Need your reassurance to ask girl out

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Should I got for it?
Yes 69%  69%  [ 9 ]
No 31%  31%  [ 4 ]
Total votes : 13

JoeBloggs
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16 Dec 2010, 3:44 pm

I'm a 20-something romantically-challenged undiagnosed aspie and I could do with your help.

There's this really cute girl who works behind the till in my local shop.

I'm as certain as I can be that she's into me too; she makes eye contact, smiles and has given me compliments in the past.

But I'm having terrible trouble trying to strike conversation with her -- let alone ask her out.

Don't know much about her -- name for example -- but I'd definitely like to get to know her better.

My plan, best I could come up with, is to discreetly pass her a folded up note when I'm next in said shop buying something.

Saying…

"think you're cute,

"would like to get to know you better.

"joe

"07708 559 295"

I feel comfortable with the plan but need some reassurance -- starting to doubt myself -- that it's not a hare-brained idea.

The advantages of my plan -- as I see it -- are two fold: the ball's in her court and I have -- in a roundabout way -- made the first move.

If she texts or calls I'll know she likes me as much as I like her. But if she doesn't I'll feel I can't go in the shop so long as she works there.

Should I just go for it? Or should I ask her out a more traditional way and get her number?

Thanks in advance of your help.

Joe Bloggs



Chronos
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16 Dec 2010, 4:07 pm

JoeBloggs wrote:
I'm a 20-something romantically-challenged undiagnosed aspie and I could do with your help.

There's this really cute girl who works behind the till in my local shop.

I'm as certain as I can be that she's into me too; she makes eye contact, smiles and has given me compliments in the past.

But I'm having terrible trouble trying to strike conversation with her -- let alone ask her out.

Don't know much about her -- name for example -- but I'd definitely like to get to know her better.

My plan, best I could come up with, is to discreetly pass her a folded up note when I'm next in said shop buying something.

Saying…

"think you're cute,

"would like to get to know you better.

"joe

"07708 559 295"

I feel comfortable with the plan but need some reassurance -- starting to doubt myself -- that it's not a hare-brained idea.

The advantages of my plan -- as I see it -- are two fold: the ball's in her court and I have -- in a roundabout way -- made the first move.

If she texts or calls I'll know she likes me as much as I like her. But if she doesn't I'll feel I can't go in the shop so long as she works there.

Should I just go for it? Or should I ask her out a more traditional way and get her number?

Thanks in advance of your help.

Joe Bloggs


If you want reassurance that she does like you and will say yes, I can't give you that. She might say no. I'm just telling you that because I think one needs to accept and be prepared to deal with the potential positive and negative outcomes of a situation.

That being said, she might also say yes, and if not asking her is a default "no" and asking her might be "yes" or "no", you should ask her, because you really have nothing to lose except some pride, and if she says yes, and turns out to be the love of your life, what a small price that ounce of pride will be.

I would go ahead and pass the note.



JoeBloggs
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16 Dec 2010, 4:45 pm

Chronos wrote:
JoeBloggs wrote:
I'm a 20-something romantically-challenged undiagnosed aspie and I could do with your help.

There's this really cute girl who works behind the till in my local shop.

I'm as certain as I can be that she's into me too; she makes eye contact, smiles and has given me compliments in the past.

But I'm having terrible trouble trying to strike conversation with her -- let alone ask her out.

Don't know much about her -- name for example -- but I'd definitely like to get to know her better.

My plan, best I could come up with, is to discreetly pass her a folded up note when I'm next in said shop buying something.

Saying…

"think you're cute,

"would like to get to know you better.

"joe

"07708 559 295"

I feel comfortable with the plan but need some reassurance -- starting to doubt myself -- that it's not a hare-brained idea.

The advantages of my plan -- as I see it -- are two fold: the ball's in her court and I have -- in a roundabout way -- made the first move.

If she texts or calls I'll know she likes me as much as I like her. But if she doesn't I'll feel I can't go in the shop so long as she works there.

Should I just go for it? Or should I ask her out a more traditional way and get her number?

