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ssjgoku
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

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Joined: 29 Dec 2010
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 42
Location: Dagenham Essex

01 Feb 2011, 9:32 pm

i dont have a social life or any friends.I am realy pathetic atm almost climbing the walls of my own home.My family is sick of me and i feel so sorry for them having to put up with me.I am a 16 year old male and i dont even know how to live my life.Havent been outside since xmas day when i went to see my family(which went terrible btw). I dont even know who my cousins are anymore we used to be so close the three of us.One of them is older thn me and the other one is younger but i just dont wana see them anymore.Sad i know coz i saw them nearly every day when i was younger.But i just cant understand them anymore and i can hardly talk to them
.I have always been the outcast and i hate it.I spent 3 months as a day patient in an adolescent unit,finaly began to redevelop a few social skills and gain some confidence and was chucked out before my parents were told i could never go back.Just after i was diagnosed with aspergers and cast aside.I should have been diagnosed years ago!

.I dont understand this world.I hve very bad sensery issues and cant eat hardly anything and all i drink is coke.My poor grandparents keep bringing me fish and chips or mcdonalds every day because thye are worried sick about me.I realy hate mmyself for putting my family through all this,i just wish i had never existed.Then they may have all been happy that way.
I am terrified of going out into the world.I dont understand how to live a normal life or do anything.i am terrified of driving,working and college.I never ever want to have a job for a number of reasons.1.nothing interests me and i dont realy have any particularly good physical or mental abilities.2. i wont be able to keep it up because i am just so depressed at the moment and 3. everyone else will all be out partying and having great social lives whilst i will be stuck in.I have never gone to a party or drank alcohol.I cant drink even water because of my sensery impediments let alone alcohol.
I am supposed to be going to a youth club soon but i have been told one of their main activities is darts.You realy have no idea what i have gone through for that game.I poured so much blood and sweat into it like you would not beleive.I lost my throwing action(due to the yips,which i will not go into) meaning i could no longer throw the bloody thing.Due to my aspergers i was still obsessing over a game i could no longer play and it literaly destroyed me.Apart from school this was one of my only social outlets as well as football.I had to give up two games i loved.
Everyone hated me in my school and at times i just could not wait to get home quick enough.I had lots of fights and even had people turning up on my doorstep.I have had girlfriends before but i ahd to hide just dow depressed i realy was.The most responsible i ever felt was when i had my work experience and was meeting up wth my girlfriend every day.I am not going to lie though i stuck out like a sore thumb in my work space and at times it was so embarrasing.Here is an example i literaly walked in and started laughing talking i was so nervous.Well anyway that did not end well i wassacked one day before it ended and hated bynearly everyone there.I just dont seem to be liked wherever i go.The world just seems to hate me it takes everything from me.I used to play in goal as a goalkeeper ,i did one good deed which was let two boys down my road join my team and their ****of an old man destroyed the team ,started a new team and included everone but me.He even included all my bullies in it and i just got tormented aboutit non stop by them and ppl from school.This was at rhe same time i had lost my darts,girlfriend,job and rowing with my family all the time.
I had stayed in for years and had no social life at all.In 2009 i couldnt handle it anymore,i was walking out of classes and havin more fights wht people in school than ever before.By the time i left they alll hated me .I remember my last day someone said something and i jsut snapped so i punched him and then got sent home ,never to return to that hellhole.I stayed at home for 9 months,confined in my room ,practcing darts none stop and doing my best to regain it.By this time i had met my saviour,a man who could cure me and since then i have been working with him ever since .My depression got worse and i started cutting myself ,staying awake all night and smashing things,including 4 phones and a brand new hd tv

Then i went to a home education palce,where i couldnt do the work coz i was too depressed.After that i attedned the adolescent unit where i made some progress and actualy made some friends,before i was almost forcefully chucked out.Since then i have done nothing but work with the bloke on trying to regain my darts action(when i had the enrgy) ,staying up all night,overdosing and climbing the walls in frustration.I realy cant do it anymore.The only thing keeping me going is collecting manga(pathetic i know) which seems to be the only thing that makes me happy.Even whilst typing this i have been shaking uncontrollabl with anger and heartache.I feel like im gna cough up blood any second.I realy hate this planet........



Jonsi
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01 Feb 2011, 10:14 pm

I'm sorry I can't help but I'm sure if you reposted in the Haven, there would be people who could. :D

Though, I really think you should see a therapist or at least a councilor. They help quite a lot.



Last edited by Jonsi on 01 Feb 2011, 10:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Chickenbird
Deinonychus
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Joined: 25 Dec 2010
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Location: New Zealand

01 Feb 2011, 10:17 pm

Yes it's a horrible place. But those manga - I can tell from what you say they must be really good. Any rare thing you find that is good, is worth protecting.


_________________
"Aspie: 65/200
NT: 155/200
You are very likely neurotypical"
Changed score with attention to health. Still have AS traits and also some difficulties.


Densaugeo
Pileated woodpecker
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01 Feb 2011, 10:33 pm

Not sure what to say to that, but if I were you I would try something new (when I could get the energy for it). That always cheers me up, and sometimes leads to a lot more.

Nothing big, just go to a store I haven't been to before or something like that. Note that you should avoid worrying about the 'right' way of doing things when trying this; that will only stress you out.



Surfman
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01 Feb 2011, 11:54 pm

Most of the world can be s**t. However, in every city there will be a group is disaffected people with similar experiences, who feel the same way as you.

I would find these people as your new family and friends. Keep looking, they are there but small, and hard to find.

Its 99% bad but dont give up.