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missykrissy
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06 Dec 2010, 10:21 pm

i'm wondering if this is common. my step-son will straight out punch himself in the face and give himself a black eye. he'll slam himself in the door and bash his head on the wall, punch stuff and injure his hand, fall off things because he doesn't seem to catch on that he's putting himself somewhere that's dangerous and he'll be fine with all these injuries. he says they don't hurt and it's all my fault cause i MADE him do it.(yeah, okay)

BUT he will scream bloody murder if i try to get him to have a bath. if i brush his hair, or his teeth. if i tell him he has to hold my hand(he has a tendancy to take off and disappear) or even if he gets a little splash of water on him from the sink. he screams "you're hurting me!! you're hurting me!!" over and over again. his face turns all red and purple and he looses his breath. sometimes he attacks me and says he hates me. i know for a fact i'm not hurting him but he sure thinks i am. he does this in public and everyone gives me dirty looks. does anyone else have this problem cause it seems really messed up to me that when he is actually hurting himself he can handle it but when someone is looking after him it 'hurts'



buryuntime
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06 Dec 2010, 10:27 pm

He's obviously hyposensitive to pain and is hypersensitive to other things. I don't see how you can see that as messed up. You should try to get him in occupational therapy for sensory issues.



missykrissy
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06 Dec 2010, 10:33 pm

buryuntime wrote:
He's obviously hyposensitive to pain and is hypersensitive to other things. I don't see how you can see that as messed up. You should try to get him in occupational therapy for sensory issues.


how is that not messed up? i'm not an expert or a therapist...... i'm just trying to figure out why and what i can do. we have been sitting on waiting lists to get him help for 3 years now. the only help we've gotten so far is medication that lessons his violent outbursts and referals to sit on more waiting lists. we finally just got a letter from one of the first places we signed up for help with saying to be patient he is almost at the top of the list and then there is another waiting period to get in to do an intake and then wait again for someone to have room on their case load.



buryuntime
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06 Dec 2010, 10:39 pm

missykrissy wrote:
buryuntime wrote:
He's obviously hyposensitive to pain and is hypersensitive to other things. I don't see how you can see that as messed up. You should try to get him in occupational therapy for sensory issues.


how is that not messed up? i'm not an expert or a therapist...... i'm just trying to figure out why and what i can do. we have been sitting on waiting lists to get him help for 3 years now. the only help we've gotten so far is medication that lessons his violent outbursts and referals to sit on more waiting lists. we finally just got a letter from one of the first places we signed up for help with saying to be patient he is almost at the top of the list and then there is another waiting period to get in to do an intake and then wait again for someone to have room on their case load.

If having water on your skin hurts you and someone is trying to bathe you... a child isn't going to see that as you helping him, he just wants you to stop because it hurts him. Hell part of my life I've had to take sponge baths and I still avoid showers like the plague.

I also cried from getting my hair brushed. So I don't brush my hair. Touching people is painful and extremely uncomfortable for me. Instead of holding hands let him hold your sleeve. That's an example of working around sensory issues.

I feel regular pain, like hitting yourself type pain, but it's common for autistics to not feel pain like others do.



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06 Dec 2010, 10:40 pm

The difference is in who is causing his "pain." If he is the cause, then it doesn't "hurt." If someone else inflicts it on him, then it does. I didn't have a problem with self-inflicted injury as you describe here, but I used to do all sorts of things that made loud noises. I have very sensitive hearing, but when I was noisy by my own choice, it didn't bother me. If someone else made a loud noise, however, or if someone forced me to do something that caused a loud noise, it would literally hurt my eardrums. The same was true of bright lights, especially blue ones, since I also had sensitive eyes. I used to be able to read a normal 12-point serif font type easily at a distance of four meters (about 13 feet). Alas, now my eyes aren't quite that good anymore, and in low light I now have to use reading glasses. - LJS


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buryuntime
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06 Dec 2010, 10:45 pm

Oh, you can also employ a lot of occupational therapy at home (especially the sensory kind.)

