My Husband has Aspergers.... HELP

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[quote="starygrrl"]Seriously you seem to have rushed into marriage without thinking. Were you really that desperate?

Also please realize wrong planet is a support site mostly for those folks who are on the spectrum, not a place to complain about your partner on the spectrum.

I would just say divorce or even annul the marriage. The drug use is reason enough for a quick and easy annulment. It is one of those "unforgivable things".

1) Kind of rude to call her desperate

2) Helping someone save their marriage to an Aspie IS supporting someone "on the spectrum." And asking for help is NOT complaining

3) There's nothing wrong with smoking Pot. But using it as a technicality to annul a marriage instead of trying to fix the problem first....yeah, there's something wrong with that.

@MidLifeAspie

Could you (or someone) point me to where you got this statistic? I googled but turned up nothing. Thanks.

No, you didn't misunderstand the purpose of this website.

It is also a place where NT's are welcome and can ask questions so they can gain understanding of asperger's. Just do keep in mind when you post a title like "my husband has asperger's... HELP" then talk about how he has all the symptoms and then complain about his drug usage and how he always has to be right... which have nothing to do with asperger's... you might offend some of the sensitive ones here. However, you are obviously under a lot of distress and may not have thought of this while writing so I don't think anyone should take offence.

The one thing you did discuss that might actually be a symptom: "he makes rude comments". This might be due to his lack of understanding of social norms. If you give us examples we might be able to clue you into why he does this. I hope everything goes well with you and I am sorry to hear of your trouble. Take care.

edit: depression might be another valid symptom due to social isolation in his early life and excessive worry that asperger's can cause.

This has nothing to do with what I am talking about. Here are a couple respected sources that have done studies on marijuana usage:

Marijuana Facts

How pot can change the brain

There is also the personal experience of having an older brother that used solely marijuana and morphed into a totally different person (and he did become addicted to it).

Avengilante (pardon the pun) but you can smoke that. I will not be replying back because this topic is to give advice to someone who requested it.

To the topic creator, I have reason to believe marriage counseling will help. Then again, if a couple cannot work out their own problems, it isn't a good indicator of a marriage that can work. Do you have any family you can talk to?

Here are some other things you can do:
-talk to your husband again
-get advice from friends
-do more research on how to communicate to people with aspergers syndrome
-if everything else fails then get a divorce

"You f****." ????????? What does that stand for and why did you post this to me?

I read the original message and I felt that those words were an attack on myself and the entire AS population. I felt a lump in my throat and I took it to heart, like I take everything else to heart. I've been trying to toughen up my entire life, but it's pretty hard toturn an orange into a lemon, or sugar into vinagar. My response was uncalled for, and I apologize to the OP.

DId you miss the part I wrote about not knowing much about Aspergers? I DID NOT write that he was "mean" to me. I also did not call them "horrible" symptoms. I quoted the word "symptoms." Lastly, at what point did I include you or any other individual with Aspergers in my discussion, or "judge" EVERYONE with Aspergers? Your reply was completely out of line.

Your reply was completely out of line. Was I really that desperate? Does posting things like that make you feel better about youself? If so, you are just sick and evil.

I've heard of books for NT/ASD relationships. You could look into finding books on that. It may or may not help you two. It seems like it might be worth looking into as you say you are in a NT/AS relationship.

I have not read any of these books but I just did a search and found these two on Amazon~

http://www.amazon.com/Asperger-Syndrome ... pd_sim_b_2


http://www.amazon.com/Other-Half-Asperg ... pd_sim_b_1


I'm not recommending these two particular books. I'm pointing out that there's books you could read and you can go to those links and read some reviews. There's also similar book recommendations for this topic on both pages.

Mrsaune, I'm really sorry that you have received these kinds of responses. Just keep in mind that there are a lot of troubled people on this site due to the social isolation asperger's can cause among other things.

@Kiran and @starygrrl. Mrsaune didn't directly say anything you accused her of saying, you read that into her post, but you both did directly insult her.

I think you forum people might be taking this a bit too personally... Feeling lonely in a relationship with someone with AS is very common, as far as I know. My wife says the same thing about me, but I guess the problem is I have no idea what she's talking about :s All I know is that there's no quick fix for it. Smoking too much pot is a totally different issue. A lot of women wouldn't accept that from anybody (and some don't care). Not very helpful, I guess...

Mrsaune - I'd like to apologise for the rudeness shown towards you. Unfortunately, many here were mistreated for being different and don't realise that they end up treating some of the NTs ("neurotypicals" or non-autistics) here in the same cruel and unfair fashion they were treated themselves.

I hope you have the patience to stick around - you can take a look in the Parents Forum or the Love and Dating for older threads about NT/AS relationships.

Does your husband have an official diagnosis? Is he on any medication or seeing a therapist? May I ask how old he is?

I don't have enough information, but from what you say I don't think his behaviour is acceptable regardless of his diagnosis. You can propose couple's therapy (or individual if he prefers) and have an open talk about your relationship, how each of you sees it and what you expect from each other.

Otherwise, considering you've been married for a relatively short time and have no kids together - my opinion is to stick with it only if you can both make a serious commitment and amends, because things will only get worse without both sides acknowledging the problems.

Good luck

There is a lot of tension going on in this thread :/

Anyway, my ex was addicted to marijuana and he did use it to feel "normal". Sadly, being around him was intolerable unless he was high. He had very severe ADHD and he used smoking to self-medicate. Does your husband also have ADHD? Does he act better or worse after smoking? There is a very large overlap of symptoms between those two disorders. I have heard/read many that people with ADHD will self-medicate with a variety of illegal drugs instead of taking prescriptions.

I agree with others that you need to let your husband know how you feel. My significant other is always feeling lonely, and I sometimes say things that are not always nice. I have felt stressed in the past when he has confronted me about my behavior though and I either get defensive or shut down. Now he writes me letters, or we text. It is easier than face to face for me.

I would also appreciate some source on that - I can't find anything.

Apparently there was a study done that concluded with this 80% statistic

Here are a couple of links that show it is a myth

http://www.autism-pdd.net/testdump/test31931.htm

http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/news/ ... -is-a-myth