Thanks in advance of your help.

Joe Bloggs


If you want reassurance that she does like you and will say yes, I can't give you that. She might say no. I'm just telling you that because I think one needs to accept and be prepared to deal with the potential positive and negative outcomes of a situation.

That being said, she might also say yes, and if not asking her is a default "no" and asking her might be "yes" or "no", you should ask her, because you really have nothing to lose except some pride, and if she says yes, and turns out to be the love of your life, what a small price that ounce of pride will be.

I would go ahead and pass the note.


Thank you very much for your advice.

Just for clarification's sake, I'm not looking for reassurance that she does like me or that she'll say yes. I understand nobody here can offer that and I'd like to think I'm prepared for either eventual outcome.

Rather I'm looking for reassurance that it's not a "hare-brained" idea and wondering whether I should try and ask her out verbally?

Don't know about taking an "ounce" of pride, feels more like a ton to me but, as you say, if she did turn out to be the love of my life it'd all be worth it.



norwegianman1972
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16 Dec 2010, 5:25 pm

I will tell you what I did once, about ten years ago. It was this girl I was almost certain that was interested in me. I had the feeling she was eye-flirting with me. I really didnt`t know what to do and a friend of mine tried to help me to get the guts to go and knock on the door. I said I was sure I would back down in the last minute. In the end he proposed that he follow me down and he watched me from a distance as a sort of pressure not to back down. I knocked on the door and she opened the door and I told her the truth, that I was in love with her. Unfortunately she didn`t share my feelings, but still I was glad I asked her. It felt good to overcome my fear and even though I was disappointed that she didn`t feel the same, I was happy that I had dared to confront my fear.



Arman_Khodaei
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16 Dec 2010, 5:57 pm

Some girls that work at such places are just nice that way. What you have described sounds like girls I've met in the past who have worked in coffee shops or other such places. I thought they were into me, but found out otherwise. But, you never know. Perhaps, she is into you. It is hard to tell you. I would ask her if she would like to have coffee sometime to get to know you or something. Or, you can try the note. I'm not very sure. This is also hard for me.


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Lene
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16 Dec 2010, 6:03 pm

Honestly, I don't think it'll work. It's just too weird (unless she's weird too, or desperate).

Sorry. Personally, I'd think it was sweet, but the majority of people don't act like that & see people who do as strange.



fb5b
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16 Dec 2010, 9:11 pm

Go for it. Even the worst rejection she could possibly give you is nowhere near the torture you're inflicting on yourself with this indicision and what if's.

Although instead of the note, make idle conversation, ask her name, interests etc, then ask her for her email, while she's writing it down, then maybe ask her to write her number down, assure her you;re not a nut who'll call her 50 times a day, maybe 30 or 40 (ahem, joke).

Notes are for stalkers.



5264443377776444844
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16 Dec 2010, 9:53 pm

Yeah, I would have thought the note would be a bit creepy and she might reject you based on the fact that you can't even conversate with her in the first place.



Arman_Khodaei
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16 Dec 2010, 10:13 pm

5264443377776444844 wrote:
Yeah, I would have thought the note would be a bit creepy and she might reject you based on the fact that you can't even conversate with her in the first place.


Exactly! It also shows her that you don't have the balls to ask her in person. Women aren't attracted to what they perceive as wusses. I'm not calling you a wuss, just a woman might see things.


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Chronos
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17 Dec 2010, 3:05 am

JoeBloggs wrote:
Chronos wrote:
JoeBloggs wrote:
I'm a 20-something romantically-challenged undiagnosed aspie and I could do with your help.

There's this really cute girl who works behind the till in my local shop.

I'm as certain as I can be that she's into me too; she makes eye contact, smiles and has given me compliments in the past.

But I'm having terrible trouble trying to strike conversation with her -- let alone ask her out.

Don't know much about her -- name for example -- but I'd definitely like to get to know her better.

My plan, best I could come up with, is to discreetly pass her a folded up note when I'm next in said shop buying something.

Saying…

"think you're cute,

"would like to get to know you better.