http://specialchildren.about.com/od/sen ... homeSI.htm



missykrissy
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06 Dec 2010, 11:00 pm

thanks. i have tried a couple things on the link. he definitely does not like body brushing or deep tissue pressure. he seems to enjoy his heavy blanket and pretty much any blanket so maybe the burito thing would be enjoyable to him. i used to put him on a toddler leash when we went out so i wouldn't have to make him hold my hand but he is getting older now and when we saw kids from his class they made fun of him. he doesn't care(or didn't catch on) but i didn't like it. he always asks if he can ride in the stroller. do you guys think that would be acceptable? i'm not sure if it's helping or not but i try not to do things that will get him picked on at school and even though he really wants in the stroller i've been telling him no incase his friends see him. is it better to just let him go in it? it would be a lot easier. i'm not sure i can avoid grooming him. he doesn't let me cut his hair(although i did make him do it a couple months ago he had a huge meltdown afterwards) so should i just let it be all tangly and sticking up everywhere? again, worried about people making fun of him at school. he already gets picked on enough and no one plays with him but his brother.

he also has sensitive hearing and is very loud but no ones else is allowed to be loud. i got him some earphones for that though, and he wears them at school alot. it helps him from crying and getting confused somewhat.



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06 Dec 2010, 11:11 pm

LongJohnSilver wrote:
The difference is in who is causing his "pain." If he is the cause, then it doesn't "hurt." If someone else inflicts it on him, then it does.


Yeah, that sounds like me too. When I was little and my mom did my hair I would cry because it hurt so much even though she was trying to be gentle. Now when I brush my hair I just yank on it until the tangles come out, usually removing some chunks of hair in the process, but it is only mildly uncomfortable. Even now, if she does my hair for a party or something I still kind of wince or pull away, even though I'm not trying to.



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06 Dec 2010, 11:36 pm

I was hyposensitive to pain as a kid. There's a sensation with just giving yourself a bump while you've actually done more damage to yourself. Now I'm hypersensitive to pain. But I still enjoy hitting myself. When I'm really distressed the pain from hitting actually makes me feel better. If you look up the document 'autism and shutdowns' it explains that a bit.
Autistics have a very disregulated sensory process in their brain.
From what I've read we have a longer sensory memory and can become distraught over things that wouldn't distress an NT because they have a shorter sensory memory. This can do anything with sight, sound, touch, taste, etc. NT's brain can choose to block out sensory stimuli if it's not needed. The autistic brain can experience it all at once and not block it out. We can only process things one at a time, which I think is why we can block things out when spending time on a special interest.
Water can hurt them. I've only experienced that a few times. After I do the dishes my neck stings like a wasp bit it.
A lot of the tings I touch feel like stone or paper and I hate that sensation.

Your step son sounds severely autistic and you need to be more understanding. He's not going to think like you think or even kids his own age. If he's not embarrassed then let him be. When we become aware of how different we are we become worse, i.e terrible anxiety.

Also, when people hurt my head with too many jokes I tell them they are hurting my brain. So, when your son says 'you're hurting me' this is the best he can communicate that something you want him to do is hurting him.

LongJohnSilver wrote:
The difference is in who is causing his "pain." If he is the cause, then it doesn't "hurt." If someone else inflicts it on him, then it does. I didn't have a problem with self-inflicted injury as you describe here, but I used to do all sorts of things that made loud noises. I have very sensitive hearing, but when I was noisy by my own choice, it didn't bother me. If someone else made a loud noise, however, or if someone forced me to do something that caused a loud noise, it would literally hurt my eardrums. The same was true of bright lights, especially blue ones, since I also had sensitive eyes. I used to be able to read a normal 12-point serif font type easily at a distance of four meters (about 13 feet). Alas, now my eyes aren't quite that good anymore, and in low light I now have to use reading glasses. - LJS

That makes a lot of sense. I can't believe it never occurred to me before.


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CranialRectosis
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06 Dec 2010, 11:58 pm

'Hurt' may be relatively spoken. I am autistic. I see music. I feel sound. I taste color. Hurt may be the word chosen to expose an enormous concept. You have to take it literally, but you need to consider the metaphor from his point of view to know.

"it's all my fault cause i MADE him do it" sounds like a communication attempt and a warning.

From what I can remember of my childhood, I said things like that often. I did so when I wanted to gain attention to something I saw as urgent and frustrating. It's like learning to communicate with your dog. You teach him to sit and stay. He teaches you to let him out when he tells you to. If you have trouble teaching the former or learning the latter, it isn't the dog's fault.

