

I suggest you get yourself some real help ASAP. If you can afford it, go to the emergency room for your nearest hospital. If you can't, phone lifeline or the salvos or join your nearest 12 step group. Make them come and get you.

And I will leave you with this thought. How do you know you will feel any better if you do kill yourself. Suppose your soul is on the planet to learn something and you waste the opportunity by offing yourself. If I was the "Teacher" I'd be putting you out there, maybe somewhere worse like an African slum, and making you do over until you learn what you need to learn. Imagine - killing yourself might just make everything worse for you. You can't know this isn't true.



Fearless
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Mon Jun 12, 2006 8:00 am

wobbegong wrote:
Fearless

Fearless??? You read more like you're scared of living.


I chose the name out of irony. Like it??



Fearless
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Mon Jun 12, 2006 8:05 am

wobbegong wrote:
Fearless

Even getting enough sex won't make you happy. You could consider masturbation. I don't care what your religion is, I think "God" would prefer a wanker to a suicide.


I dont think you get it... it will be at least 5 years until I'd get out of university if I go on that route, by that time I will be 33 or so, and there is no way I'm going to last that long without any kind of social support, and I've been sexless long enough. I haven't asked out a lot of women, I did ask out two... but I did it over the net not face to face. Next it's only been about 6 months since I've "woken up" from my intent not to live, you see I self isolatedbecause *I had planned not to live*, then an event happened that woke me up from it. and I'm not sure what to do now. I don't have any means of getting around I'm not sure how to go about making friends that would accept me into their group and understand where I am coming from to help ease me back into socialization.



Fearless
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Mon Jun 12, 2006 8:17 am

riley wrote:
Fearless wrote:
I've been thinking about suicide a lot... since no woman is going to want to be around someone who doesn't talk and still lives at home with his parents... I dont think I'll make it. I've been alone and depressed to long and now I'm reaching mid life with nothing

I think you need some councelling first off so you can address and try and heal the trauma you have suffered.
Please do not judge yourself on whether or not you have a girlfriend though. I have discovered from my own experience that it's more important that you learn to live with and accept yourself.. if you don't and do find a girlfriend.. self esteem she gives you would depend on how long you're together. It would be a bandaid.


I don't thnk you should be so hard on yourself either. You are alloud to go at your own pace.. try think of your good traits instead of thinking of the bad.


Being able to consistently get girls would solve a lot of my problems, for me sex isn't just sex, it's a healing thing, when you haven't had any human companionship for a long time you begin to appreciate *any* human intimacy, to soothe your psyche. Sex for men maintains their mental health, if you don't believe me just look at the crime statistics - male sexual predators vs females.



Aspie_Chav
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Mon Jun 12, 2006 8:23 am

It seems like you have double problems one is your post and the other is your future of living with Aspergers Syndrome. I am not an expert in this field but dealing with the past should be your priory and find a way to put in the past because I consider it much easier to deal with then coping with Aspersers Syndrome.

I suffer from depression and a crappy life also I do have a job but I should be earning lost of money by now. I should have had enough money to by my own property. I should have had someone to love by now.
When I say to others what my life is like other people come to the conclusion that negative thoughts is my problem, when I know it is not. Anyone with my problem would feel this way too. Be for you, I feel that you situation is a little difference from what you tell me from this post. It seem like negative thought is destroying you as well as the problem of having Aspergers Syndrome, match made in hell.

If you are the type of person to get really lonely on Valentines day, Birthdays , Christmas then it could be that you allow negative thought to destroy you. If you feel lonely almost on a random basis, regardless of those dates, then fixing the problem with positive though is going to be much more hard work.



riley
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Mon Jun 12, 2006 8:58 am

Fearless wrote:
Being able to consistently get girls would solve a lot of my problems, for me sex isn't just sex, it's a healing thing, when you haven't had any human companionship for a long time you begin to appreciate *any* human intimacy, to soothe your psyche.

As an 'aspie' woman I am really not sure how to compose myself on this issue as my previous reactions have gone 'unappreciated' so I'm trying to be more sensitive.
Again.. sex will only treat the symptoms.. and 'constantly getting girls' [ie. sex] will NOT fix your problems.
This part is very important: It may even be detrometal to you developing a genuine bond with a woman if your priority is.. 'soothing your psyche' [one way to put it] as they would probably notice you're not being interested in theirs. It would be a bandaid and would indeed be a lazy way of dealing with you emotional issues. If you don't want to feel the way you do see a councellor and do the hard yakka. IMO sex is at it's most beautiful when it's used as a form of communication rather than a leisure activity.. otherwise it's just souless meat on meat.
Quote:
Sex for men maintains their mental health, if you don't believe me just look at the crime statistics - male sexual predators vs females.

8O

Er.

Let me get this straight.
So you think men rape because they are maintaining mental health?
Is this what you mean? Just making sure.. :?



emp
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Mon Jun 12, 2006 9:29 am

riley wrote:
Again.. sex will only treat the symptoms.. and 'constantly getting girls' [ie. sex] will NOT fix your problems.


I agree. Saying "Being able to consistently get girls would solve a lot of my problems" is a strange thing to say.



Mordy
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Mon Jun 12, 2006 9:30 am

riley wrote:
Again.. sex will only treat the symptoms.. and 'constantly getting girls' [ie. sex] will NOT fix your problems.
This part is very important: It may even be detrometal to you developing a genuine bond with a woman if your priority is.. 'soothing your psyche' [one way to put it] as they would probably notice you're not being interested in theirs. It would be a bandaid and would indeed be a lazy way of dealing with you emotional issues. If you don't want to feel the way you do see a councellor and do the hard yakka. IMO sex is at it's most beautiful when it's used as a form of communication rather than a leisure activity.. otherwise it's just souless meat on meat.


Someone else put it thusly: Truth-seeker said -- "I gotten into many arguments with my mother over this. “School comes first” keeps coming up again and again. I insist that my emotional well being comes first and that without that, I won't be making any progress with school. "

Thats how he feels



Last edited by Mordy on Mon Jun 12, 2006 9:37 am, edited 2 times in total.

Mordy
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Mon Jun 12, 2006 9:31 am

emp wrote:
riley wrote:
Again.. sex will only treat the symptoms.. and 'constantly getting girls' [ie. sex] will NOT fix your problems.


I agree. Saying "Being able to consistently get girls would solve a lot of my problems" is a strange thing to say.


It's not a strange thing to say, I know if it was me my emotional equilibrium would be restored.



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