"joe

"07708 559 295"

I feel comfortable with the plan but need some reassurance -- starting to doubt myself -- that it's not a hare-brained idea.

The advantages of my plan -- as I see it -- are two fold: the ball's in her court and I have -- in a roundabout way -- made the first move.

If she texts or calls I'll know she likes me as much as I like her. But if she doesn't I'll feel I can't go in the shop so long as she works there.

Should I just go for it? Or should I ask her out a more traditional way and get her number?

Thanks in advance of your help.

Joe Bloggs


If you want reassurance that she does like you and will say yes, I can't give you that. She might say no. I'm just telling you that because I think one needs to accept and be prepared to deal with the potential positive and negative outcomes of a situation.

That being said, she might also say yes, and if not asking her is a default "no" and asking her might be "yes" or "no", you should ask her, because you really have nothing to lose except some pride, and if she says yes, and turns out to be the love of your life, what a small price that ounce of pride will be.

I would go ahead and pass the note.


Thank you very much for your advice.

Just for clarification's sake, I'm not looking for reassurance that she does like me or that she'll say yes. I understand nobody here can offer that and I'd like to think I'm prepared for either eventual outcome.

Rather I'm looking for reassurance that it's not a "hare-brained" idea and wondering whether I should try and ask her out verbally?

Don't know about taking an "ounce" of pride, feels more like a ton to me but, as you say, if she did turn out to be the love of my life it'd all be worth it.


I think it's a reasonable, well thought out, NT type idea.



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17 Dec 2010, 3:36 am

JoeBloggs wrote:
My plan, best I could come up with, is to discreetly pass her a folded up note when I'm next in said shop buying something.
Saying…
"think you're cute,
"would like to get to know you better.


Dude, that is going to make you look like a nine year old.
Just look her in the eye, smile, and say "Do you want to get a cup of coffee after work?"

If she says "No, I have a boyfriend" then that is the end of it.
If she says "yes" then you are off and running.

Oh, the chances I missed in my youth because I was too chicken to ask.



norwegianman1972
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17 Dec 2010, 5:32 am

Do NOT pass her a note. Even if you stutter and are not sure what to say, it is better to ask her face to face than sending her a note. If she turns you down at least you have had the experience and courage to face your fear of asking her up front. And if possible try not to think to much about the result.



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17 Dec 2010, 8:30 am

Do it, you have nothing to lose.

Oh, and take your phone number off the first post.



JoeBloggs
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17 Dec 2010, 9:11 am

Thank you all for your frank and honest replies -- I appreciate all your advice.

Think I'm going to have to "man up" and ask her out face-to-face.

Would try to do this normally but I'm finding it difficult in the situation; don't mind approaching a girl in a bar or club so much.

Guess the note was an easy way out as it softens the blow somewhat if she rejects me.

If she rejects me face-to-face I fear it'll smash what confidence I do have into pieces and it might take a while to build up the courage again

Must keep asking myself what's the worst that can happen? Because I know the answer: the worst that can happen is she says "no".

By the way, I just plucked that phone number off of the top-of-my-head.



Chronos
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17 Dec 2010, 5:22 pm

norwegianman1972 wrote:
Do NOT pass her a note. Even if you stutter and are not sure what to say, it is better to ask her face to face than sending her a note. If she turns you down at least you have had the experience and courage to face your fear of asking her up front. And if possible try not to think to much about the result.


As a woman, I don't see anything wrong with him passing her a note. It gives her time to think about it.



norwegianman1972
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17 Dec 2010, 6:24 pm

Chronos wrote:
As a woman, I don't see anything wrong with him passing her a note. It gives her time to think about it.


It might of course vary from woman to woman, but generally it is my impression that most women would consider a guy doing that a wuss. But maybe aspie women are different? I don`t know.

JoeBloggs wrote:
If she rejects me face-to-face I fear it'll smash what confidence I do have into pieces and it might take a while to build up the courage again.


Hmm, but you might also decide to not care to much. If she behaves rudely, that would just show that she does not deserve your attention.