Have patience and look for the logical connection. There is always a logical connection if he is autistic. Remember that you are likely coming in at the very end of an episode that may have been triggered days ago.

All the other items in your second paragraph seem to be water or head or both, related. I am 41 years old. Don't splash me with water and don't hit my head. I cannot tell when you intend to hurt me. Bullies and teasing and little white lies have taught me not to trust anyone...ANYONE.

One time of having my head held underwater in a school toilet taught me all I needed to know about drowning. After that, if my teeth need brushing, I do it. If my head needs washing, I do it. I do not like water up my nose or in my ears or any type of blockage of my breathing. I will never know if you will someday get a wild hair and decide it would be fun to flush my head. You will never get the chance to try. Not because I fear the toilet. I fear my reaction will end our relationship and/or hurt you.

Context is irrelevant. It doesn't matter how you meant it. It doesn't matter where we are. If it happens, it is fight or flight. He reacts with the urgency you would if someone threw an angry rattlesnake at your face.

If he is red faced, his IQ is dropping. There is no limit as to how low it can go.

If you are red faced, your IQ is dropping. There is no limit as to how expensive this can now get.

Watch 'The Dog Wisperer' and consider the metaphor. In my opinion, you have described a communication problem a trust problem and a power struggle. You will never win the power struggle against an autistic. We are not likely to accept authority by force. EVER. We often respond to authority by virtue.

Trust is easy. You need to turn things from 'you against him' to 'us against the world'. After you can do that, it just takes time and repetition. Start by learning to communicate with him in his language. It won't be easy. It will be harder if you have teased him or allowed him to be teased or told him lies (Easter Bunny and Santa Clause took me years to overcome). Come clean and go forward. Honesty is the only policy with someone like me.

You need to prove yourself worthy by learning to communicate a superior knowledge using a language you both can understand. You will have to create it yourselves, together. Gain trust, communicate mutual interest and demonstrate superior knowledge or technique and teach him well to both of your lifelong benefit...just like you would with your dog.



jojobean
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07 Dec 2010, 12:56 am

As far as the water thing...I can totally relate. Water hitting my skin feels like minature wet explosions. Also cold or temperate water makes that much worse. I like really warm/hot water as it does not hurt even though afterwards my skin in beet red from the heat and steam is rolling off of me. Its weird, I cant really explain it but my skin is rather insensitive to heat until it I get a 1st degree burn, but cold or even temperate water feels like a stabbing or exploding, unless I am emersed in it like a pool...back to the burrito thing, but water hitting me is rough.

As as far as the hair thing: when my hair is much messed with...at the base of my scalp is a stabbing sensation. Have you ever tried just buzzing his hair..the vibration may distract his nerves, plus you dont have to mess with it as much for a while. But before you try that, let him hold something that vibrates in his hand to see if that bothers him, if it does then scratch that idea. Maybe you could also let him brush his hair, so it wont bother him as much.

I like to be wrapped like a burrito quite well...it is very calming.

As far as the holding hand thing: I dont have the pain sensation with touch, but often feel touch is invasive even if it is just my hands, but you could have a piece of soft cloth about 6 inches long, so you can hold the cloth, and he can hold the cloth too. Some people with ASD can feel the neuroelectric energy from touch by other people and that energy can feel like a many shocks.

As far as pain and self injury: I am hypersensensitive to pain. I tell doctors that I have a low tollerance for pain and a high tollerance for pain killers. Most of the time pain killers have no effect on me except for numbing agents like lydicane. But anyway if I am in a major meltdown, I have been known to hit, slap, punch, bite and scratch myself. I broke my hand on two occassions punching a hard surface. However, it hurts like crap, but I cant seem to control myself once I reached a certain point in a meltdown. Let me explain the anatomy of a meltdown is for me. Something will set me off...and it is like an emotional storm that kicks up all this chaotic energy within me. I try to control it by calming myself down at this point because if I let it go...it will be beyond my control. Well lets say it continues and then it quickly gains momentum of chaos and emotions flying around my being and then all the sudden all the energy and emotions slam together at a single point within me, and I am struck by this emotional lightning...then I attack myself without any ability to control myself whatsoever. After that the storm dies and I weep in exaustion and pain...and of course feel really crappy for a few days



Hopefully that inside view may help you understand things better.


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