He's not talking to me :(

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I dated an aspie. we broke up but fooled around one night. i got knocked up and couldn't tell him in time before i miscarried. when i did finally tell him he said i'm just one of the people that he's "aloof" toward. i sent him a text later in the night after i told him asking why he wanted to know while "she" was still alive and he responded with "because i would of wanted to be a part of her life". that's the last i heard from him. i'm probably pushing too hard but i've sent him emails, texts, called him and left a message. i tried being serious, joking... He wouldn't cut me off online but he also won't say anything. i also sent him a few texts asking him to just tell me if he wants me to stop talking to him and i will. he doesn't respond to even tell me to go away. i would be OK if he told me to stop. then i'd respect his decision and leave him alone. i care about him deeply and i'm afraid i hurt him by not telling him in time and this is a lot for him to handle.

Sorry to hear that you are having to go through this personal tragedy by yourself. Hugs from the WP community. We have recently had a long discussion about this type of break-up and why it happens: see Break-up Aspie Style thread for some heated discussions.

Take care and look after yourself

Maggie x

I guess it's just frustrating because he showed some emotion in that text...or at least i interpreted it as emotion. so, it left me feel as though i hurt him. i just want to make sure i didn't hurt him. we were fine friends until i think this overwhelmed him. i was his first girlfriend. before me, he lost his virginity in his mid 20s to an engaged woman. 2 strikes i guess. he did tell me that he felt bad about that and i don't want him to feel bad about this.

You did nothing wrong. Let's make that clear. It was actually very decent of you to tell him anything at all since you had suffered a miscarriage. That kind of loss is hard enough to talk about, but you took the time to put yourself out there to share it with him so that he would know. You're a really good person in your heart. Very solid character.

His text didn't mean that he wanted to reconnect with you. It just meant that he would have been an involved father. That's a positive thing. He also let you know that his treatment of you isn't personal. I wish he wasn't so distant with you, but he let you know that you're not the only one. He's not shunning you. However, he's also not answering your texts and you've bent over backwards to communicate with him. It's clear that he's going to communicate with you in his own time. You'd do yourself a big favor by just letting it be. Let him come to you. He knows you're there. You can even send one last message that says that you'll be there when he's ready to stop being so "aloof". But then you've got to stop. For your own sake, your own mental health. You have to make sure you're not transferring your heartbreak over the miscarriage to this break-up with your aspie ex. Times like these are very complicated.

If you have friends, really lean on them for socialization and support. Friends love you no matter what. They understand and accept you, even if they don't agree with your actions or your feelings. That's what you need right now. Let them comfort you and get you through this loss, let them help you repair and get stronger again.

I absolutely agree - very sound advice.

Maggie xx

I just sent the final text. I told him that I like talking to him and that I'm here if he ever wants to talk and that cutting people off is just another one of our similarities but it does hurt people. (I've cut my mom off for years at a time along with coworkers and friends too and i never realized how much it hurt till he did it to me. I'll never do it again...or at least try not to). Then i told him to keep being a super genius (he's working on his masters in mechanical engineering) and to get back out on the roads running (we both need running to keep sane).

I hope he does come around. he's not a bad guy. just troubled and easily overwhelmed. I do all my running at his college and on a trail that he uses and lives on. it's the only option for running around here so it's not like i'm going out of my way to be near him. i do kind of hope i'll bump into him running again. he's a happier person on the roads.

I did mention that texting with no response is just no good for me right now. :/

I have a close friend and my mom and my other ex boyfriend who are willing to help me. they all know about the miscarriage. i'm past that but being cut off on top of that kind of wrecked me. i can handle one thing at a time. two things is a lot.

i'm pretty much socially ret*d. is it ok in a few months to wish him happy birthday and graduation? i know i'm way ahead of myself but future social situations worry me a lot.

6 weeks, 1 day. enough to have eye spots and tiny arms and legs :/ I didn't have the heart to tell him that much. i just told him the length of time and let him research or ask anything if he wanted to. it seemed to be a lot for him to handle already. i let it slip that i had a hunch that it was a girl and he did start referring to "it" as "her". So, i think he did care and i didn't want to push it too far with him.

sorry, i talk a lot. long answer for a simple question.

I'm sorry this is happening to you.

This is just again one more example of people who cut people out of their lives and the hurt it causes. He owes you more than he's giving you. You had a miscarriage [i]of his child[i]. He needs to be responsible. Father's need to do more than just be there for the children. They need to be there for the mothers also. A miscarriage is a tragic event which unfortunately is not recognized as a tragic event by society. He is the father and needs to be for you, at least for a while.

For those who have seen my other posts, you know I am against "cutting off" behavior. While I know that many people on these forums defend and make excuses for this behavior, when there is a pregnancy involved you cannot cut it off. I cannot think of a time when that would be acceptable.

Well, I guess the real reason I'm on here is because I've become upset again. I have to go through an awful procedure because I found out months later that I've developed an infection. I was so wrecked right after it happened that I never went to any follow-up appointments to see if I needed a D&C. Turns out that I did need one. So, not only did I develop anemia from the loss of blood but they discovered that I never properly passed/absorbed everything. So, that's why I've been trying to contact him...and also why I may still be a little mentally "off". I'm just looking for a ride home from the hospital when its done. I can actually walk there but they're not going to let me go without a ride home. He lives only 10 mins. away and the hospital is a 1 min. drive from my place and it would make me feel a lot better if he was the one to come and get me. I don't really want to have to lie to another person about what is being done just to get a ride.