my 11yr old son with autism is bored all the time

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artgirl
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28 Nov 2010, 7:09 am

please can someone help my son is bored all the time and then hits me. He is on medication but sometimes even these don't help. I try lots of things with him but nothing seems to help. He can't go to school as his anxiety is so high and now wont go out of the house. Can anyone give me some ideas. I am at a loss.

Maryvonne



Elaine33
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28 Nov 2010, 8:22 am

I have an 11 year old son with Asperger's and I have the same problem with boredom. If he doesn't have a strong 'special interest' going on to keep him occupied or if there is no one for him to play with, then he can become very bored and then disgruntled in general. Luckily he stopped acting out physically towards me when he was younger. We were very strong and consistent in the approach we used towards the hitting and he is now able to channel his anger a little better away from physical violence, which was mainly towards me.

I try to get him interested in other things, but he is so limited and fussy about what he wants to do. He reads well, but will only read limited things and I have such a difficult time getting him to expand his interests.

My son is interested in drawing and I try to keep plenty of different drawing supplies on hand. And if I start drawing first, then he will often join me and then after a while I can sneak away and get some things done. Sometimes I do have to trick him into trying something different, like doing it in front of him. Try the craft store, too. For a while, we were hooked on those beads that you can put into a little pre-cut design, then put wax paper over and iron and they melt together.

Also, since you are homeschooling, do you have any local homeschool support group meet ups? Maybe he could make some friends there. It scares me to think my son might not be in school at some point because he enjoys the school part of it and I think really needs and thrives on the structure and learning there. The social parts are not great, though.



alone
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28 Nov 2010, 9:30 am

He's 11, he needs a balance. You can't go through this everytime he is without a special interest. He will have no special interests without a balance. He won't enjoy anything if he has too much time on his hands. I think what most parents forget is the best way to deal with this personality is to find a physical outlet. If he doesn't have friends, to run and play and giggle with you have to find a way to meet the physical requirement. Take him to the store, park a couple of blocks away--walk, climb stairs...don't talk about it, do it. Wear him out physically and you will start to see a kid with a happier head and not so tied up and nervous. Make up things to do, an hour or two a day when other kids are in school. Mix it up, say it is for you to get exercise, cut down on sugar-starch, eat protein---take field trips with him. Walk him out of this.

Take care



DW_a_mom
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28 Nov 2010, 10:24 am

With my son, "bored" seems to be a code word for "I have things I want to do but for various reasons beyond my control I cannot do them right now." The result being that the child acts out of frustration towards all those roadblocks more than what we think of as boredom (nothing to do that can hold my interest). I'm wondering if it could help to find out what it is deep inside his mind that he does want to do, or that he does want to access, but is either afraid of or feels he can't get to. A version of talk therapy, if you will. Maybe engage him in stories with characters facing similar challenges to him, and have him fill in the blanks for those characters (IF he is one of the AS kids who can do that sort of abstract thinking; I realize that many cannot).

I agree that physical activity would probably help. Is he a pacer, or does he have something like a trampoline or swing to use? For most AS a repetitive physical activity seems to help clear thoughts and achieve a sense of center; I'm been surprised at how important that has been for my son.


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Jodel
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28 Nov 2010, 8:59 pm

I agree with exercise. My daughter is only 5 and clumsy, but a good walk (anywhere, mall or outside) does her a world of good. Sometimes I can even get her jog a little. usually it ends in walking back and stopping to look at every moving insect but it really does help her. Even a little bit a few times a day should help.

Good luck, I wish you the best!



MomtoS
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28 Nov 2010, 11:15 pm

These are some good things to think about. My ds seems to be "bored" unless he's playing computer games. I do think he needs more exercise, but he only likes football of which I don't play (that's dh's thing).

I can identify with the poster who said that he'll try something only if I sit down and start it, but then he always wants me to sit with him and I can't do that all the time. Sigh.



artgirl
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28 Nov 2010, 11:25 pm

Thank you all for your help. I will get my husband to read all your replies as well. It is amazing how we learn all the time what our child needs. I have some great ideas now that could help him use up energy and as many of you said if we do it with him he will enjoy it more.

Thank you for the help



PunkyKat
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29 Nov 2010, 1:58 am

DW_a_mom wrote:
With my son, "bored" seems to be a code word for "I have things I want to do but for various reasons beyond my control I cannot do them right now." The result being that the child acts out of frustration towards all those roadblocks more than what we think of as boredom (nothing to do that can hold my interest).


This


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Electric_Kite
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29 Nov 2010, 7:39 am

PunkyKat wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
With my son, "bored" seems to be a code word for "I have things I want to do but for various reasons beyond my control I cannot do them right now." The result being that the child acts out of frustration towards all those roadblocks more than what we think of as boredom (nothing to do that can hold my interest).


This


Yes. This.

Also:

I realized when I started anti-anxiety meds that I may never have actually experienced 'boredom' in my life. What I called 'bored' was as DW_a_mom describes, or it was a mild sort of anxiety from not knowing what would happen next, and is very closely related to what DW_a_mom describes. I just thought it was boredom because it happened in circumstances other people described as boring. Waiting for an appointment is supposed to be boring, but the discomfort I'd feel waiting was from not knowing, exactly, when I'd be called. With less anxiety, I don't get 'bored.' I can relax and amuse myself thinking about things. There are lots of wonderful things to think about, but being anxious made it hard to focus on them.



misstippy
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29 Nov 2010, 8:07 am

Electric_Kite wrote:
PunkyKat wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
With my son, "bored" seems to be a code word for "I have things I want to do but for various reasons beyond my control I cannot do them right now." The result being that the child acts out of frustration towards all those roadblocks more than what we think of as boredom (nothing to do that can hold my interest).


This


Yes. This.

Also:

I realized when I started anti-anxiety meds that I may never have actually experienced 'boredom' in my life. What I called 'bored' was as DW_a_mom describes, or it was a mild sort of anxiety from not knowing what would happen next, and is very closely related to what DW_a_mom describes. I just thought it was boredom because it happened in circumstances other people described as boring. Waiting for an appointment is supposed to be boring, but the discomfort I'd feel waiting was from not knowing, exactly, when I'd be called. With less anxiety, I don't get 'bored.' I can relax and amuse myself thinking about things. There are lots of wonderful things to think about, but being anxious made it hard to focus on them.



This is interesting to me. And something I'm going to continue to remind myself about. Thank you! My son, who is only 4, also acts "bored" or will find himself getting into trouble by not listening or by finding mischief one way or another.... UNLESS, we have his day planned out. If I sit down with him and we plan out our activities for the day, he does fine, even when we are waiting for the next activity to begin. Because he's so young, we draw pictures for him... kind of like a storyboard. He seems way less anxious and on a bad day, he'll ASK for the pictures. Lately, we've let the picture schedule go by the wayside and we've been having more trouble with him. ANd, especially since we are coming off our Thanksgiving break, he was having a very rough time toward the end... The boy loves knowing what's happening next. I will reinstate the picture schedule today!